hello!
i'm new here and in recovery, coming up on 6 years. i was guilty of the "drink and dial" for many years and most of the time didn't even remember that i did it.

i got sober when i was ready, after many years of knowing i needed to. friends and family let me know how they felt more than once and it only angered me and made me feel ashamed so i'd avoid them. it took me finally tiring of that lifestyle to do something about it.

now i mentor women in recovery through a program called Women for Sobriety (womenforsobriety.org). it's heartbreaking to see women come into the program and relapse, but i know i can only provide them with the tools and they have to do the work.

i think it's a good idea to tell friends and family how you feel when dealing with an alcoholic. you can't change them but you may be planting a seed and it can help them in the future.

it's nice to be here!

Deb, welcome to the forum! I appreciate your input. I've tried to be patient, but when this lady comes back from vacation she plans to get a dog and that is when I'll have to tell her PLEASE do not get a dog, you cannot handle the needs of a dog!

Again, welcome!

Daisygirl

Daisygirl,

Before you tell her, may I make a suggestion? (hope you dont' mind)...

Ask her if she minds if you are brutally honest with her. And that you MEAN very honest but out of love for her. It may hurt, but you must say what you feel is right. And she can take what she needs and leave the rest.

Have to put my two cents in here.
You can be brutally honest over and over again with an alcholic, and they still will do whatever they want, when they want, and not care about what you are trying to do to help them.
They have to be ready to start living a different life. Meaning no alcohol.
My friend had to hit bottom before she finally realized she had to change her life.
Some people aren't that lucky, and never get out of their "alcohol fog."
My relaying this is because I lost my father and fatherinlaw to alcoholism, and it's not a pretty to sight to watch.
You can give them all the advice, love, anger, and pity, and they will still do whatever they want.
Daisygirl.....I hope you can talk your friend out of getting a dog. Good luck!
Lynne

Di you are right - I will try to get her permission before I talk to her. The thought of her having a dog depending on her concerns me tremendously.

Lynne, my father was an alcoholic also and he died from cancer, but his death may have been prevented if he hadn't covered up the pain with booze.

It's really sad to watch her spiral downward, but this lady I do not consider a friend, because I've kept her at arm's length since she's had her problem since I've known her. She is very lonely and probably depressed, but she thinks she drinks because she's lonely, but really, she's lonely because she drinks and normal people shy away from her. That's why she wants a dog. She wanted Asia, my foster dog, but I convinced her that she is an active dog and wouldn't do well in a condo.

Daisygirl

It's so hard to watch others spiral down in addictions and not be able to do anything. I agree that people don't do anything until they are ready - which can be so frustrating to those of us who care. I have a brother who is homeless on and off due to his drinking and drugging and it breaks my heart not to be able to help him. I don't understand why he keeps choosing that lifestyle but her does.

I still think it's a good idea to say how you feel, with care and compassion and kindness. You never know the seeds you may be planting.

Question: Can you pray with her?

I certainly will if she will allow me to. When I have this conversation with her, I will also pray before.

The truth is that until someone is willing to accept the help offered, there is no help for them...Its sad but some of these poor people are just lost causes. I suppose the trick is to know when thats true and whether or not our own persistance can change the outcome or if we're wasting good time that could be given to someone wanting our help...I applaud you for trying.

[ December 23, 2005, 07:40 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Daisy, prayer is the best thing you can do. That puts it in God's hands and then you know your efforts are blessed.

Deb, will you see your brother at Christmas?