I read a great article in our local paper about kids and alcohol. The message was this:

Parents are telling their kids not to drink and drive,BUT they are not telling them not to drink.

Dotsie,

Sadly, this doesn't surprise me. As a counselor I know of the negative impact and consequences such an attitude can have on teens. This is a sad commentary on the state of our world today. The point isn't that kids are going to drink, the point is that if you don't want your kids drinking then say so! And enforce rules around that! I really like those commercials that talk about how parents are the anti-drug because that's so true in my opinion.

Children and adolescents need rules and consequences for breaking those rules. When the rules are blurry then kids start making their own decisions based on inadequate and immature judgements. No fault of their own-- it's a developmental thing. My opinion is that as adults it is up to us to lead the way-- if we don't want kids drinking then we need to show them how to live life sober. We cannot expect youngsters to live according to rules that the adults aren't even willing to follow.

Kelly

I read an article tonight that said, don't worry what their drinking, worry what they're wearing. As if parents don't have enough to worry about.

WHAT!???!!!

Give me a break -- I'm just trying to get my kids out of their teen years alive.

What they wear doesn't impact that (much)!

d.

I beg to differ my dear, some of these girls barely wear enough to cover there unmentionables and the same with some of the boys, pants down to their knees. If they are allowed to dress like they are looking for trouble theres a good chance they'll find it. I have to say I feel sorry for the young men because these young women flaunt all they have then wonder why they get date raped. I am not sticking up for the boys, not hardly there is NO excuse for rape PERIOD...I merely said you usually get what you ask for even in your style of (un)dress. Thats what the article was referring to.

Well, this is certainly a controversy. My husband is a restaurant manager. One of the servers finished his shift, and changed into his street clothes. Then this young kid was in the restaurant ordering his meal while wearing a tee shirt with **** you on the back of it! My husband asked him to leave, and never wear that shirt in the restaurant again, even tho it was the kid's time off. I think the kid crossed the line. Another thing is the hostessess that come to work with too small tee shirt and low riding pants with their pierced navals on display. I don't understand this type of dressing, nor do I understand the "goth" look. But, since when does what they are wearing have more of an impact than what they are drinking? That does not make sense! LLL

I don't think what they wear has more of an impact necessarily, but it has an impact just the same. If you have several problems, they will have LARGE impacts on your life, and SMALL impacts on your life. Their still problems. Same with the

1) Wearing clothes that are revealing
2) Drinking/GETTING DRUNK and driving

Both things have caused some problems with our youth. What's the greatest issue? I suppose that would answered best by the youth that has been date raped, or the one who is going to prison for killing an innocent baby in the other car the drinking/drunk kid hit. You see the point I'm making?

If you want to know what has the greatest impact, ask the victim. You don't have to go far. Ask Natalie Holloways Mom.

JJ

Having been broad sided by a 19 yr old drunk driver who killed a 20 yr old riding with him, endangered my children, and nearly killed me, I think the difference between drinking and Driving Drunk is that the the drunk driver endangers not only himself, but others.

I never met the guy who hit me, and he barely knew the guy who was killed. I was barely conscious when I learned that the young man had died, but it certainly affected me and still does. I wonder if the drunk driver even cared. He was never prosecuted because it was in a small town and his parents knew the right people and I was certainly in no condition to pursue charges.

Drinking and dressing seductively is inviting trouble, but driving drunk is a CRIME.
smile

As I said, the difference belongs to the victim.

I'm so sorry Smiles honey, you didn't deserve that.

Love ya, JJ

Smile, I'm so sorry to hear your story. And that's not the only bad accident you've been involved in, is it?

My son got a moving violation ticket for making an illegal right turn. He had to pay the ticket, but got no points. Since he's a new driver he had to take a driver''s rehab course on a Saturday.

I can't believe what he witnessed. And nothing was done about it either. There was a mad he guessed to be in his mid-thirties in the class. My son said he acted out, spoke out, and disrespected the teacher and other kids in the class. On the break, he carried his little cooler outside and popped open a cold beer, drank it, then went back to being his disrespectful self in class. Can you imagine that? This was the middle of a Saturday.

Just think. If he can't make it through a driver's rehab class without a beer, can you imagine him behind the wheel of a car with his little cooler sitting right next to him?

Gee Dotsie, I think the people who run those programs are contractors so they would have no authority so I suppose they have no power to kick anyone out, but it sure sounds like that guy should have been in jail.

