DJ, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. The celebration of your Dad's life is fitting.

I'm hoping she got to go home and that's why we aren't seeing her.

I wanted to report back about what happened. We had planned my folks' 60th wedding anniversary -- Dad worked on the guest list and rented the room. Then he died 3 weeks before the event, but we decided to go ahead with it. We opened up the invitations, so about 200 people came, 14 of whom (including my brother, me and a sister in law) got up and paid tribute. Two were from Dad's army unit (he was a Lt Col., WW II vet, served as a Captain in Europe).

My mom was amazed that Dad knew so many people. Even the woman from the dry cleaners was there, and one of the nurses at the retirement home got up to speak. At the home, residents have their own place, but there's a hospital wing if you get sick, or Alzheimers, etc. Dad used to go over there and visit people. The nurse who spoke said she admired how Dad would go over and talk to a former neighbor who got Alzheimers. She said he wouldn't talk "gobbledy gook" but talk to him like a man.

Since mom lost her vision a few years ago, she has become more insular, and has had difficulty going out to meet people. But the party allowed the residents who came to see another side of her. The whole family was there -- even my stepson from my previous marriage (so he's my ex-stepson) and his wife and 3 kids.

We did a couple of things I'd like to share: We asked for contributions to _Your_ favorite charity, in Dad's name, which worked well, in lieu of flowers. Still, we received a lot of flowers. Before I left town, Mom and I went around and delivered 9 bouquets to residents. Some of them were people mom felt grateful to because they keep taking her out to dinner and keep her busy. But others were residents who are worse off than she is. Another widow with macular degeneration, who just had her hip replaced, a widow in a wheel chair, with bone marrow cancer, in a lot of pain, whom no one likes (except for my folks!) because she's somewhat abrasive, and so on. Mom felt good about making them happy with the visit and the flowers.

DJ,I'm so glad you went ahead with the gathering. Doesn't it just warm your soul to know your dad made such an impression on all those people?

DJ,
I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. Dad's are special people
to their daughters. My heart understands!

DJ, I'm sorry for your loss. It's a tribute to him that so many people came to honor his memory.

DJ,
I just saw this post and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Fathers are so special to their daughters.
I'm glad you had the celebration of his life, it was fitting and it sounds like it worked out well for everyone.
Please take care of you in your grief.

Dancer

Thanks Jabber, Dolphin, Meredith, Anne, Eagle, Chatty, Anno, Dancer, JJ, Chickadee, Dots, and anyone I may have missed, for your words of sympathy and support,

Fathers _are_ special to daughters. To sons as well. My little brother seems to be having the hardest time. My older brother and I are probably the most accepting. My younger sister and brother having more trouble. The grandchildren have been very involved, visiting in the hospital, helping with the party, being on call for various tasks.

It's interesting to see how the family dynamic changes. Mom has always been such an independent person. Or seemed to be. Now it's revealed how dependent she was on him. She lost her sight a few years ago and covered up pretty well because he started the dishwasher and the microwave, which she had trouble with.

One big lesson is about community. I mentioned before that they'd moved to a retirement community 6 years ago. They moved into a building that had just been built, so everyone in there moved in at the same time. Kind of like a freshman class. They started traditions together, got adjusted together, and formed bonds. As Dots said, it's cool to see how you can form friendships all through life. The couple next door to my mom have been great -- she of course can't drive (though the week before she was diagnosed with macular degeneration she passed her drivers test!!!!) -- they take her to dinner and even took her to Ravinia, the outdoor concert park in the Chicago area. The husband of that couple even was in the same line of work as my dad.

Speaking of forming friendships later in life, after my divorce about 10 or so years ago, I went to an event with my mom -- it was her business partner's 80th birthday party. This woman asked my mom to join her in a business, when my mom was in her 50s. Mom said that everyone in that room was someone she'd met since her 50s. She said they used to talk about how they couldn't relate to pre-menopausal women! I love this because I teach college students who often say they can't relate to older (i.e., more than 25 years old) people.

DJ, what a lovely reply. Thank you for sharing all of this. I met two women on the beach on Florida. They had lost their Dad one month prior...their hearts were broken and we bonded as we discussed all the ways our Dad's made us feel so special. I know you share in this.

I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you!

What do you teach, DJ?
Dancer