It all comes down to we do the best that we can do. We give them life, we nurture and love them without faltering. But then the time comes when they must become adults, do the nurturing themselves and love themselves. We are always there in the background waiting to catch them when they fall, and fall most will probably do. Then its just wait!!! As I wait to see if my fallen child will come to his senses and come home to me, where all will be forgotten and forgiven...Its a waiting game Cathi.

Or as my wonderful 87 year old mother would say, "Its a crap shoot Cathi, just roll the dice of parenthood and wait to see whether its a seven or craps." My mom's a real pistol.

Cathi,
Chatty is wise in her words. I have heard that from those older than me before and applied it to my son, and it's true!
I wish you great luck.
dancer

Oh wow thanks! I know it's a waiting game and really I am handling this better now than I did when this whole situation sprang up on us.

Actually, I told my story for the benefit of answering the question of why these shooters didn't get the help they needed in order to prevent these tragedies. I wanted to illustrate the point of our bureaucracy and how no one would've done anything about this. In fact, it seems there is a popular saying now, "there's nothing we can do".

I'll give you an example here of what I am trying to say. Let's say you know someone, whether it is a relative, a co-worker or even friend. You notice they are showing signs of what those who have committed violence, whether it's a shooting at a school, workplace, mall, etc... You notice the person you know has these signs these killers were known to have before they commit these crimes. Well, you want to at least try to contact someone in authority who can do something about it. Like a therapist, only to be told, " There is nothing we can do unless something happens.” Hello, that “something happens” is usually those shootouts!

A friend of mine tried desperately to get her sister, who is a schizophrenic help. No can do. Her sister had to volunteer to get help. How do you convince a schizophrenic to check herself in, when she didn’t think she had a problem. My friend at her wits end had to bribe her into getting the help. Once she got the help and was put on proper medication, she was a totally different person.

This is the point I was trying to get across because this question was raised.

Honestly, my husband and I are coping much better and I am seeing a therapist once a week. I even found a great church with a support group for someone in my situation. Ironically, our therapist is/was Sofia's therapist for 4 years. He is trying to help as well. He has told both me and Richard to take it easy and save our energy for possibly bigger things to come.

I really didn't want to hi-jack the thread, I really wanted to give my 2 cents worth on the matter as to why these guys didn't get the help they really needed. As well as to state how much I am in agreement with the Presidential Candidates not giving this issue a second thought.

I love you all alot and Gimster, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Hypnosis was suggested for me and I have to say I didn't want it. I guess it's the paranoid part of me, I would be opening my mind up to so many suggestions. That's my take on hypnosis, not wanting to take the chance of being in the middle of work and all of a sudden I have the urge to stand on top of my desk and doing the hokey pokey. I want to point out another thing and I might as well while we are on this subject Gimster. Even though my situation has been shocking and tragic and even many times I fear for my child. At the same time, I can't think of a time when I was closer to God than I feel I am now. I can't think of another time I have learned some valuable lessons than I have in the past 7 months. I believe this should be a one step at a time process as well. Take the time and nurture each step and relish it. I promise you, it will not only be effective, but long lasting. I really will hold you in my prayers.

Dancer, I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, it must've been really rough. I agree, so much wisdom here.

Chatster, my friend, I love your mom and wow, talk about wisdom. Thanks for sharing, very handy to know this.

Your majesty, don't worry, I know you're there with me and I love you for it. Well, I'd love you anyway *wink*!

Cheers,
Cathi

I don't mean to ignore what everyone else is saying. I do want to acknowledge to Dancer that what you shared on this thread is HUGE to live through. You have a lot of perspectives. Cathi, I know what you mean that these challenges create opportunities to grow and understand, but it's hard when you are going through the challenges (for lack of a better word.)

You are not kidding Princess. It is very difficult and takes all the strength anyone can muster to keep faith and hang in there. I think of what the Bible says about putting gold through the fire. When the gold comes out of the fire, that is when it is pure. God gave us that analogy in order to let us know there is hope.

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, you have been a good enough mother. Don't doubt that for a second. What's happened to your daughter is out of your control. We can't be with them 24/7, though at times we all wish we could.

I am grateful you and hubby are getting support for this. Also cool that you are in a support group through your church community. You are doing everything you can. Please be patient. Time will tell if she comes running to you when the baby is born. Just be prepared if it does.

Also, I've seen two young gals have babies too young. In both cases, it was exactly what they needed to get themselves in shape. Granted, it wasn't easy. They did indeed take the hard route by getting pregnant out of wedlock, but we all do things differently. We don't all walk the same path. Keep the faith, and remember that your freinds are praying for you and her, and the health of hte dear sweet little one growing inside her...whom I'm sure will steal your heart away.

Yes, Cathi, as Dotsie said, it will work itself out!
I had a too young pregnancy and I made it. I did get an education, I worked it all out and made it to the otherside.

If I may say one thing, Cathi, as a woman who was there while still a girl:
Make sure your daughter gets therapy no matter what she decided about the baby! DON'T let her try to go it without it. I needed it so badly but I muscled on and went without.
I know of what I speak. I got pregnant and everyone thought I was "over." I was too young and had no direction to turn. ( It was a date rape before there were "date rape," laws.) I made it my business to get my school done and to go on to uUniversity but I needed help, oh yes, I needed the wise ones in my life to MAKE me see reason! I thank them for it now. My career has been mind boggling successful for even a woman who came from a great back ground! ANYTHING is possible and anything can happen.
dancer9