Good for you Danita, tough love works when all else fails....

Thanks for the encouragement Chatty.

I know you "empty nesters" might think I'm out of my mind -- but I can't wait to get these aliens out of my house! LOL

Actually, I would like them to be in my home as long as they would like to be - but #1 is just frothing at the mouth to grow up. We've had this talk about how "good it looks" to be on ones own..and how hard it is in actuality. She has NO vision for her life. She should have been born in the 60's...drugs, sex, rock and roll, peace, and whatever else suits her philosopy of the day.

I am "working on her" to see if we can get her headed at least to a trade school.

It is horrifyingly frightening rasising kids in these days and times! The internet alone is a huge challange!

I just want my kids to grow up to be safe, healthy, productive adults. you know!

d.

Danita, we have done the drug testing too. I think it gives the kids a reason for not being able to partake. I am always so glad that we stuck with our punishments when the kids were little because they know we mean business when we say we'll take away their car, nights out, whatever.

I am a firm believer in setting guidelines and drawing boundaries. As much as they complain, I still think it's best for them in the long run.
Fortunately, my husband and I stand together on this.

I've told my kids that if I knew they would make it out of college alive, if I had that guarantee, it would be a different story. I know this isn't in my control, but I do think setting limits helps them live safer lives.

As far as drug testing goes:

-my oldest was offered a paid internship with a great company this summer. He recieved a huge packet of forms in the mail which he had to fill out and return. Included in the mailing was a form for a drug test. He had to have the test within 48 hours. YES! I thought that was awesome for the kids to see how something so stupid could have kept him from an opportunity of a lifetime for a rising college junior. It pays to keep them safe.

There was an eposode on The Bill Cosby show when his 16 year old son Theo wanted to live on his own and Cosby said you have to finish school or not get a decent job. Theo said he'd drive a bus or something like that like a 'regular person,' Cosby was a doctor on the show. Then Cosby said and make how much and Theo said $250.00 a week. So Cosby counted out a months worth of Monopoly money making it $1000.00. Theo was thrilled and said this is cool and Cosby said no wait there are expenses living on your own...Lets see taxes from your wages say $200.00 leaves you $800.00 you see the government comes for the 'regular people' first. What about rent $400.00, then theres food and clothes thats $300.00 and Theo said nope, I can eat mostly peanut butter and wear jeans and t-shirts so only need $150.00. You'll need transportation $50.00 and Theo says, yea thats great and I still have $200.00 left, looking very smug until Cosby says, oops wait one minute, do you plan on having a girlfriend? and Theo said, I sure do! Cosby then grabbed the last of the money and said, entertainment, thats that! It was funnier when you saw it but I thought it was a fantastic way to get his point across....

[ July 11, 2005, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty,

That is sooo funny. Such a visual tool. I'll have to do that with my teen who thinks she can make a living doing newspapers. (we did it together one summer for "grocery money") I would rather die then ever throw another newspaper! LOL.

d.

Gosh, girlfriends, I succombed to the drug craze of the sixties. As you know, I was in a dysfunctional family, and used any means to escape the pain. Even with my personal experience, I have no words of wisdom regarding protecting the children of today from drugs and alcohol. To think that our young men and women are being incarcerated in their twenties! There but for the grace of God go I. What a waste of potential. Danita, what concerns me about your daughter is her lack of orientation toward the future. As you know, I did not think I had a future, therefore I did not plan. It took me 10 years to get my first college degree because I thought, "What's the use? I'm not going to be around past age 26 anyway." Even though my family situation was dysfunctional, my mother tried too hard to get me out of the house before I was ready. I wish she had kept me closer to home, closer to her heart. Danita, is your daughter interested in fashion? From what I've seen, she appears to have an individual sense of style. Love and Light, Lynn

[ July 12, 2005, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: lynn329 ]

Lynn, great point about D's daughter. Maybe she's be interested in fashion design? Let's pray that her passion will be revealed to her.

Lynn,

I'm with you on all of your points! This is why as of late now that her mind seems to be "clearer" that I can help her think beyond working at the local 7-11 (it's cool these days to NOT have a plan and a vision).

Very very good thought about fashion design school. I just had that thought the other day. Funny, huh

Another big prob. with her is her boyfriend in MD - and she wants to move out the summer of her 17th bday to be with him (next summer). (it was a miracle she didn't run away - and I got her to agree to stay that long). I've just been praying that she would have a change of heart between here and there!

Keep a praying ladies - God is on the throne, and he cares about this kid! :0)

hugs,
danita

Oh my, Danita, 17 is too soon for her to move out there with her boyfriend. Yikes, Yikes, yikes! It was cool to drift aimlessly when I was her age. You know, the mottos were "don't trust anyone over 30" and "go with the flow" and avoid establishment, and "the corporation has no conscience." I took that a little too seriously, never quite finding my fit until my forties. The problem with that is that finances suffer. I would guess that a girl who thinks a good job is at the 7-11 has low self-esteem. Hey, that is funny about fashion design. What does she say about that? LLL

We talked about it yesterday, she said "you're just trying to keep me in Colo longer".

I said, "nope - I just want to make sure you have all the tools you need to support yourself".

She's thinking.

I'm not making a big deal out of the "leaving next summer" routine - I'm trusting God.

1.5 yrs ago she was a good candidate to run away - I'm just glad to have her home and in control.

We've been through alot with this kid - there was a time she said she NEVER wanted to leave us (remember those days!).

We'll get through this and she'll end up being an amazing productive adult.

Those things you said Dots are exactly what her and her friends think. Ughhh.

Danita