My grandson is staying with his Dad (in another province) for the summer. D is 8 yrs old.

When D is with his Mom (my daughter), I call them every day. Yesterday, my birthday, I called and the step-mother-from hell, answered the phone. She kept saying hello, hello, like she couldn't hear me.

I called D's Dad at work and he said to call the cell number, they were having problems with their phone. I said "same as last year at the same time, huh"...(convenient).

Anyway....I called the cell, asked for D and she said Oh, he's not here. I said "Well, who is he with? (no one else he could be with. He was there according to his Dad.) She said, "None of your business." Ignoring that comment,I said "Well, when can I call back later?" She said, Never on MY cellphone.

I called D's Dad back and said I want to talk to my grandson and he just hung up on me. I called back and left this message. If I don't speak to my granson today or tomorrow, I am personally going to take a flight to VISIT him.


How can he be so p*ssywhipped as to not think about his own son over a spiteful woman who has no respect for D's and my relationship. Apparently neither does he, I guess.

What does this woman have against me? Nothing, except that I'm her boyfriend's X's Mother.

My daughter has had nothing only problems with her X since 'she' came into the picture 2 yrs ago. Anonymous threatening calls, emails etc. And 'he' won't believe any of it...more on this later as daughter is tracing calls, emails etc....same as last year.

When my daughter calls to talk to D, she answers the phone, waits a minute and hangs up. A few minutes later she calls my daughters house and hangs up when she answers it..(to have a record of calling, I guess) My daughter has talked to her son 2 times in a few weeks and 'she' tells him....It's time to go D, get off the phone after about a minute. My daughter is meeting with her lawyer later this week.
I swear to God, I feel like I could choke this woman, she has to be one unhappy son of a....

All of this aside, my real concern is this. How is my grand-son being treated while his Dad is at work. We all know how women like this can be. If they are hateful to D's Mom and Grandmom, how will she treat him? She has a boy of her own who is a few years older than D. Oh my, I am at my wits end with worry.

I haven't called today. Mr. Chick said, don't call. Wait til D gets home in a few weeks. She may take it out on him if I bother her again. What do you all think.
Please pray that he will be treated right.

Thanks for listening. Amazing how writing here makes one feel a little better.

Breathe.....

Ooooh, I'm so angry I could spit (I never spit, but I could over this). I just don't get it either, Chick. What a sad, tragic, horrible game this woman is playing, and I'm with you, being so concerned as to how she's treating your grandson while his Dad's at work. You didn't ask, but I'm adding your grandson and this situation to my prayer list...and you too. Oooooh, these kinds of people just don't make any sense at all, do they!!!! What can she possibly be getting out of behaving so nastily!

Breathing here too...

PS I love your new avatar!

Get the number Chick and call him at school. Tell them you're his grandmother and need to speak to him and its long distance. This women needs a good swift kick in the behind or punch in the nose...

Chick, any chance of questioning him when he returns home to Mom? Maybe get some evidence or at least put your mind to ease about his treatment while he was there?

Children are so honest. I know you are fit to be tied. I pray that you find a solution!

HOw old is the child?

At this time, best to wait until D gets home. You're respecting him as the father. It's difficult to do much when it's all by phone..

And to express concern to your daughter..to be done carefully. She might be worried already. And to hear from you adds more emotional turmoil and stress on her as mother.

Write postcards...
keep up some contact.
Tell them to allow time when calls are accepted.Come out into the open to the people who are doing this.Dont ask..Tell.

Chick, I'd be as upset as you. Is there a way where you can furnish your grandson his own cellphone? That way, you can contact him without having to go through that wicked woman and that hen-pecked wicked ex SIL. Must not let them know he's got it though.

Thanks everyone for your replies. D is 8 and he is not in school until September. The only contact is by landline which they say isn't working and her cell phone which she won't allow me to call on.

If D tells his Mom anything that is related to him being ill treated, she will not hesitate to take legal action.

Next year when he goes, I am going to get him his own cell phone so I can call him whenever I want. I can't get it to him now as he is in Canada.

I know he's wondering why he hasn't heard from me.

Quote:

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Next year when he goes, I am going to get him his own cell phone so I can call him whenever I want.

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That's exactly what I would've suggested. Maybe load some pre-paid minutes as well.

I am so sorry Chick. So sorry. It never ceases to amaze me how mean some people can be. My hunch is your grandson is okay, but his dad! boy he sounds henpicked from the word go.

Yes, a cell phone is in order.

Chick, I'm sorry and understand. I've had to deal w/ an ex-wife (who is now married to husband no. 5). She tried to run me over once while married to no. 3!

I pray ya'll are able to come to a solution.

