Sorry to hear you're going through this with your daughter...and it's good that she said she appreciates your opinion. You and I agree that we say these things out of love...not control.
I've sort of learned to tiptoe through some of the issues concerning girlfriends...learned the hard way. But, what's weird is the times I did speak up against what prior girlfriends were doing...he would dig in his heels and lo and behold they proved what I tried to tell him. He knows me well enough to know that when I put in my 2 cents that it's out of love...but, I sent him an email awhile ago and told him that I respect him and his decision and this is his life and I support whatever he decides to do. It's all I can do...like you say, it's tough to watch them suffer through things but in the end this woman he's dating is going to be their undoing.

Dee,
My oldest son just broke up with a very lovely girl we all adore. Their problem was relegious based and the fact that she and her mom belittled him for some of the most childish things. Not saying that just cause he's my kid either. He called me and we talked for hours about this. Again, he called and she was wanting to try again. But, he said she'd have to change here and there and she says he's got to change. Yet, neither of them are willing o listen to what the other wants changed of them. So, my advice to him was " You are almost 2 weeks out of this relationship and doing much better. Do you really want back in it, knowing the differences are not workable if you neither one are wiling to compromise. Thus, you have to go back through another break up and the healing done so far has to be repeted. When 2 people LOVE each other, they don't have to ask the other one to change, the other person should see what they do that makes their mate unhappy and change themself out of love for their mate. Likewise, if you really love her, you'd be willing to change to suit her. OR at least both of you come to a workable compromise each giving a little toward common ground. He took this very well and laughed telling me his brother, (the soon to be Groom) told him Mom will give good advice and be honest. When I inquired if his brother told him why he said that - he didn't. I told him it was probably due to during one of his brothers breakups with his fiance' I told the poor boo-hooing son, "Right now I wouldn't marry you either". LOL
I'm so lucky to have this close bond with my sons, it's based on years of listening & never let them see you sweat, no matter how shocked you are, stay cool, level and nuteral. I wish you and your son the best working through this. Tell him he deserves the same loyality he gives. My oldest is close to 29, your's is 31, maybe he's like my son and really wants a relationship so much that he's willing to settle. LOL My husband didn't get lucky/ME till he was in his mid 30's. Oour boys have plenty of time to find real love.

Dee, don't you just love emailing the kids? It's such a neat way to comunicate on certain topics.

Qball, it's bad enough to have a girl rag on you, but her mom too? Thats not fair.

Q-ball...I'm so glad to know that your relationship with your sons is so good...and it's wonderful that they can come to you for sound advice. There's nothing better than having a child (adult) come to you for advice and actually taking it. You did a lot right in raising them.

Dotsie...yes, I love it when my sons and I email...My younger son is a man of few words but when he does email it's awesome. My older son is like me...could go on and on and that's always fun.

id been reading and not so sure what to write , i don't have teenage sons apart from one in partners life but we aint that close anymore and gebneralie he's become a closed book, i know p worries more about this thatn the bad details she is told. I could generalise the situasion to a frend and how i don't like to see them hurt but that be underplaying what you feel dee as the feeling for kids are soooooo much more than that of a frend.

thinking bout my owen experinces and one if not the single most thing i whished i had with my mother was for her to listen to me without it being used in some way that wasen't nice.

thats what your doing dee and what a great asset you must be for him. I know its hard and painfull to watch but someone said before that all we can do is let them walk their owen pathway (i just been writting about this in another thread) and how hard but necassarie it is, listening, giving best advice, not contoling situasion is the best any of us can do for any other. Your doing all you can, i am sure it won't stop the pain but all that can be done is being done. Can that firm knowlage content you in anyway?

I found it!

Anno, that's great.

Dee, that's funny. My youngest will go on and on and my oldest is a man of few words. I love emailing with him.

ANNO--- You crack me up girl!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I'm going to copy it and send it to my son.

Celtic...you always give wonderful advice and I am touched that you offer it kindly and so sweetly. Thank you

Dotsie...if we can't see our kids as often as we'd like, knowing we can email at anytime sure doee help.

It's the "mating dance." Eventually someone tires and walks away. Just be there for your son and prepare yourself for a repeat performance with a new partner, or maybe not. Perhaps the next time the dance will be nice and slow and continue past midnight. This is my way of saying, "Hang in there mom!"

NYW...I'm hanging in there...and I love how you phrased it. When my son emailed me that she'd been on the phone to her ex I wanted to send him an email that said...."and you're surprised because....?" But, I didn't. We mom's have to hold it in sometimes, don't we.

Love ya'll for all the support.