Ah Ha! Humlan has something to think about! No pressure, Humlan! You don't have to reveal anything! I'm just glad the thread helps you!

dancing through...

I have to reply, ChattyLady..your history moved me..and gave me alot to think about..

Humlan, I was the luckiest girl in the world to have married my highschool sweetheart who passed away within five years but not before giving me a gorgeous son.

After several years I again married a wonderful man and we were together for fourteen years, happily, before he passed, he spoiled me rotten and also gave me another handsome son...

After many, many years (15) I tried marrying again, did everything the wrong way, didn't check the fool out at all just believed whatever he told me. I wasn't myself as my sister had just died and I had been her only caregiver 24/7 for the past five years. I needed someone in my life then and he slithered right under the radar. I wasn't use to the slime of the world, I had two wonderful men before and so I was taken big time. It was my own fault. I divorced him after six years, kept waiting for things to get better, they did not. We are still friends, don't ask me why, I haven't a clue. He all but ruined my credit, my relationship with friends and my home in general. Anyway at my age I doubt theres a decent man left alive for me to be with, so I have a few dinner and show, male friends and thats it. I allow no man to get close and I mean that in every possible way. So single it will be for me! To bad too, I enjoyed being married the first two times. I am the homebody type...

I have been single for over 10 years now. Have never lived with anyone, other than my husband for a year before we were married. My husband was abusive to me and my eldest son so when I had two more children with him (give my head a shake)
I decided I'd better leave real quick before he did the same to them. They were both in diapers when I left. We are friends now, with caution on my part, I only trust so much and keep firm boundaries. He has learned a great deal but is in a live-in situation that is not great, also had another child. At least he isn't abusive with his partner or so I am told. Lots of yelling goes on with them and their kids are out of control.

I don't think I could ever live with anyone again. I like living with my two teenagers (although have a few complaints about that) but enjoy their company. I worry about when the time comes for them to leave home. Although I am very independant and lived on my own for 7 years before I got married, I don't want to be alone all the time.

I am currently dating an old flame from the past although he lives a plane ride away so we don't see each other much. I am finding that the distance is becoming a problem for me. When I need him to be around he is not, he can't really be there for me from such a distance. I really like him but will not move closer at the moment while my kids are still at home and in high school. I don't want to disrupt their lives. He has kids too and a good career so he can't really move closer to me at this point.

I just wish I could find a nice guy that lives close by, not to live with but to have a nice relationship with while we both have our own homes. I have great friends but it is so nice to have someone special in your life so I am torn.

At times I want to cut off this relationship as it is so frustrating. But then, it's nice that at least someone is there and thinking about me, and looking out for me.

I don't know that answer to the married - single question, what is better? I like a man to be around when I want him, and to be elsewhere when I don't want him around. I kind of have a cat like personality, not the best for a healthy relationship.
Kate

Anne3, did you meet these men in person or on the internet?
(the four.)
dancer

Chattylady..life has stalked you with both great joy and pain. And you dared to trust again..and got fooled big time. What gets my wheels turning is your clarity about you want and don´t want..who you are, I guess. And it´s ok with me..I can read your post and believe it. There´s nothing self-deceiving in "knowing" about yourself..that´s what comes thru to me and makes me think. And your, for me unbelievable (until now) ability to rise above and "go on" with yourself and your life. Loosing just about everything during your 3rd marriage..with your 2 wonderful marriages in your pocket (heart)..and being able to pick up, clean up, organize and see the person that is YOU..do you understand? There is no fear or regret in your post/thoughts..in YOU. You can live with yourself and like it. I probably sound like a silly teenager..but this has really got me going..burning my rubbish/garbage on the way. It just hit me that perhaps some of my "stops" are due to my religious background: first Catholic and later New Church (Swedenborg). There´s so much guilt interwoven in these religions (for me, anyway)..and I think they have formed me more than I know. When I think that I am finally "free"..something like your life comes up and hits me between the eyes..and I have to start again. This is GOOD. Thank you so much. UGH..wishywashy words. Your sons have a wonderful mother to relate to and come back to. I am guessing that they have solid relationships themselves. NO ANSWER needed on this one.

To relate to the thread we are on.. I am in a SO relationship but considering the single life again. Maybe I´m like that cat you spoke of, Chattylady..of course, I am Virgo too. And they often end up single or so they say. Hmm..my wheels are rolling...

Dang, I haven't gotten to read all of this post, but I will.

I was married in 1979 - We're coming up on our 28th year. Is that possible? Gosh, I recall Mom and Dad being married that long and they were old. HA! Now I know what my kids think.

We met through my brother. Ross was his friend, and was coming around the house for a few years before we started dating. I was just my brother's snotty nosed, little sister when they first became friends. And he was one of my brother's cool friends who had a car and drove and all the rest.

He is a couple yers older so he was in college when we began dating. He went to my high school proms, ring dance and all the other goofy high school things we did back then. What a hoot.

Mom was chaperoning a mixer at my all girl Catholic high school. My brother and Ross came to help. Yeah right! Later I found out they had snuck beer in a file cabinet in the back of the gym, upstairs where only the chaperones could go. How funny. Anyway, they ended up on the floor dancing with my friends and me. The next night my brother and I double dated. He took one of my friends and lucky me, got to go with Ross. We went to see the movie Airport. Very funny memories. Oh, and we didn't sneak beer into the movie theater.