Hello Dotsie! Reading inspirational books, messages and attending spiritual seminars had really helped me to turn to God in these trying times...As they say, "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it...."My 3 girls are my inspiration, the reason for my existence, i mean who give me me joys and enjoy my life...I am learning a lot from them just as they learn from me...I'm glad I was able to keep up with their interests and likes....I spend my weekends with them since I'm a working mother...We live at my parents house so they also look after my girls when Im at work, plus a niece who stays with us since my eldest was still a baby and she takes care of them....my family and friends have been supportive ever since, thats why i could say it has been smooth recovery and healing for me....the pain of my hubby's absence in my life is still here but everytime i feel sad, i just look up and say, " Lord, please take care of this pain, im surrendering it to you" and thats it, im ok again....there's always joy after the pain....God bless....

bekya, I'm glad to hear you have the support of your parents, family and friends. That and our faith is all there is to hold onto during difficult times.

You are smart to stay focused of God by reading inspirational books and attending spiritual seminars.

I'm forever reading and I thought I'd share a great book I just finished. It's called
big girls don't whine: Getting On with the Great Life God Intends, by Jan Silvious. Great title, huh? The book is even better. I am working on whining less. I love it when books encourage me to change.

hello everyhbody! i hope you are all fine...just like to share some what ive read...i believe God wants me to be happy....and He wants the best for my life...
however, its up to me to discern where is that happiness lies for me...
God...in his goodness...would never limit me in my potential to be a good and happy person..
go where my gifts would be more maximize....meet new friends....
coz when a day ends...its me and Him will talk and I will say...thank you God, for letting me know my happiness

Bekya, you are on the right track. Many of us lose out becasue we have a hard time grasping the joy God intends for us. Stay focused on His joy for you. Have you heard from your husband? Is he away at this time?

hello dotsie!
how are u? hope ur always fine...i'm so glad that ive found u here and even though we are faceless, i know ive found friends here....yes, i still hear from my husband because he still communicates and see our kids like during his birthday last week...i let them give gift to their dad...as of now, this is just what im praying and hoping for, that my husband & i be friendly and civil to each other for our kids...as for our relationship as husband and wife, i have surrendered and gave it to the Lord who definitely knows what's best for us....God bless....

bekya, maintaining a friendly relationship for the sake of the kids is vital. You are being a very wise woman. I pray you remain faithful during this time. God is at work within you and guiding your next path. This pain will be worthwhile. I believe everything in life is a stepping stone for what is to come. Just be sure to look for the blessings in every day.

Bekya, it sounds as though your husband wants his cake at to eat it too. After all this time has passed with no solution in site, maybe it is time to make a move towards finalizing the separtion. No man that loves his wife would be estranged from her for so long, no man. You have found God and that is good but you also deserve the love of a good man or at leas the freedom to pursue another form of happiness. Just my opinioin. You can be civil for the girls if you want to be but this is not teaching them to be strong, healthy women in their relationships to come.

[ August 26, 2005, 01:04 AM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Bekya, I've been single for a long time, 15 years, but I remember the pain. The one thing I learned is that most men don't get it until they experience the loss. If a husband turns his back on you, and you want him back, the worst thing you can do is try to keep him. (I learned this the hard way). He needs to feel the loss. I would file for divorce and move on, get some support, such as a divorce recovery group, etc. After he sees that you are on your own 2 feet, feeling good about yourself, getting a life (you are used to being on your own anyway I bet) there is a chance he will come back. And if he doesn't you will be stronger and will be able to handle it. I've heard this theory discussed by Dr. James Dodson.

My experience has been that the crappier you treat them, the better they like it.

I'm sorry you have to go through this pain.

Daisygirl

Beckya,
I believe all marriages are flawed in one way or another and we should give whatever marriage we are in, especially if we have children, every opportunity to succeed.

That said, the Bible appears to give two justifications for ending a marriage. One is infidelity and the other is abandonment. It sounds as if you have been abandonned so according to how you interpret the Scripture, you may have justification for a divorce should you decide to pursue one.

However, the over riding message of the Bible is Love. And with the love that only God can place in our heart, you have the option of forgiving your husband and continuing the marriage. However, are commanded to love our neighbor, we are commanded to love ourselves so you should not sacrifice yourself for anything, including a marriage. Maybe you can keep the marriage and be kind to yourself at the same time if you seek counseling, perhaps first for yourself and then for you and your husband together.

Though he might not be accepting now, with prayer, things change.
smile

Hello ladies! How are you all? Hope you are all doing great...I am fine, getting stronger emotionally, physically and spiritually.. my girls are all fine. i admit I am in the "wait and see" situation now...i admit it is very difficult...i admit I still love my husband and I want my family to be whole again....i have realized our marriage is a sacred union, a commitment i made not only with my husband but with God....beside the fact that divorce is not allowed here in our country, i dont see it as an option...neither will I resort to church annulment (we were married in the catholic church)...aside from that, if Il be the one to file for it, I cant afford it...it is too costly here...about my connection or contact with him, the only thing I ask or run after him is his monthly financial support becos we are paying a loan which I cant afford to pay on my own...I am trying to stand on my own, providing financial, physical, emotional, material needs of our kids..it is hard but no complain or whining on my part becos the Lord is with me...i have decided to find happiness, peace and joy in my present situation now, having a good job, spending quality time with my kids, having family and friends around me, having friends here in the net like u...and i am not waiting on my husband per se, but on God's plan in our lives, if he comes back and we will be whole again, that's wonderful, but if he doesnt, then il accept and il be prepared for the kind of life God has planned for me....God bless all and take care