Sounds like this woman (the mean girlfriend) is trying to please & hold onto her man, a man she is not married to and whom he has chosen not to marry. Thus, he gets free milk and this is how she makes him pay for it, perhaps?

I hope you are recording every phone call that has anything to do with them keeping D from you... and keeping notes, along the way, too.
If you mail him anything at home, he probably won't get it.
If you can, set up a contact through a clergy person or a librarian or a social worker near D, and create communications through one of them. I'm afraid this scenario isn't uncommon... which is so sad. Put your noodle cap on and think of all the ways to outsmart the gal of your daughter's X. You should have more power than a girlfriend! We'll help in anyway. No worthy grandmother should be kept from their grandchildren.

AS FOR some women being so hateful...that is a age old question. They must be lacking something in their lives to have to resort to hatefulness.

I posted and it got lost. So here goes again.

I don’t think there is anything quite frustrating as being treated poorly when you have only good intentions. It’s as if the instigator is jealous of the competition or wants to show he/she has the say.

Writing letters and sending fun cards is a great suggestion MA. When I think back how my sons were when they were 8, they were rather tight lipped on the phone. Kids love getting mail, and maybe your grandson will tell you more through a letter, than on the phone, in case the stepmother is listening. Send him the stamps for the return letters, and tell him to throw them in the mail box himself. (the step mother from hell would probably open and censor his letters).

Stay strong Chick. Love conquers all!

Hi Chickadee, I am new here but had to pipe up about this. It's obvious that she has definite insecurity issues among other things. Is there a way that you could write a letter to the dad and the gf letting them know that you just miss your grandson and are not trying to interfere in their lives. Something very cordial, not so emotional (albeit difficult), and maybe send them a fruit or gift basket of some sort. I'm a firm believer of the more bees w/ honey adage;) Anyways, sorry you have to experience this. Good luck and keep us apprised of what happens.

Here's another thought. This child won't be 8 forever...what will they do then? They cannot control a 13 year old who says, "I don't want to come see you anymore...you were mean to me." So the Dad better start thinking about that.

I think the letter writing is a great idea, only I would send him THERE with the paper and envelopes already stamped. Why? The woman would probably never give him anything you send in the mail, and that way, he could write and put it in the mail without her knowledge, maybe.

Here's the thing. What does this kind of sneaky behavior do to this child's psyche? He has to wonder why he has to be sneaky in the first place? He has to know or hear these conversations back and forth? I think it says so little of the Dad to put him through it. Wonder what a judge would think of it?

Hi Chick,
This must be so tough for you and your grandson. (By the way, when I met you in Vegas there was no way I would have guessed you're a grandma! You look like you're 22!)

A cell phone is a good idea, so long as the woman doesn't take it away from him. I hate it when kids are involved in adult manipulations.

K

The gal is experiencing step-child jealousy. Even though they are not married, it happens.

My step-grandmother was jealous of my mother and her brothers. She did horrible things to them. I just don't know why that happens. Does this gal have kids of her own?

I'm a stepmother and I feel NO jealousy. But it's the nature of the beast I suppose.

Sad and I'm sorry you have to see that. But I agree that just let them have "their" visiting time. When he gets home, you'll have him all to yourself. Eventually he'll see where proper love is shown. It'll all come out in the wash.

This is why "God hates divorce". There is so much suffering and sadly, the kids are the brunt of it all.

Chick,

I hope the time passes quickly until your precious D is back home. I think the cell phone for next year is a great idea. Unfortunately, I doubt he would ever get anything you mail him.

But you could write him letters now and mail them to your daughter's so he will have a bunch of love from Grandma when he gets home. You can also send him a packet of a 'note a day' next year when he goes. Not quite the same as getting to hear his voice...but he'll have a constant reminder of how much you love him!

First of all, many sympathies. I'll have to assume that your grandson is being treated decently, otherwise I'll be getting upset myself.

I am so sorry this happens, but really, this is what we train women to do and this is how we tend to handle divorce. In our culture, we accept the idea that severing all ties with the first family is the best way to go. The second wife is seen as a homewrecker, no matter how much of a philanderer the husband has been. And the second wife (or husband in a lot of cases) tends to view the first family as competition and The Enemy. This makes no sense, of course, when there are children involved, but we seem to have decided that the children are better-equipped to deal with the adults' foolishness.

I'd suggest killing them with kindness: tell the father that you respect his position as the dad, thank the stepmom for being there for your grandson, and say all you'd like to do is be able to say hi to your grandson, say, once a week, and is that all right? Send them flowers; apologize; appeal to their better natures. Learn to say, "Hi, I hope you are doing well. How are both the boys?" when the stepmom answers the phone. Like it or not, families grow when there is a divorce and remarriage. She and her son need to be a part of your friendly circle, just as you want your grandson to be part of hers.

