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#150241 - 06/06/08 01:53 PM
Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
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Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida
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I'm not used to posting since I'm kind of a private person. But since we're all baby boomers here I feel more comfortable spilling my guts! LOL! Anyway, I've come to a point in my life where I'm not sure I want to be with the same person anymore (meaning my husband). It's a complicated situation and I'm hoping I can get some feedback. I've been married twice before and with this husband 16 years. He has anger issues, no patience, no ambition, etc. plus he's addicted to computer [Lavender]. All that adds up to "loser". But here's my problem, we live in a nice house with a pool and I've worked so hard with the decorating and gardening that I don't want to give it up. But, I also don't want to live with him anymore. His "crazy" daughter (my step-daughter) 20 yrs old lives with us, she's bipolar and won't take meds or go to counseling, won't lift a finger to help out around the house, a real slob and husband feels guilty and falls all over himself trying to please HER. I'm left on the back burner. I dont' want to move out and if I do, he will have to sell the house because he doesn't make enough money to pay himself. don't know what to do!!!
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Kathy
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#150244 - 06/06/08 02:18 PM
Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
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Member
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
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Quote:
I guess you have to choose between living miserably in luxury or living a more contented life in a smaller condo.
Hah! Dotsie, we just about said the same thing. Give me a five!
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#150245 - 06/06/08 02:41 PM
Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida
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Thanks you guys! You're all right, I would rather be poor and happy than live in a nice house and not really enjoy it. My husband has a quick hair trigger temper and a very loud voice. He's never been abusive to me, just very scary. I don't make enough to pay the mortgage myself either, we make the small amount of money. Even though I sound materialistic I'm not really just want to keep my good credit rating and have something to show for my age. I would still leave him even if his daughter wasn't there. Thanks again guys!
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Kathy
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#150247 - 06/07/08 02:49 AM
Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
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I'd talk to a good attorney...
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Dee "They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards
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#150248 - 06/07/08 11:25 AM
Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
[Re: Dee]
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Registered: 05/03/08
Posts: 12
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Hi Kathy, I can relate to what you are saying about leaving your house if you read my recent posts. I struggled with the same and did move out of my spacious house/property into a much smaller ranch on a busy street. I am paying lots of money each month to live in my new place while my husband enjoys our property with many less expenses as that mortgage was paid for. This has been my choice and I don't begrudge him. Sometimes I really miss my old house especially on "grouchy" days when I find fault with the new one with not enough space, not enough electrical outlets, not enough privacy, etc. etc. etc. But then I try to remember the freedom and lack of drama that I have here vs. there. I can come and go as I please, leave my stuff around without someone complaining, turn up the music, do the housework naked, whatever I want! That definitely was not the case living with my husband in a turmoiled relationship. I know how hard it is to leave the place you have put so much into and sometimes I think maybe I just should have sucked it up and stayed. Then I think NOT! There is a book my therapist has recommended that I just ordered. It is called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" It is written by an experienced marriage therapist and is designed to ask questions about what you really feel and want. I can't wait to get it! Maybe it would be something you would like too.
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#150250 - 06/07/08 01:08 PM
Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
[Re: Anno]
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Da Queen
Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
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Everything boils down to choices. There are always two. They may not be the ones we desire, but they are there. Peace of mind for being away from the abuse and neglect? Or a nice, comfortable home that has been decorated with love? Stick it out and reap the financial rewards later down the line? Or try it on your own and maybe not have as much?
There are always two choices. At least it seems that way to me. I believe first you need to identify your fears, all of them...and see if they are real. Try to get past them. For instance, who says you can't make it on your own? Why are you putting HIS concerns over your own? Who is living your life? Him? or You? And so forth...and so on.
Every thing I say is out of love for my fellow human being who might be suffering...not for the sake of being heard, and especially not out of being right!
Been there, done that, my friend. And I can tell you this much. Laying my head down at night and feeling good about my day, my self, and my life as a whole, is priceless.
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