My brother Frank would have been 63 this coming October 30th. He died February 21st of cancer. I don't know how I will be that day. I passed the card store today. I pass the funeral home many times in my travels. I knew he was dying because he lost a lot of weight. He was nice but he was also very mean to my brother and I. He was the oldest in our family. Cathy

Cathy, The first year is so difficult. Even now, four years after my Mom died, I have to avoid the Hallmark store on Mother's Day...but the first year without her was brutal. I had to go into the card shop for a sympathy card for someone and was bawling my eyes out right there in the middle of the sympathy cards.

I think grief is even more difficult when there are unresolved issues involved at the time of the person dying. I don't know if that's the case with you, but your comment about him being nice but also very mean makes me think that maybe there are some difficult emotions for you intermingling with the grief. It was like that with me when my Mom died. But I finally feel like I've worked through a lot of that, even to the point of forgiving her, accepting her forgiveness (I can feel it) and now working on forgiving myself.

Anyway, I know a little of how you're feeling. I'll keep you in prayer throughout this coming week and next...next Friday is the 4th anniversary of my Mom's death, so I'll think of you while I think of my own grief this week.

[ October 20, 2005, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

I'll keep both of you in my thoughts....the 23rd is the 15th anniversary of my father's death and I still spend that day every year honoring him in my heart. I usually write a poem just for him. While my outward grief has "moved on" through these years since then, and my inner grief has grown "smaller", there is still a sadness deep within me that will never go away. I've tried to turn it into a day to celebrate his life - but I vividly recall the moment he passed from it.

Hugs to everyone who has dealt with the loss of a loved one.