If things go well, you can ask to send small gifts for both the boys -- just one -- or pay for a treat for them while your grandson is up there.

I suspect your ex-son-in-law just sees you as another pissed-off women clacking at him on the phone (don't think I'm not sympathetic, but he's there and you're here.) If he has to make a choice, he sure will take your anger over his wife's. Make nice for everyone's sake; it will be better for all of you in the long run. I hope this didn't sound rude; I'm just trying to problem solve in my weird way. Best wishes.

Chick my heart hurts for you girl. I'll be praying they are treating your precious grandson well. Don't know why people are this way with children.

Once he's home again you'll be able to hug and kiss him and know all is well.

I think the idea of sending the letters to your daughters home is great.
Then he will know you were activly thinking of him and feel secure.
Then later you could explain the truth.perhaps when the occassion arises .He may ask why...no contact.No vindictivly but just matter of fact.

Chick,
As to your original question:
What makes some women so hateful:
Jealousy. Period. Jealousy and envy are nine times out of ten, the reason one woman will be rude to another. It is sickening and when involving a child, criminal.

I had this problem with my son's step mother. Just a hateful B*tch. She was not wanting my son around her because she cared about him, but to spite me!

I suspect this woman has the same issue. I think she wants the child around for a chance to spite you. No question. For some reason, she has chosen you to take her hate and discontent with herself out on you. Maybe you have something she wants, but she'd never admit it.

The answer, the end all, be all, answer:
COURT.
Tape phone calls to be heard in judges chambers. Record all the things that she does in one notebook. Keep yourself as you are: Trying to make it work, but keep her on a short lease and take her to COURT.

You have Grandmother's rights, period. YOU can do this all on your own.

Most of all, you BET she will take this out on that little boy. She will try to poison his mind against your family using discipline to drive it into him and insults to HIM!

Stop her, and don't lower yourself to tricks, they don't work, you would be playing her game.

I've SO been her, hon, and the answer is the LAW.

I'm so sorry for the pain she is causing you but when you rise above and start using court, it's over. The judge will award custody to the parent who shares the child the most and grandparents rights are open and shut, so far as being held.

You win, she loses, and she will never change, so write her off, be you, and good, good luck.

I'll be watching this space and if you want to PM me, please do. Again: I've been here.

Dancer9

Because she can Anne, because she can!!!

Dancer hit on something when she mentioned that she's taking her hate and discontent with herself out on you. I've found that to be true. Perhaps some women are born miserable.

I will post here tonight or tomorrow all. Thank you for taking time to listen and reply.

Our pleasure, chick.

I am beginning to believe that there really are some people that are just BLACK HEARTED. They act nice to your face or before others, but plot and plan hurtful things behind everyones back. What do you think?

I have resorted to praying for this young woman. I put her right behind praying for my grand-son.
I live in the USA and my daughter lives in Canada. D visits his Dad in another province in Canada for the summer months. That's where he is right now and that's where I was phoning him.

My daughter can't get to speak to him either. They either won't answer the phone or will call her and hang up when she answers. When she calls back right away, they won't answer. I think they are doing this so there will be a "record" of calls on their phone bill if necessary.

My daughter has gone to a Lawyer requesting that she get mandatory phone time with D.She is going to ask that I have some phone time with him as well.
She is also having the nightly 2:AM call/hang ups traced.

D will be home in a few weeks and I can talk to him all I want.
I know that this 'young woman' is very controlling over a situation that she can control right now. I am not going to make things difficult for D.

What I can't understand is why D's Dad suddenly feels that I don't need to talk to D. He is not considering his son's welfare here. I think he is being duped and is unaware of it because of the lies and corruption she is feeding him.
I will keep you all updated and ask that you pray for my grand-son. While you're at it would you pray for her(let's call her A) too?

Dancer, I am going to PM you tonight or tomorrow. I am sorry you had this problem also.

Chick, I think it's a lot of immaturity too. Only an immature person would resort to causing problems between a mother and her child. I will pray for her and also hope that she grows up before too much damage is done.

Thanks Dianne, remember last year, same time, same crap.

Update: (this took a whole year)Today the RCMP called this person and told her that they traced the phone calls to her and if they don't cease, criminal charges will be laid. She gave them some babble about her home phone not working, yet asked the officer to hang up and call her on that one. He had called her cell number.?!? She's apparently not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
D will be home with his Mom tonight, midnight and I will call him then. It's been too long not talking to him. It will be around 9:30 PM my time here in the US.