EW Striving to be something that is for someone else and not for oneself is so stressful.Academic parents who wish their child follow them. with a practical child for example.A child goes so far along the road then the rebellion can be shown as this illness.
So I applaud all achievemnts..from finger painting through to school work.Damce art music..it is that childs unique best.And praise her friends in her hearing.Build the inner confidence that Anniya is loved whatever and however she achieves. ignore the negative praise the real good try.Be a good citizen .as you are already.
I took my daughter to a dance class.purely for fun and mixing.The look in some mothers eyes as they looked us over...it was Scottish dance and even the kilts they wear are compared..I recognised a competitivness that was not healthy.Even when the mothers were being "kind" to their child is wasn't real. We found another place to go...
Mountain ash

Dancer I hope you find a way of dealing with the young woman. Best to approach as an older woman/dancer mentor rather than the pseudo-therapist route.

Would be good for her to have a coffee with you occasionally.

A good friend's sister's daughter ended up in the hospital with aorexia. She was 16 yrs. I am not certain what the family dynamics there were.

Treatment for anorexia and bulemia takes many months and it does involve counselling and supervision at stay-care facilities. A friend of mine did her social work internship at a eating disorders facility that was part of a teaching hospital. So I heard informally some of the treatment approaches.

A child needs to know from the start that if they fail at something they love to do, it doesn't mean others think less of them.

I agree with all you say, Orchid.
The disease is, from what I have
learned from my own 15 years of
treatment and my close friend being
a Psychiatrist, is a complex one.

From what I understand, it can have
many layers, and not one difinitive
answer, such as an abusive childhood.

The treatment is also complex and
requires inpatient, as you were
saying, in most cases as I understand
it.

The truth is that this is a
young woman, not a child. However
I have met her mother and the \
stressing of achievement in the
family as well as the reaching
for perfection were obvious and
glaring for all to see.

I had more information about
family life.

Three girls, all adults. They
have dinner together, with their
S.O.'s every Sunday as they go to
church. They invited me for dinner.

The young womens favorite movie
has been Pride and Prejudice, and
they are named "Bennet," as in the
movie. They told me how much they
related to the movie.

If you recall, those girls "made good,"
despite the odds against them in society.
They "raised themselves up," in a
world that almost out classed them
entirely.

It was telling. I have been
involved with this family once
before when I put up a play in
Seattle and one of the leads was
the youngest daughter, a very talented
and trained vocalist. I now have
to deal with the older, as luck would
have it.
When the younger daughter did not
get enough solos in highschool because
of what she felt was nepotism, she
went out of the school system and
joined a choir that would allow her
more attention.
The thing is that with my trained ear,
the girl getting most of the solos was
most definately the better vocalist.

This is telling.

Thank you for your interest
and I probably will stay with
this young woman's progress even
if I have to fire her.

Her understudy is a "cheer leader"
type and happy as can be. It is tempting
to fire the young woman, Kirsten.

Dancer 9, with dance drama.

Mountain Ash,
So good and wise regarding children,
good for you!
Dancer

Edelweiss,
When I was a young woman and I had anorexia, it was a combination of parents I could not please by being perfect enough and low self esteem. Feeling unloved is a big part.
I think I have seen this over and over again in a person with the disease.
Your grandaughters mother could very well be difficult to please if she starts living through her daughter.
I would watch for that. I think her giving up custody, as Merdith said, would be the best thing for this little girl and I've spent my life with girls and women, as a young girl and as an adult.
Dancers, Models, I've been around them all my life.

Love to you,
Dancer9

dancer, eating disorders are huge in our area. HUGE. From what I've heard, it's most noticable in high school cafeterias. I've heard teens who don't have a disorder, talk about the kids who do and it's pathetic. I've told them they need to have heart to hearts with the poor kids who are suffering. So many just need the love of others. I know it's not that simple, but it's a part of it.

How's your little dancer this week?

Thin is and always has been "In". Young girls are swamped with TV Hollywood Stars, Magazine Covers and Skinny Peers. Unfortunately it always has and always will be this way.
Dancer, I hope you can help this woman.

Dotsie,
I will see my dancer tomorrow. I heard she has a job at a "Bebes", which is the WORST place she could work! I'm just amazed as this unfolds!

Dancer9

A feminist take on anorexia: it is a "disease" of choice, where girls/women believe that they are not good enough, for whatever reasons. The reasons may be society-at-large, the media, their religion/culture, or their particular family dynamics. Anorexia is a way of controlling one's body, in a situation where the person feels they don't have much control in anything else.

As such, I'd expect that anorexia rates are higher in abusive families, and in families/cultures where women are considered 2nd class or subservient to men. It's about the woman taking control in any way she can, even if that way is destructive. She's destructive because she already feels destroyed (whether that feeling is justified or not.)

It also ties in with an unhealthy competitiveness -- where the fewer choices one has, the more important "success" in these choices becomes.

Just my observation, and it doesn't solve anything. Dancer, your kindness and care for this young woman shines through.

Meredith:
Competitiveness it is, between these sisters and thier mother, as you mentioned, is behind this.
I have gotten to know this family as they have pulled
me in, "get in with the choreographer," is the game.
I see three sisters who play off eachother and their mother.
Each is gifted in an area but the one I am dealing with has bnot shown any success after graduating highschool. The one younger than her has made her parents glow by going to BYU, their dream for her.
The youngest has an opera voice that is being well trained, is beautiful and tall. She is also the baby of the family so she is well attended to. She has had many community theater parts as I understand.
The mother has an immaculate home and has gone back to school,
so this sister is "average," and drops out of college to work for "bebe," where the clothes are obscene and get's thinner and thinner in competition with her sisters and co-workers.
She is doomed in this production because she does NOT stand out and will be just a "player," because of it. I would like to help her to improve but she has one trait:
Stubborness,
that will stop her from listening.

She came to work with a tiny belly of food. I let her work.
I just have to keep watching.

By the way, her family cooks one hell of a salmon dish.

Dancer.

( I'm in Seattle, did I tell you that?)