chatty.. i can well remember being one of those you mention in your post (april 30/05). I had just been introduced to the world of 'pubs'as they were called here. Had just met my future in laws who i didn't realize were hard core alcohalics.

A few years later when my mother in law was 62, we got a phone call to 'come down here and do something about her'. By then she was drinking her whiskey through a bent straw, needed a walker, had trouble using a fork, wouldn't wash. My husband had to undress her and carry her to the bath tub. While bathing her, i wanted to either crack her head on the back of the tub, or hold it under the water. I hated the woman, and wasn't sorry when she died the following spring.

But a few years after her death, i gradually learned she had secrets. And my thinking towards her changed.

I learned that apart from being married to a vulgar drinker, apart from being the daughter of a woman who found fault with everything, and who 'never touch a drop of drink'.

She had had a daughter before being married.
Her two sons never knew about this half sister.

Pregnant, not married ? I knew what that made her in the eyes of the world during her young years, and ever after. Not able to reveal the secret,
not ever to speak of her little girl. Her husband later revealed to me that he had paid '100' for each of the two abortions she had after they married.

When our first daughter was born, she came staggering into the hospital with my husband and said "finally i have my little girl"

At that point i thought, no way lady, this little girl is no relation to you.

But then, later on, it made sense.
I came to believe, she began drinking to escape,
her hurt, her shame, her world. And then finally she could not escape from alcohal. And i wish i could tell her i am sorry.

I have learned in the last two years, not to be judgmental regarding alcoholics. My best friend is one and so were his father and grandfather. Alcohol is their escape, which then becomes their captor. It is a vicious cycle that is extremely hard to break. They always have a sadness, a secret, a heartache or something which drives them to drink, but if they are prone to addiction, their bodies literally crave it. Because of my friend (who is in his 3rd. rehab in 6 months, not counting a halfway house)
I pray daily for people in the bondage of substance addictions.

Norma, that is a sad story. The poor woman was heartbroken, but you didn't know that. I'm sure she has forgiven you.

My father was an alcoholic and a mean one. He didn't beat us or anything, it was all verbal. I don't remember him abusing my mother physically, but he was very cruel to her when he was drunk.

He grew up in an orphanage because his mother was too busy accumulating husbands to take care of a child. He was there from when he was 5 until he went into the Navy. Recently, my sister has been in contact with a man who was in the orphanage and knew our dad. He's been emailing pictures, his story, and telling us what he knew of our dad. Honestly, nothing he told us surprised me at all and I had already forgiven my dad because I knew there was an underlying reason for his anger.

My dad died when he was only 51 and even though his illness wasn't directly related to his alcoholism, he let it go on too long by covering his pain with booze.

I drink on occasion and I love my wine, but I am very cautious about it. I don't have that urge and I think you either have it or you don't. It is amazing that my 2 sisters, 1 brother and I are all productive members of society.

Daisygirl

It's great that you and your siblings can break that cycle. It may keep all your children from becoming drinkers.
Life can be so hard and so sad and everyone needs something to help them through. Better to have God and people help you, than a substance.

[ November 09, 2005, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: Western Bluebird ]