Actually at the time was in Indiana my sister could walk, the paralysis came and went. I moved into her 5 bedroom home while I was there. My m other and i litrerally gragged her to an attorney to file for divorce. As long as I was there he didn't dare say anything or do anything to her. These cowards never stand up to anyone that they aren't sure they can't beat down. It took nearly a year for the divorce, he kept stalling, probably hoping I had a life to get back to here, which was true BUT I was willing to remain there untl she was free, got what she had coming and then brought her here to Vegas for a better life. She fot the house, his brand new caddy and a very large monthly amount because of her wortk history and her iliness. He was so ticked off, I thought he would explode in court. So she was successful except for the fact she adored this a//hole, and never stopped. I still think she died partially of a broken heart besides a broken body and spirit, and finally her mind went completely. He best never see me on the street.

I only have a minute. Dancer, fly out there and get her and the kids, rent a u-haul and drive them back to AZ. I can make arrangements for them to stay at a great shelter. Just be sure she is willing to go with you before you make the effort to do this. Plus, be careful.

Dianne! You are angel sent for these children.

http://www.straphaelcrystal.org/worship/prayers/guardian_angel.jpg

I think many of us will be praying that you will be able to accomplish this mission, Dancer.

Hannelore,I shall not give up. I will see this through with her older sister involved as well. Someone needs to keep an eye out for her and her children and if I see an opening where I can get in and get to her, I will take it. Her sister has offered to let her live with her and this sister would be great as far as a caretaker as well as having a degree in early childhood.
I'm trying but I get so frustrated everytime I hear something else.
Example:
Recently, she took her mother's ashes, which she literally stole from the family home when they were there originally, and went to Hawaii to scatter them.
None of her siblings were there to scatter them with her and she called me before doing it. She said she was having second thoughts about leaving her three siblings out of it.
Her husband offered to scatter them for her there in Hawaii and for some reason, told her that if she would not scatter them then they must remain in the luggage and "he better not see them."
She returned from Hawaii, ashes in tow, and now she has them and is waiting again for her siblings to be able to join her. Her mother did not choose Hawaii to be her last resting place either!
These sorts of acts, or acting out, are really the influence of her husband trying to cut her off from her siblings and in doing that, her whole family. Her father, step father and mother have all passed. She is alone except for her siblings and myself.
It is scary, really. To speak to her in Hawaii was so traumatic for me because it was right after she found his porn and they were battling in front of the children.
She has two grown children from a first marriage as well.
Again, she is 44.
dancer, always confused on this.

Her sister and I would do that, Dianne, but she won't leave him. It's the same ol story. She makes excuses for him, fights with him about his abuses, forgives him and tells us, "I want this marriage to work."
You have been all over this sort of relationship, I know. There is no way we can force her but she gets close to divorcing him often. Many times she has said she has said she has had enough. The last time, he did threaten her with a messy divorce and a fight over her children. He would not take them but he convinced her enough for the dance to start again.
It is frustrating but I cannot leave it alone with a one year old child, and a three year old, both girls, in that home.
I am waiting for him to break the law again, which he has and for her to call. If this happens I am going to get the "real police," called there and get them involved. This would get him arrested and start the ball rolling again. As I said, child protection has intervened once but we cannot get enough evidence to satisfy them when we are out of state. We do report when we hear the abuses though.
It is hard, really hard, because her MS is flaring.
Again, she is the sole support for the family, it is her social security and disability retirement from her job which was good enough to provide a decent amount of money monthly to take care of her, and her girls.
dancer, trying

Chatty, thank you.I took the liberty of sending your last post to her sister and it was able to reach her more than anything I've seen come at her. It can't be easy for you to talk about something so painful so know you are helping another sister in your place now.

Her sister wants her to come live with her very badly. She is willing to care for her and as I said, she has a degree in early childhood so the children would be in good hands. It is a matter of her crying out for help. She has come close to divorcing this pig more than once. The last time we really thought she would but he threatened a messy divorce and I know it scared her. She came back to "I want this marriage to work." She keeps reaching out to her sister though, and sometimes through me, and she knows that sister will NOT accept her husband in her life. She knows her sister will help her in an instant if she will leave her husband. She does not love him but I know she fears him. She has some sort of hold on her that he keeps through his abuse and verbal B.S.
She is 44 now with her leg and her arm pretty much "gone,' as she says. She told me recently that she must give up driving and is coming to terms with it and also she said she knows someday she will need a wheel chair. That is the place she is at this time in her situation.
It is so hard to watch but her sister and I remain in wait. I recieved a call from her yesterday but have yet to call back. Because of your sharing I have the faith to call her back and not feel defeated already before we talk.
I can handle the call better due to you as well.
Thank you again so very much for sharing what must be painful for you. It is so much help.
dancer
I will send this along to her sister again. I hope you do not mind... It is, as I said, so much help to her.

Lola,I so agree with you, the children come first. The problem is that when her mother died suddenly, her sister left the state and she is the ONLY family member in the state of Virginia! We are all California/Arizona people. If anyone could intervene on the childrens behalf, they would have to do it long distance and we have all made reports but they have told us that our word is not sufficent enough to take action. When the family was there for her mother's memorial service, they were able to get Child Protection to visit the home and they DID give them some required therapy that lasted a short time. Now that everyone is home again, it's hard to get enough evidence to get them to take action.
On a better side, my SIL IS strong enough to watch her daughters as much as she can to keep them safe but no one can stop him if he is so inclined and we just aren't sure, we want Child Protection to go in for other abuses, yelling at the children, the danger of them being alone with my SIL in the car with her MS, the danger gets worse and worse as her MS gets worse. She forgets things and has forgotten the baby outside! She yells at them in rages, and I reported this in detail to the CPS office but "not enough!"

She has made contact again and left me a message. I will call her back and see if it is yet another problem with her husband. If it is and it is an offense I can report, I will. Also, she will call her sister if she is upset and if that is about her husband and is a offense by him, she will call the sheriff and ask them to do a "well check," on her sister.
We may have her in another one of her divorce moods now. I will let you all know what she says when I talk to her tomorrow. She almost never leaves the house now but only four months ago she was taking her children with her to meet a friend for drinks! I reported that too.
I'm trying and I thank you for trying with me. I thank you for caring.
This is my major family problem and I have been trying to do my best in it for a long time now. I became aware of it when my MIL died and that was almost to the day, two years ago.
If it were my sister I would have more power here. Her sister wants her to come live with her but she is stubborn about leaving that man! I also know she fears him. He drives around in a new truck she bought him with a gun and sometimes he takes the children with him! It's a scary thing. They live in this upper line gated community with, as I said, it's own "police force!" If they were real police, it'd be over already!
Wish me luck, round 102!
dancer

Lola, you write beautifully. Your points are well taken and I thank you for them. I also thank you for your compassion.
I am about to call my SIL.
dancer

I just spoke to my SIL. She told me that her MS is worsening so she has an MRI scheduled soon. She told me that her three year old will be going to a sort of day care/play group to give her a break. This might be the break for us too because the girl will be in the hands of others and out of the house. She said her husband is still ill and cannot work or do much at home.
I told her than her sister was willing to take her in with her children at any time and all she said was: "okay."
She told me that I should know she is stubborn and does not like to ask for help. I asked her about her marriage and she told me again that all he was is ill.
I tried to talk about her MS and the children and keep her focused and all I could get her to agree to was that she needed help with her children.
I am thinking that, again, having the children out of the home will give us all a chance to try to cause something to happen with CPS through her "play group."
dancer