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#127057 - 09/03/07 02:36 AM
Other than "do you have chidren?"....
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Member
Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
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what other opening questions can one ask when meeting someone for the first time?
I am so tired of that question over and over. Then, only to have to go thru the SAME thing...No........You're lucky...I don't think so....my kids are a pain, you can have mine....draw up the adoption papers!
The world is NOT made up of ALL mothers!!!
Sorry for the rant...but I went to a barbecue at a friends house and it's the FIRST question everyone seems to ask. I do not do that as I know how hurtful it can be.
So, what COULD be an opening question that is OK to ask? Please think about this when meeting someone new.
Here's one: So, do you have family in the area???
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#127058 - 09/03/07 03:15 AM
Re: Other than "do you have chidren?"....
[Re: Di]
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Di, I'm sorry, sometimes people can be publicly insenstive to other people's feelings, whether or not intentional. Perhaps someone could write a new book on modern manners?! Hmmm.
I must say that I often feel uncomfortable with other women b/c I don't have children in which to 'bond' a conversation with my peers. However, I do have other interests and on those occasions when asked about my 'children' I sometimes may mention our long walks and how parsnippity the girls are, then explain I have a dog and 2 cats!
I do hear (and not only about myself), "why doesn't she[have children]?" Whether or not a choice for whatever circumstances, conscience or subconscience, or medical decision, a woman is and will always be a lady, professional, giver, lover, sister, daughter, aunt, nurturer, etc., regardless of children. Childless women are not a minority, nor should they be treated like one. Unlike men, where there is an emptiness, women are much more craftier at filling that 'hole' with 'wholeness' through positive measures.
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#127059 - 09/03/07 08:32 AM
Re: Other than "do you have chidren?"....
[Re: ]
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Member
Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
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Britions open conversations with "the weather." Mountain ash
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#127061 - 09/03/07 01:45 PM
Re: Other than "do you have chidren?"....
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Member
Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
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Mustang Gal. May I graciously disagree? Childless people ARE a minority. This is why there is room to educate. Most women are mothers....statistically. Also, can you expand on your comment: Quote:
"Unlike men, where there is an emptiness, women are much more craftier at filling that 'hole' with 'wholeness' through positive measures"
I have found the opposite. Most childless (not by choice) men seem to be ok. It's the women who have had difficulty with this. On our website, we have more women than men who have become members.
A good one, Dotsie. I'll need to use that one as a ice breaker next time I'm in a new crowd of folks.
However, I must pay a compliment to the couple/family I sat with. They WERE able to continue a conversation about other subjects NOT including their kids. We spoke about growing up, our siblings, music, the town in which we live. So, thankfully, they DO have a life outside. Plus, they were probably glad to NOT talk "kid talk".
Sadly, the culture in which we live in the most Southwest part of this country, families w/children are rampant. Many, many are unmarried. I think I have become desensitized. Back east, where I am from, this "way of life" is not so prevalent. I sure miss the east coast!
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#127062 - 09/04/07 07:47 PM
Re: Other than "do you have chidren?"....
[Re: Di]
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Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
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It's unfortunate that people don't think before asking about kids. Sometimes we get caught up in the family thing and make foolish assumptions. I had secondary infertility. Though I had one child, I was always asked "do you really WANT an only child?" "Why just one?" "Time to have another, you know" and on and on. People were so insensitive and I didn't feel like going into my fertility problems and treatments with just anyone. Why can't someone meet you nicely with "Tell me about your family." Even if that's not ideal it can let you expand on other family members. Or as Dotsie says, "How do you know the host/ess?" People shouldn't assume so much. It's hurtful.
_________________________
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett
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#127063 - 09/04/07 08:30 PM
Re: Other than "do you have chidren?"....
[Re: ladyjane]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I've learned from Di to not ask the children question. Now, I ask how long they have lived in the area and if they have children, they will come up in the conversation. Otherwise, I no longer ask.
What's with people caring whether a woman has children or not? That's just rude!
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#127065 - 09/06/07 04:44 AM
Re: Other than "do you have children?"....
[Re: Di]
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Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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I must live on a different planet. I am not the only woman that wouldn't think automatically of asking a woman they met briefly, if they had children. Alot of my close friends just aren't into thinking that way...at all. Yes, some are childless.
I tend to ask that question only if the conversation leads one there, after knowing a woman for a few weeks or months.
Of course, some men ask me if I have any children (my response is no, but my partner has 2 grown children.)...and these tend to be guys who are fathers themselves.
I find that the answer I give above, to any man or woman who inquires about children, tends to naturally end the conversation about children. No big deal to me.
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#127066 - 09/06/07 01:10 PM
Re: Other than "do you have children?"....
[Re: orchid]
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Member
Registered: 06/02/06
Posts: 753
Loc: USA
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I agree with you Orchid, I am the same way. Sometimes I ask, and sometimes I get asked. And....like you said, when you say you (or the other) don't have children, the conversation generally moves to another direction and that is the end of the topic.
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