Wow, we do need more concerned and caring daughters, as you are, Cherry dear. Admirable.

Expanding on the benefits of friendship:
Friendship can accomplish marvelous things.
~To know we are accepted without the fear of judging...
~To share our cares and get wise counsel...
~To just 'hang out' with new and old friends... at our hearts' content...
~No time restrictions...
~Just caring, supportive friends!!

These are only a few blessings of the BWS.
By all means, it's a blessing! So, yes!! I'd encourage her to participate at her own pace.

Blessing to you and yours for being such a caring daughter.

Thanks Ladies! Everything you all said was sitting in the back of my mind I just needed to "hear" it from an outside source. (With the exception of the menopause issue, that is. I would not even know! Oh, my I don't think I will ask either! LOL)

I will definatly tell her about the site!!!! I think she could really get invovled.( Is there a way I can delete this post? I would not want her to figure out I wrote this! )

I will try to arrange a fun day or weekend, something special for her.

Thanks again everyone!


BTW, if you have any suggestion on things for her to do please(no wait, PLEASE) send them my way! I am running out of suggestions for her!


With many thanks,

Cherry

When you are ready to invite her here, just let me know and we can delete the post. However, she might find it flattering to learn that you are concerned about her.

WELCOME to Cherry and JackieG, how cool to see so many new members. Cherry just offer your mom your love and support right now. She is an adult and it may take her sometime to evolve into a new nitch in life...

JackieG, and all the other women with answers here for Cherry, all very good advice as well.

Thanks Dotsie! LOL! It may sound silly to delete the post but I just don't know how she would feel about it.

Cherry

Cherry I have been thinking about your post.And agree with all the ladies they know what they are talking about.

Menopause is a thing that is a natural life change.And can be supported well.First finding your Mothers status..she may be so worn out physically and not really know this.Bloods will show hormone levels. Also thyroid may be askew..Not ever having smoked I dont have personal experience but this habit may have keep her stress down (so others share)

What does interest me is that you feel you cannot ask her about the menopause..maybe a booklet that you can show her..is available.That sounds like role reversal when a Mother gives daughter the "book" about periods and reproduction. I often had to do this for girls at school where I worked.But always acted as a mediator advising that they talk together about these feminine issues.This can be done in a social situation does not need to be face on.Over coffee with a mix of ages..older ladies have a wealth of experience.

I hope that soon you can resolve this situation.Good for you for being concerned. I agree that spending quality time togeteher is a good idea.this need not be to discuss the presnt problem but as a life enhancing event for both of you.
Mountain ash

Some time during counselling as things unfold...anger and bitterness can maifest.This is a stage.A person can get stuck in bitterness and has to be guided to self realisation.

"BTW, if you have any suggestion on things for her to do please(no wait, PLEASE) send them my way! I am running out of suggestions for her!"

Scrapbooking her special events..Recording them for validity.

But feeling secure and loved is the most important thing.

CHerry,
If you haven't seen it rent Devine Secrets of the YaYA Sisterhood, grab a snack & find time for you and Mom to unwind just being together and laughing. I took my Mom (going through Cancer treatments) to this and we had the best afternoon..no deep talking just Mom/daughter closeness & a lot of laughs, few tears (the movie type).
Or any chick flick she might like. this one was so much about Mother/daughter it came to mind. Then maybe talk will flow more freely. Look forward to your MOM hopefully inding her way here.

First of all, I think you are a wonderful daughter to be so concerned about her mother. BUT, she is not a child and your trying to think of things for her to do is likely to come off as kind of patronizing. If you can't even talk to her about whether or not she is experiencing menopause (and maybe you all are not that kind of family), I can't see where trying to fix her life for her, no matter how well-intentioned you are, is going to be met with good cheer.

I think Eagleheart said it very well, but am going to disagree with her a bit: I think your mom may very well be depressed and bitter at what she sees as a drudge life with little pleasure. I need to clue you in on something that has nothing to do with smoking or menopause: middle-aged women are invisible to the larger population and even their families and we all have to learn how to find our own sense of self-worth. This is hard to explain to someone younger, but it's kind of like people could put their hands through you because you're not there. We are *so* youth-obsessed in this culture that the realization that you are out of it forever can come as a sting. For many women, reaching menopause serves as that final slap that they are no longer useful or desirable. (And others, like me, are *so* happy not to support the sanitary products people ever again!) This is one of the reasons why so many women try so desperately to cling to their youthful appearance: they see how older women are dismissed as nothing. (Honestly, we could get away with anything; no one is looking.)

Your mom might be feeling some of the aftereffects of quiting smoking, some hormonal changes due to menopause, some loneliness due to her husband's situation, and just general fatigue. I think it's a great idea to make some time for her that is not work-related so you can talk without distractions. AND, she definitely needs some 'her' time and appreciation; don't we all? You obviously love and care for her and that's wonderful. If you think she's clinically depressed, tell her what you see in her behavior and urge her to get a checkup. She does need to sort out her feelings and not become a black hole because that will bring all of you down. Good luck, of course.

Ell
you said what I try to share with another boomer just turned 60.
The invisible..not all the time but a taste of what may yet come.
Its not about consumerism because here in UK woman Boomers have income..due to legislation re. equal pay.. it stems I believe from a generation who have had "plenty" in material wealth and attention.Makes me sad because everyone finds out sooner or later that each day we grow (older...more mature)

It has started to happen to me.When it DOESN'T happen its such a joy..
Mountain ash