I just lost my dad last week. My family of origin are almost all about 700 miles away, and I visit twice a year. This year we planned my folks' 60th wedding anniversary...but Dad died 3 weeks too soon. I managed to get there 24 hours before he died. It's a long sad story, what happened in the hospital. He went in for emergency surgery and the idiot doctors goofed the first time, and had to go in a gain. The doc actually went around saying he goofed! and then he kept calling us all to say how sorry he was. The second time was too much. Dad was 90. We're all devastated. Mom has macular and was so dependent on him. We're going ahead with the party but are altering it into a celebration of Dad. I used to talk to him on the phone every week for about an hour, but it's still not the same as face to face. We've had our problems over the years but had been on very good terms for the past few decades. Although I've grown to detest the sort of torture the airports put you through these days, I'm going to try to visit mom more than twice a year now. She's 90 also.

DJ, please know that I am sorry to hear of your loss. Not the time to talk about it but you may have to do something about that Dr. A celebration of your Dad in lieu is a good idea. I am sure your Mom, bless her heart, will enjoy your visits.
Hugs Dear Girl

DJ, my heart aches with you. I'm so sorry for your immense loss. I too am holding you in prayer and heart during this sad time. Your upcoming celebration of his life will probably bring lots of fun memories and laughter - hold onto those, they will bring much comfort not only now but later on in the journey.

We're all here for you if/when you ever need shoulders to cry on and/or to talk.

DJ, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please know I'm carrying you in prayer.

How's your mom doing? You have family in town with her, right?

These are the times it's tough to be spread out across the country. I recall how hard it was for my out of town sister when Mom died.

Glad you made it to the hospital to see him.

Dear DJ, I am holding you in my prayers as well. Sending hugs...

DJ, I am so, so sorry to hear of your families loss. How wise of everyone to still get together and celebrate his life.

Love and blessings to you.

Thank you all so much for the supportive words and prayers. It really means a lot to get that sort of support.

I'm the only sibling that's not in town with my mom. Even one of my sons lives there with his wife. They can all be together, but it's harder actually being far away. When we were together the week I was there -- visiting in the hospital, getting the news, crying together, planning the funeral, helping mom, going through Dad's clothes and papers and stuff -- what a trip that was! -- we all had dinner together every night, swapped stories and so on. Dad was a real racconteur and had some amazing stories of his adventures, many of which during WWII in Europe where he was a captain in the army. He was a fun and funny guy. Now I'm fascinated to learn about how people related to him. They were (mom still is) in a retirement community. Dad befriended every human he came across, from the receptionist, to the nurses, to the keepers of the little resale shops, etc. Everyone knew him and had their special sorts of conversations with him. Mom had no idea who many of the people were who showed up at the funeral. He used to visit folks in the convalescent wing -- he just went over and sat with them, some he knew and others he didn't. This is a tender side that he didn't show us very often, so it's really interesting to learn about it.

The other interesting thing is how they all support each other over there. I was saying to mom how it must be tough for folks there to suddenly lose someone -- and dad went suddenly. She said they get used to it and don't dwell on it. She also said "it's going to happen to you too!"

My parents don't easily talk about the spiritual world. I've talked with friends about God and death and the afterlife ever since I was very little. But my parents just don't.

So, my husband and I were getting ready to drive out there tomorrow, but now he's sick. We can't leave tomorrow! Maybe he won't be well enough to go at all, but I have to, even if I have to fly by myself! But I can't leave him when he's so sick!

To borrow a phrase from my kids: This summer sucks!

I'm sorry for the loss of your father, DJ. I just noticed your posting today on this topic.

DJ, sorry you are having a sucky summer. You must feel so torn.

Isn't it interesting that a lot fo the support yourmom is getting is from a community they moved to not so very long ago? This is why I believe it's so important for all of us to continue making friends forever. WE need one another at every stage in life.

Your time with your fmaily while at home sounded delightful, even though you were mourning. It's neat how deaths can bring familes closer together. It definitely happened to us while Mom was dying.