No one can learn anything or make good decisions when their thinking is impaired. That's the problem with driving drunk, people have to decide if they are too drunk to drive after they have had a few and their thinking is already impaired.
If we are going somewhere where we will be drinking even a glass of wine, we decide ahead of time who will drive home and that person gets no wine. It's just too dangerous in this crowded world.
smile

I personally never had a drink, yep that right. I have never smoked either or have I done drugs. I was always the designated driver for the group and still am today. I hate the taste of alcohol in cough syrup so how could it be good in a drink, blah!!! Hate the smell of cigarettes and cigars but don't mind a nice smelling pipe as long as the smoke isn't too near me. And drugs, heck I hate the ones that are necessary to me and why would I want to take others that serve no purpose but to fry the brain and make one stupid? My parets gave us good examples to follow always about that. Me too but both my boys drink and smoke and have done drugs and one probably is still doing them, don't know for sure....I guess good example just goes so far and curiosity and peer pressure win out sometimes...

Chatty,

That is VERY impressive!

D.

Chatty, you bring up a very good point. How is it that some people are able to make good choices about alcohol and drugs while others have no control. So much of it has to do with curiosity and peer pressure, but it also has to do with brain chemistry. And that's the part people don't realize they're messing with when they begin experimenting.

This reminds me of a story I read somewhere about making personal choices. It goes something like this.
Two sons of an alcoholic...

One said," My Dad was a drunk, I am a drunk...it's all his fault." The other son said, My Dad was a drunk, I saw how it affected our family, and I refuse to raise my children that way."

I believe brain chemistry is a factor, also. Alcoholism is described as a disease. So much we don't know about it yet.

chick

Hi everyone, I had a boyfriend (yes, just one!) when I graduated high school. This boy had his eyes on me since the 6th grade. We were both too shy to get together. Long story short, the summer of 1972 we met up, and could not ignore the chemistry. His father was an alcoholic, and so was mine, and we bonded over the hazards of our parents. At the same time, he and I drank the summer away, having beer keg parties in the barn at his house, his father drinking along with the kids. However, my boyfriend would say, "I never want to be like him. I am going to make something of my life." Indeed my boyfriend is a top-notch environmental hydro-geologist and skiier. So, if the USGS needs someone to ski atop a glacier and sample for global warming, he's the guy. His father died of alchohol related conditions at the age of 43. My boyfriend (oops, ex) is now 53 with a 3 year old child. As for me, most of you know the story: I abused drugs and alcohol to ease the pain of my childhood. I'm 51 now, and I haven't had a drink since the Judds did their pay-per-view farewell tour in 1994. (another long story) By the way, when I go to Vermont in August for the writer's conference, this ex-boyfriend will be picking me up at the airport. 33 years after the summer of 1972. So, my point is, alcohol can be a genetic disease, but it can also be a choice. Love and Light, Lynn

I have always said that alcoholics and addicts have no choice in taking the second drink or drug because the addiction impairs their thinking from the time the substance hits their system.

But "choosing" to take the first drink or drug is unforgivable because it affects not only them, but everyone around them.
smile

The above mentioned boyfriend (oops, ex) doesn't know this, but...one morning in 1972 I was alone in the house with boyfriend's father. Everyone was off at school or at work. I was upstairs, and I heard a thud downstairs. I was so scared, I waited a few minutes, then decided I'd better check this out. There was Mr. S., on the floor, having convulsions. He had said the night before that he was going to stop drinking once and for all. I guess that he immediately went into withdrawal. We didn't have 911 at the time, and the house was in the country. I called a neighbor whose number happened to be on the wall, and they came rushing over. What would have happened if I had waited any longer? It was just 10 years after that that Mr. S died. Do you think it scared me straight? No, not at that time. I was one of those children that raid the family's liquor cabinet. I did it when I was 13 to ease the pain. Well, how far I've come. My husband and I don't even own a liquor cabinet! LLL

[ July 07, 2005, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: lynn329 ]

Oh geeshhhh.........if you have a week, I could give you HORROR stories about drinking and driving, drugs and more drugs.

I work in criminal court......

Need I say more?

Every single one of our cases involves either alcohol or drugs. Most of our defendants are under 25 years of age and being sent to prison for 5 years PLUS because of their inability to control their actions.

Seems so senseless!!

Then we have families of the deceased victims crying their eyes out in testifying that they want the defendant to get "life" sentences.

Talk about a heartbreaker!

Being I have four daughters myself........I can't imagine the pain that a parent feels when they loose their own child to drunk driving, or drugs.

My step sister overdosed on prescription drugs when she was 35 years old. This was 7 years ago. Left behind a 5 months old daughter and a 8 year old son. My step father never shows emotions.....and to see him crying like a baby at her funeral was a vision that is forever carved in my heart.

Times are so different than when I was in highschool......sometimes my daughters tell me "ohhh mom, your being overprotective"......but I would rather be this way then to allow them to run around and be subjected to someone else's stupidity, road rage, stray bullet or any of the above. Makes me sick just thinking about it.

