Mustang, I haven't been through what you have but my heart is with you.

You won't find love from your family, only pain. By waiting for their love and approval, you put your life on hold because love will never come from them.

Move forward, and move them out of your life. You deserve so much better.

sorry i missed this chat as i though it was about something else. Id agree with everything dancer and princess wrote to you in last two post.

in response to asking are you the onlie one t be treated like this in adulthood mamma red said

"easy peezy to get pulled into the same behavior when emotion is involved, especially when there is a part of us hoping that each time it will be different".

its the last bit keep hoping that it be diffrent AND trying to get loved from someone who can't wont show us loveing behaviour.

your an adult now and as much as you had no choice as a child you do now. Stop letting them hurt you the way you do, the situasion won't change nor will they untill much much work is done (if ever)and i say that with as much gentilness as i can

however you change it now for yourself.

iv fisicallie removed myself from strange behaving familie and won't call, if the odd occasion tehy call me (like want something or to vent gossip about other familie members) i tell them plz stop becouse if you don't i am putting phone dowen on them. If they continue i say i hanging up now goodbye and then i hang up.

it stops it for good, lol well 6 mounths then they call again and i go through the same thing all over again. I have 6 mounths peace a week of worry or annoyince but i still stick to my guns.

I think you put it like saddling up....and not slidding out the sadle. Sounds like youve started but renaged 0n yourself before. Do the same thing again but do not renage.

and yep it will be lonlie and still hurt despite the abuse but you will fill that with more worthwhile things if your luckie and the pain dose stop.

whish you the best from deepest part of my hart.

I remember something one of my counselors said, that the family as a unit will do anything to maintain the "homostasis" I think that was his word, like status quo. When ever one member of the unit tries to withdraw or change, the rest (of the family) will move heaven and earth to get back to the status quo. To them, the destructive behaviors is their status quo. The counselor said you (I) had to drop the ball in terms of the ongoing volley: I remove, they bring me back, I remove, they bring me back...Let them worry about their status quo, and recognize that they are not going to change. The problem arises when a true crisis (as opposed to a dramatized version of nothing important) when a true crisis arises, like in my case Mom with ALZ & cancer, and the family HAS to pull together for her sake. At least I learned some boundaries, and ways to drop the ball, but I still get drawn in. It's really really hard to release from the shackles of destructive family units.

Like Celtic, I thought the topic was about singles, and I've missed this discussion.
Mustang, my heart goes out to you. Please know that in so many families there is disharmony. I'm going through that abit myself. I have come to discover, that true happiness comes from within, - and not from the outside.
And the kind of people I like the most, follow this philosophy:

Ladies, thank all of you for your support and honesty. I'll be re-reading all your posts for a good bit.

EW, great quote. Love it.

Mustang, I'll be praying that you surround yourself with people who will "be kind" to you, and don't worry if they aren't family. If you are in the company of people who love you, who cares whether or not they are blood relatives.

It breaks my heart to learn how your family has treated you in the past, and continue to treat you. I can tell how painful it is for you and I wish I could take that pain away.

Mustang, I have no experiences in my life that are as painful as those you have endured. Working with children for 20 years, I know the long term damage that is caused by abuse in it's many forms. What happened to you is the worst. I am so sorry that you have lived with this for so long.

I hope that you can find a way to move forward and love again - to love yourself first and foremost.

My heart is with you. I am sending you strength to fill up some of your void.

Like some others, I had no idea this discussion was going on until today. I'm so sorry MustangGal, for all that you've had to go through over the past few months, but especially over the holiday season. My heart aches for you and I wish I had more wisdom/consolation to offer. I didn't suffer the same extent of abuse as you, mine was ongoing verbal/psychological throughout my life. It really does suck you in to dark places that are difficult to climb out of, especially when those who abuse cannot change their habits of pushing you back down as soon as they see any sign of autonomy or triumph on your part.

I did have to distance myself from my family at one point. In time I realized some of the "why" of the abuse, and in my case, it was only one person, which helped me to rediscover the rest of my family and restore relationships over the years. But I was never able to establish and maintain boundaries where my Mom was concerned...even though time after time she would betray any trust by pushing those same old buttons over and over and over again. I never did learn how to turn myself off from being a target for her. I don't know how or where we get whatever it is we need to be able to do that. But whatever it is and wherever it comes from, that's what I would wish for you. The strength, the inner sense of boundaries, the knowledge that you deserve abundant love and kindness, not this abuse and diminishing of your soul.

You are in my heart and prayers. I hope and pray that everything you need is provided through other people and resources in your life. Know that you are loved beyond your wildest imagination.

BTW, I just thought of something else. Have you ever investigated the concept of "scapegoating"? It's a very interesting phenomenon, and worth reading about. It helped me to understand my own situation much better. It doesn't "fix" anything, but I always think that knowledge is power...knowing the signs and psychology of scapegoating gave me power to put it into a perspective that was not as self-detrimental, because it really is ALL about "them" not about you or me. But as children, we are always inclined to explain inexplicable things to our own detriment. As adults, we can change that inclination and even undo the damage that we've done in blaming ourselves throughout our lives...but in order to do that, we need to arm ourselves with self-love, compassion for who we really are underneath all those lies, and knowledge.

Mustang,
Didn't see this 'til today, either. I had to turn away from
family recently, as well. You need to take care of yourself,
first. If you don't, nobody else will. What Chatty said about
no one having anyone's back; IMO is true. What Divine Ms. M said about love not coming from that family, I agree with. I don't know why people can't be kind. But I'm sorry you've been hurt and have gone through such garbage. All I can say, "Been there. Done that." And it hurts. I'm so grateful to Dotsie for starting this site. Because you and me and others can come here and vent. It is such a great release for the soul. Prayers and blessings, Mustang. Take care of you!