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#145197 - 03/22/08 12:58 PM
Re: grieving teen, please help
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Wow, what a heartbreaker, Dotsie. At such a young age. No easy answers, but one thing I would want her to know is that it's okay to be angry with God, okay to yell her rage at Him - His shoulders are big enough and His love is deep enough to take the rage and love her through the agony.
It's also okay NOT to have any answers, to tell her that you don't know the "why" either, and that you too, even with your profound faith, still ask God "why". It's okay to share with her that you don't know why, but that in your experience, God does weep with us and walks in the depths of that pain with us.
And I don't know if she's open to hear this, but it's my belief that our loved ones find ways to reach us, like yellow butterflies, or something similar that will have special meaning between her and her Dad. If she keeps her eyes and heart open, her Dad WILL be trying to send similar signs that he's still with her in spirit and love.
Anything seems inadequate in the face of such excruciating loss, and the words may seem hollow and meaningless right now, but maybe they'll plant the seeds that will help her further down the road.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#145198 - 03/22/08 03:12 PM
Re: grieving teen, please help
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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*Hold her and let her cry, she has a right. *Explain to her that we are NOT our bodies, we are souls, and forever with each other. *Ask her to explain to God how she feels by writing a letter to him - sometimes writing feels more solid while spoken words or thoughts disappear, but explain to her how God already understands and is sad along with her. He, of all, knows and understands. *Tell her to watch for the reason for God taking him home so soon. There is a divine purpose, she only needs to look for it. *Help her accept that she is also in the picture of creating a divine purpose, and that from the strength she will gain through this experience, she will have the knowledge and understanding to help the person who might soon cross her path with a similar situation.
This is an excellent opportunity for someone to help her understand more of what our life journeys are about. We aren't here to be with each other forever. We aren't here to collect things, and people, in our lives. We aren't about earthly feelings, and earthly moments. We are working toward something bigger, much bigger.
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#145201 - 03/22/08 05:36 PM
Re: grieving teen, please help
[Re: gims]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Quote:
This is an excellent opportunity for someone to help her understand more of what our life journeys are about. We aren't here to be with each other forever. We aren't here to collect things, and people, in our lives. We aren't about earthly feelings, and earthly moments. We are working toward something bigger, much bigger.
Your words shine light into my heart today, Gims...I love feeling the wee glimmer of excitement (about being part of something much bigger) breaking through the sadness...like JJ says, the pain never completely goes away, but time, perspective and love help to soften the jagged edges.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#145204 - 03/23/08 02:20 AM
Re: grieving teen, please help
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Member
Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
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Having lost a mother at age 18, and after all these years...I have learned that God is the incorrect One to whom we direct our anger. It is satan....who comes to kill, steal and destroy.
Yes, God allows death...due to the events in the Garden, but thankfully He created Heaven as well. God normally gets the blame, but He can take it...He's God!
And yes, I agree that it is a perfect witnessing opportunity. Not sure the man was a Christian...and if you do not know, the young teen can be assured to go to Heaven, with a good chance that he/she will see the Dad again.
When one dies unexpectedly, we are not "there" so we do now know what happened: perhaps he had a deathbed Christ experience.
Anyway, just my thoughts.
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#145205 - 03/25/08 03:45 AM
Re: grieving teen, please help
[Re: Di]
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Member
Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
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I have not been on these posts for a while now. But I do want to comment.
I can relate. My son lost his best friend when she was 13, he was 13 also. His reaction was to say that God does not exist. He even lashed out and said he hated God. He was filled with anger for part of his grief process. Like most people there is shock and disbelief, denial, sadness and then usually anger. I find anger the last stage before you get some relief. When my son went through this he said things like, who cares about school, when I tried to make him go. What does it matter, we are all going to die anyway. Life just sucks, there is nothing good about it. etc. etc. He had me very worried. I couldn't say anything right during that time so learned to back off. I tried to explain to him about God thinking I was helping to comfort him but it was no use, his mind was made up.
It wasn't until I lost my father that I could relate to what he was going through. I blamed God too, for taking my father from me. Then I blamed my Mom in that order and I was angry at her for a long time. It doesn't make sense to those who have little experience with grief but anger is a big part of grieving. I think that we have to get angry and blame someone as the pain is just too much to bare. Anger keeps us from totally falling apart as we can only take so much of the incredible devastation of the initial grief. That's the way I see it anyway.
I would just let her vent and get it out. She will get through this and will do her own searching down the road and may ask questions then. Later on when she is feeling better she may be more open to talk about God and the meaning of Life, Death etc.
Now is the time to just be there for her and not to try to reason as her grief is raw and this is just not the time to go there. The time will come and she will let the people who love her know when the time is right.
Hope this helps. Kate
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