Teresa

Teresa,

Is there anything in particular that you've found to be a helpful tool in communicating to teens the hazards of drugs and alcohol?

My 16 yr old and I have a VERY open dialog - but I still sense that she could at any opportunity make a quick decision and do something stupid (it has happened before).

I have since then purchased home drug tests - and let her know that when she goes "out" that I have the right to test her...and if she fails...freedom is history!

danita

Good for you Danita, tough love works when all else fails....

Thanks for the encouragement Chatty.

I know you "empty nesters" might think I'm out of my mind -- but I can't wait to get these aliens out of my house! LOL

Actually, I would like them to be in my home as long as they would like to be - but #1 is just frothing at the mouth to grow up. We've had this talk about how "good it looks" to be on ones own..and how hard it is in actuality. She has NO vision for her life. She should have been born in the 60's...drugs, sex, rock and roll, peace, and whatever else suits her philosopy of the day.

I am "working on her" to see if we can get her headed at least to a trade school.

It is horrifyingly frightening rasising kids in these days and times! The internet alone is a huge challange!

I just want my kids to grow up to be safe, healthy, productive adults. you know!

d.

Danita, we have done the drug testing too. I think it gives the kids a reason for not being able to partake. I am always so glad that we stuck with our punishments when the kids were little because they know we mean business when we say we'll take away their car, nights out, whatever.

I am a firm believer in setting guidelines and drawing boundaries. As much as they complain, I still think it's best for them in the long run.
Fortunately, my husband and I stand together on this.

I've told my kids that if I knew they would make it out of college alive, if I had that guarantee, it would be a different story. I know this isn't in my control, but I do think setting limits helps them live safer lives.

As far as drug testing goes:

-my oldest was offered a paid internship with a great company this summer. He recieved a huge packet of forms in the mail which he had to fill out and return. Included in the mailing was a form for a drug test. He had to have the test within 48 hours. YES! I thought that was awesome for the kids to see how something so stupid could have kept him from an opportunity of a lifetime for a rising college junior. It pays to keep them safe.

There was an eposode on The Bill Cosby show when his 16 year old son Theo wanted to live on his own and Cosby said you have to finish school or not get a decent job. Theo said he'd drive a bus or something like that like a 'regular person,' Cosby was a doctor on the show. Then Cosby said and make how much and Theo said $250.00 a week. So Cosby counted out a months worth of Monopoly money making it $1000.00. Theo was thrilled and said this is cool and Cosby said no wait there are expenses living on your own...Lets see taxes from your wages say $200.00 leaves you $800.00 you see the government comes for the 'regular people' first. What about rent $400.00, then theres food and clothes thats $300.00 and Theo said nope, I can eat mostly peanut butter and wear jeans and t-shirts so only need $150.00. You'll need transportation $50.00 and Theo says, yea thats great and I still have $200.00 left, looking very smug until Cosby says, oops wait one minute, do you plan on having a girlfriend? and Theo said, I sure do! Cosby then grabbed the last of the money and said, entertainment, thats that! It was funnier when you saw it but I thought it was a fantastic way to get his point across....

[ July 11, 2005, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty,

That is sooo funny. Such a visual tool. I'll have to do that with my teen who thinks she can make a living doing newspapers. (we did it together one summer for "grocery money") I would rather die then ever throw another newspaper! LOL.

d.

Gosh, girlfriends, I succombed to the drug craze of the sixties. As you know, I was in a dysfunctional family, and used any means to escape the pain. Even with my personal experience, I have no words of wisdom regarding protecting the children of today from drugs and alcohol. To think that our young men and women are being incarcerated in their twenties! There but for the grace of God go I. What a waste of potential. Danita, what concerns me about your daughter is her lack of orientation toward the future. As you know, I did not think I had a future, therefore I did not plan. It took me 10 years to get my first college degree because I thought, "What's the use? I'm not going to be around past age 26 anyway." Even though my family situation was dysfunctional, my mother tried too hard to get me out of the house before I was ready. I wish she had kept me closer to home, closer to her heart. Danita, is your daughter interested in fashion? From what I've seen, she appears to have an individual sense of style. Love and Light, Lynn

[ July 12, 2005, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: lynn329 ]

Lynn, great point about D's daughter. Maybe she's be interested in fashion design? Let's pray that her passion will be revealed to her.

Lynn,

I'm with you on all of your points! This is why as of late now that her mind seems to be "clearer" that I can help her think beyond working at the local 7-11 (it's cool these days to NOT have a plan and a vision).

Very very good thought about fashion design school. I just had that thought the other day. Funny, huh

Another big prob. with her is her boyfriend in MD - and she wants to move out the summer of her 17th bday to be with him (next summer). (it was a miracle she didn't run away - and I got her to agree to stay that long). I've just been praying that she would have a change of heart between here and there!

