I put my foot down. My soon to be 21 nephew is a bum. He dropped out of HS, loses jobs, wrecks cars, sleeps around, lies, spent his trust fund in 3 mths w/ nothing to show (about $20K plus $3-$4K savings bonds), drugs, smokes, foul mouthed, good for nothing you know what! I've 'hired' him to help me out with house chores, i.e., lawn, repairs, etc. Yet, he does a half-hearted job and curses throughout the entire ordeal. My parents (mother and step-father) have urged me to 'hire' him for this and that whenever he's between jobs, yet it always causes an argument and I'm the one at fault, not his sorry butt.

He lives with some gal with kids in the boon docks - not certain if he's working. Has been a 'person of interest' by the GA & SC police. Spent 100+ days in jail b/d he did not have $ to pay speeding tickets. Gawd, got some other gal pregnant and she does not want him in her life - my mother spend hundreds on clothes for her and the baby (no parternity test, so not certain if actually his or not).

My parents get suckered into everything he says. Even though he's stolen money, phones, hocked their possessions, etc. They cater to his whims.

I hate this. And I'm the bad guy (gal). No, his rearing was not that great. His mother (my sister) has 4 children by 4 different men. Until about 2 years ago she's never held a steady job (she's 39). She's been off/on drugs (even begged me for $10,000 for drugs and then blamed me for gawd knows what and my family held it against me!). She and her son can do no wrong.

I put my foot down. They do not reciprocate any appreciation. They are leeches. Blood or not, they are out of my will and I refuse to give them Christmas or Birthday gifts/money. My parents will hold this against me, yet enough is enough. My sister, nephew and parents make fun of me, whatever I do is wrong or stupid. At family gatherings, they mock me.

I'm the one who was at the hospital when step-father admitted several times this year for congested heart failure. I'm the one who fretted. My nephew visited maybe 2X and muttered under his breath with foul language. My sister was a no show. But, I was never thanked. My parents thanked their neighbors and gossiped about me to them.

I do what I think is right, and this is right. I know it, I feel it, yet why do I question myself?

(I just need a little support, if ya'll don't mind b/c of the above I find myself questioning my reasons - which I know are right, yet my family is so very selfish about this).

I support you. If you feel you should place a little distance between yourself and these family members for whatever time you need, from what you have described you are more than right to do so...

MustangGal, there's only so much you can do, and it sounds like you've done more than enough. It's time to live your OWN life and reduce your contact with your family - it seems that any interaction with them is causing you great distress.

I would recommend cutting all financial assistance, offers of work, etc to this kid and anyone else who has taken advantage of you. Then you need to sit down and make a list of what IS good in your life. Write about what makes you happy, and then try to move in that direction.

Your family will still contact you to complain, and yes, they will probably still gossip about you. But YOU know what is right and you need to hold your head up and get on with your life. The people they gossip to either are not your friends in the first place (so why do you care?) or they see the source of gossip and disregard it.

I'm sure it's very frustrating watching your parents continue on this path, but again, it's their life and their money and they can do what they please.

We're here - this whole group of women - and we support you!

K

People who "make fun of you" and mock you"
this is so sad that you have experienced this.


Do you feel you want to change this ?

Is there any member of your family to defend you
when this happens. ?

Mountain ash

Mustang, you are wise to cut your strings with the nephew. I think you're fortunate that he hasn't stolen form you yet, or done something harmful to you so he can support his drug habit. It's time to say no!

As far as they way you are treated by family, I think it's because they are jealous of you. You know right from wrong, and somehow, they don't. Their personalities sound destructive and negative, and who needs that? It's okay to begin distnacing yourself for the sake of your won sanity.

And I think there's nothing wrong with speaking your mind to them either. If they question you, share your thoughts and walk away. Often friends make better family. If I were you, I'd begin putting my efforts towards my friends who appreciate you. We alwyas need people in our lives, but they don't have to be family, especially if they're verbally abusive and drag you down.

Please feel the love and support of your fellow boomer women friends who know your heart and want it protected!

Dotsie, that was such a great response. I hope Mustang can follow your suggestions and start taking very good care of herself. A person cannot choose family, but can choose friends, and you are right that friends often don't have the same agenda that family has.

Mustang when someone adds noting but pain and misery to your life, it is time to kick them to the curb, family or not.

Being called family gives them NO reason to use you then mock you...

Remember always your dream of a place in the country for you and your loving, faithful animals. Thats what you need to think about when these leaches come a callin!!!!

Steer clear of the bunch of them, they are not worthy of your love.

The kid continues not to work nor look for work and has had his license revoked. Apparantly he is joining the Army on October 20th, he'll be 21 on the 28th. Hoping and praying he keeps his date with Uncle Sam. He needs to stop being a burden and become a contributor.

I'm sorry to hear of current situation between you and sis, you and parents. As for the nephew....he's just a nephew..not your son. Really you don't owe him anything except maybe distant civility at this time. (Do I sound brutal??)

One day hopefully of the 3, parents and sister, you will have better relationship. It might not happen for a few years yet.

My personal feeling is that your sister is probably feeling emotional pain, as a mother of a son who hasn't made the best of himself, but she hasn't recognized that in herself yet or at least, won't let you know.

Wishing you the right times to say right things you feel most strongly from your heart/head when you are alone with each your sister, mother and father.

It will happen one day with at least 1 of them.

Because it has happened to me...several times over.
No family is perfect..and the bigger the family, sometimes the more complex it can be.

But it's for your sister to tell you if she wishes to move beyond blaming you for-whatever-it-is-that-is-bugging-her-so-deeply.

Carry with your life apart and free now.

Mustang, I thing this is good news. Your comment about him no longer being a burden and becoming a contributor is right on. No one can feel good about themselves if they're aware that they're a burden. Hopefully this will help him feel better about himself which could be part of his problem.