Mustang Gal...It's called tough love...Love being the main word...tough being the hardest. I know how difficult it is for you to make these changes and I'm proud of you for having the strength to do the right thing. He's 20 and hopefully he'll turn his life around. Let's pray he does. Keep us posted on how this develops. He's young and still has a chance...Robin is midway to 50 and is so cocky and set in her ways that we doubt there's any chance of her changing.

Robin was invited by me only once to our home...that was 4 years ago and before I learned how messed up she is...the other times have been because my MIL brought her.

My MIL told me the reason she brought Robin was because if her car broke down she'd need Robin there. (pretty lame since there's nothing wrong with her car, she drives all over creation without having Robin with her and she lives within 15 minutes of us and her other daughter who could aid her if she broke down...it was just an excuse). I spoke with her as gently as I could but when she tried to cloud the issues with excuses I led her back to reality...she even said she forgot about Robin stealing from us and that she really didn't believe Robin would steal from us in our own home. (denial? out of touch with reality?) I told her we were not going to take that chance. Then I reminded mom that a year ago she emphatically stated that none of Robin's drug friends would ever be in her home...just last week this sleeze bag that Robin hangs out with sat down at my MIL's table and ate with them. My MIL denied that happening until I reminded her that she is the one who told me...she grew very quiet because she'd been caught by her own words. Then the excuses started flowing...there's always excuses.
I told her how much this has hurt Larry and instead of talking about Larry's feelings, she said...well, Robin cried for 3 hours. I was dumbfounded for a moment...it's always about Robin...didn't she just hear me say her son was hurting? Guess not.
She's a woman who is living with the consequences of not disciplining her daughter when it was important...now she's saddled with Robin probably for the rest of her life which takes away time with her other children who would like to spend time with her but don't as much because of Robin. It's a sad situation all around.

Mountain Ash...I wondered last night if my MIL was thinking about anything I said to her...if any of it got through where it counts...who knows? Her need to take care of Robin will probably outweigh anything the rest of the family tries to show her. It always has.

All Larry and I can do now is to continue living our lives the way we were doing before this hit the fan...it's finally out in the open and there's no question where we stand on this issue so we're moving forward and hope that our lives return to normal.

thanks again for everyone's support.

Dee,
I totally support what you are doing, and your view of what is going on with your sister in law.
I think we need to remember, although we cannot fix it, that she has a DISEASE. Possibly a mental health disease and an addiction disease.
We cannot "hate," those who are ill, but there are some illnesses where one must help themselves.
When I give my last statement
some thought, I realize that
MOST diseases require one
participating in their
recovery.
This/These disease(s) that your
family member has is insidious.
Hang in, strong and in the
right.

Dancer9

Dancer9....I hope I haven't given the impression that I hate anyone...I don't. What I hate is seeing what drugs has done to this family. Thanks for your thoughts and wishes, Dancer9. Larry and I will continue supporting each other and our prayers will continue for his sister and mom. Thanks, honey.

Dee, chiming in late because I was so busy for a few weeks. I am so sorry
for all that you are going through. I'll be praying!

Dee, I've been following this thread and all I have to offer is this. Hang tight and Hold strong. Your situation is a bit sticky to say the least. Poor Larry, I feel his stress in all of this too. Some good will come of this I am sure. Mom has to be thinking this through just the same. Sometimes Moms feel so sorry for the underdog that they can't see the forest for the trees. Wishing good days ahead for all.

Dee, I know of two others families that are going through an almost identical situation. One of the families chose "honesty" as their weapon of choice; the other, denial and turn to the other cheek.

I cannot say what I would do, but I will say this, I admire you for using LOVE and HONESTY as your own tools and for caring as much as you do. Sometimes it takes a perspective from the outside to help the "inside" see.

As Chick says, holding you all close, girl...for sure!

Keeping you in my prayers Dee for all you and Larry are going through. Sweetie, I'm sure it's very hard to hang on when it seems no forward motion is happening. But trust that the longer you hang in there realize the end will come and you'll be more blessed because of it.

Diamond, chickadee, JJ (welcome back) and Sandpiper...thanks for your words of support and caring. You don't know how much it means to me to find so much support within these forums.

I think this is harder on Larry than it is me...being his family and all. He's doing pretty well...we're taking this one incident at a time.

JJ...I'm curious how the different approaches to the similiar situations with the families you know is working out? Honesty versus turning the other cheek?

Thanks again you all for reaching back to me via this forum...it gives me hope and strength to keep doing what we're doing. Love you guys.

I can tell you that from years of listening and observing each family, denial is NOT working. They have essentially said, "We will enable you to run all over us, use us up, and deplete everything we own."

I could be sooooo wrong here, so please, NO FAN MAIL on what I'm about to say...but in my limited view (because I don't have experience here) it seems to me that the ones using honesty LOVE the person(s) enough to say NO MORE. Or STOP. Or WE WON'T TOLERATE A,B,C...

I think you have to love them enough to let them fall...but again I say, from what do I know? I haven't been there, or walked a mile in their shoes and all that other stuff. I'm sure there are more qualified contributors here in the forum.

I only know what I have observed...

I had a relative in a similar situation.
The solution was easy: say NO say NO say NO.
Let the police/authorities handle everything. Let the person
go in the slammer for a year, they will come out thanking the
family and the world.

There is nothing to lose, but so much to gain. You just have to
want it that badly for the person.

This relative of mine is now working full-time and going to college
full-time. Previously he was an addict and a dealer of ice/Batu/meth.

He never stops thanking.