Keep a praying ladies - God is on the throne, and he cares about this kid! :0)

hugs,
danita

Oh my, Danita, 17 is too soon for her to move out there with her boyfriend. Yikes, Yikes, yikes! It was cool to drift aimlessly when I was her age. You know, the mottos were "don't trust anyone over 30" and "go with the flow" and avoid establishment, and "the corporation has no conscience." I took that a little too seriously, never quite finding my fit until my forties. The problem with that is that finances suffer. I would guess that a girl who thinks a good job is at the 7-11 has low self-esteem. Hey, that is funny about fashion design. What does she say about that? LLL

We talked about it yesterday, she said "you're just trying to keep me in Colo longer".

I said, "nope - I just want to make sure you have all the tools you need to support yourself".

She's thinking.

I'm not making a big deal out of the "leaving next summer" routine - I'm trusting God.

1.5 yrs ago she was a good candidate to run away - I'm just glad to have her home and in control.

We've been through alot with this kid - there was a time she said she NEVER wanted to leave us (remember those days!).

We'll get through this and she'll end up being an amazing productive adult.

Those things you said Dots are exactly what her and her friends think. Ughhh.

Danita

OOPS, sorry Lynn - I thought that last post was from Dots. lol. See how much I pay attention!

Thank for your input - insightful as always!

We HAVE to get toghether soon!

hugs,
danita

Hi Danita, yes, we have to get together soon. I'm still thinking that Aspen Grove in Littleton would be a good mid way meeting place. What do you think? There are plenty of fashion schools on the east coast if your daughter is determined to go there. LLL

Hi everyone-

Some good things are happening in my household --thanks for the encouragement and prayers.

My husband is selling ---- yippie skippie....

In fact, we are going away for the wk. end for some "romantic time alone". Wooo hooooo. He signed up for a timeshare demo - so we get free lodging. (what a bonus. lol. Free lodging in a crampy hotel room - in trade for a high pressured sales presentation! love it! lol)

Anywho, I had put the "bug" in my daughters' ear about going to a trade school of some type...and she came to us the other night and said that she would like to look into it. WOWIE! It's not a done deal - but she is realizing that she needs to be better prepared for the "real world". God is good, ladies!

So, I'll be back around Tuesday. In the mean time - I'm putting children, household, and eek, my business behind me...taking the top down (of the convertable, girls)...and pretending I am a newlywed.

great, big, happy hugs,
danita

Danita, As I type, I hope you are going down the highway, top down and singing to the top of your lungs to the music, nothing but good things on your mind, seated close to your hard working, deserving husband. Have an absolutely wonderful honeymoon kind of time.

chick

Sounds so romantic, maybe theres hope for the male population after all. At least some of them....Happy honeymooning to you both.

Darn, you were talking about the convertible! Bet your hubby was wishing differently.

I am so happy to hear that hubby is selling, daughter is considering a trade, and hubby had the good sense to take advantage of an inexpensive weekend and take you AWAY! Praying you come back renewed and refreshed.

I'm baaaackkkk!

We had the best time! We truly honeymooned for 3 days! wooo hoooo!

I stepped outside of my comfort zone (which I have committed to doing from here on out)..and got on a tandum bike (bike built for 2) and road down the mountain 9 miles, and back up 9 miles. I am not very athletic at this stage in my life -but am trying to be more active. This little jaunt on the bike was an ego booster for me. I don't know if any of you ladies have ever ridden on the back of a tandum bike with a man in control - wow. I wanted to get off the first 100 yards and get my own bike. We REALLY had to work together, and HE had to keep the speed in control. It was definitly a bonding experience. I can't wait to do it with him again!

Anywho, we were in Breckenridge Colorado - which is just heavenly.

I even put a swimsuit on and layed by the pool (for 10 yrs I did NOT do this!).

So, glad to be home - and I am refreshed! (but tired - with a VERY sore undercarriage. LOL)

I've been married 20 years - and I have to say I'm more in love with this man then ever! I do want to kill him sometimes, but that's part of the passion, isn't it! lol!

danita

[QUOTE]by Danita...[/I've been married 20 years - and I have to say I'm more in love with this man then ever! QUOTE]

That says it all...

chick

Danita, thanks for sharing your love for your spouse. We need to hear more of that! Congrats.

I saw a friend on Saturday who has many children. She and her hubby just got away for an anniversary and also loved every second of it. It's refreshing to hear about married couples living life to the fullest and enjoying one another's company.

A friend once told me that she went away for her 50th birthday to Ireland with her husbnad and some friends (cool, huh?). She realized on that trip that she wasn't the stick in the mud her kids made her out to be. She still knew how to kick back and have a good time. It was a midlife epiphany for her. You go girls!