For those of you who don't know my situation, I'm single with a three bedroom two bath house which was intended to house myself, my daughter and her two children. The daughter opted not to live with me and the two children are there less and less as they move toward their parents being responsible for them..

In order to make ends meet I advertised for a housemate. Tuesday a 44 yr. old, 6'2" Nigerian man who is a foreign trader is moving into the other half of my house and paying monthly rent.

I have mixed emotions about this because, typically I get along much better with men so that's ok, but, I'm losing a certain amount of freedom also.

How would you feel about having a male housemate??

A Nigerian *foreign trader*?

These people have sketchy reputations....

For this particular person I wouldn't let him throught the front door without a backround check. No way.

So far as a more general male/female question--when younger I had bothe male and femal roommates. I tended to get along better with the men. They were just more relaxed. The women tended to get wound up about little things and they brought weird boyfriends into the house.

But surely you are aware how risky it is to bring a total stranger into a property where you are the sole legally responsible owner?

Can you make the payments by yourself? It may save you money and headaches in the long run.

I believe set bounderies for both you and your housemate are essential.e.g. Noise and house rules .
Then you will maintain as much freedom as you have negotiated at the outset.
Mountain ash

Will you be sharing the same bathroom?

I would definitely do a background check on anyone I let move in with me.

I know kids find roomies on craigslist.com all the time, but I'm still a little afraid of that.

I know a young lady who moved to NY, NY and needed a roomie. She found her on craigslist and they are the absolute best of friends. They did no background checks and all is well.

I have had both male and female. The female was as sweet as she could be but I hated sharing the kitchen. The male was better as he just came and left, basically stayed out of my way. The female wanted to be part of the family. Both were short term.
If I had my choice it would be male but I can tell you I was constantly worried about the male housemate. I knew someone that knew him a little but I was never comfortable as a single women with kids to have him in the house.
You just never know.
I wouldn't do it again.
Kate

Good luck. You claimed you went to church...did you ever consider advertising via your church?

Having separate entrances is best arrangement. But it doesn't sound like it if you are concerned about loss of your privacy.

I would be tend be happiest to live in a shack NEAR people instead of share with a stranger -female or male. It's just me... I trust only friends I know in advance to share living accommodation.

Hmmmm...well tell us the stories later on...

Hi Kate, this is important, what you said about constantly being worried about the male housemate. How long did he live with you? How old were your children? You can answer via private message if you want.

He only stayed with us for a month. He was over here looking for a job with plans to come back just as my Dad had done many years before. He was from Denmark, my father's homeland. A friend of a friends family. I would say he was in his late 20's. He never bothered us and I slept upstairs with my kids. He had a room off the kitchen downstairs on the main floor. It had it's own entrance and bathroom but he did use the kitchen although rarely.

I only worried because I am a worrier at the best of times.
He did not give me any cause for worry. But because he was a stanger to us I kept me attenna up. My main concern was my children as I don't trust anyone around them. They were never home alone with him. They went to after school care and I picked them up on the way home from work. At the time they were 12 and 13.

I also had an 18 year old Japanese student for a month. He was more of a challenge as I had to provide meals for him, take him on outings, make him feel like part of the family.
We really enjoyed him and he interacted well with my kids even though he could not speak English.

I was trying to make a little extra money as my rent was/is very high so I thought I'd try a few short term situations to see if this would work for me. It didn't. Both the guy from Denmark and the woman who also stayed for a month were ok, I just decided it was not worth it to have help with the rent. I prefer my own space and found it a bit of a hassle.

I would do the student exchange student thing again as my kids really enjoyed having a teenager around from another country. They also enjoyed all the outings with the other students, we went out quite a bit as a group. The exchange student program paid but not enough to cover my costs. I just felt it was a great experience for my kids. It was really tiring for me.
Kate

I have a new housemate. Got rid of the first one who turned out to be a perv. He wouldn't leave me alone and even said he thought I came with the rental....yeah, right..!

My new housemate practically cried with happiness at getting to rent from me. He is a scientist,chemist and has been living alone for several months. He loves his room, paid a month and half in advance, and just seems to be elated at the prospect of having a "family".

I don't trust anyone though at all until I know without a doubt they can be trusted, especially with the kids.

With him there my financial situation is looking better.

I need information however, do any of you know if I can get alimony? My ex who is the world's biggest skin flint, gets retirement from the post office and disability from the va. He is like 65% disabled, and is trying to get upgraded to 75% or more. He is hoping for a huge lump sum of money which he will promptly spend at the bar.

Do you think I am entitled to any of his retirement or va benefits?

NewLeaf,
Maybe, I talked with hubby who works for the SSA . You need to contact the www.ssa.gov . You can get some of his retirement and VA , if have anymore trouble please PM me and I will help you with this . I you can't get though let me know .

Renee

Renee, thank you so much for the information. I read the information on website and it seems you have to be married to the person at least 10 yrs. to qualify for benefits. We have only been married for 3+ years almost 4.

I bought my house while we were still married, but I bought it on my own. His name isn't on it anywhere and I bought it with my deceased husband's money. Florida is a community property state so I'm worried he may get half my house after he kicked me and my grandaughter out of his house, sold it and kept the profit for himself.

NewLeaf ,
You need then to contact a lawyer in your state of Fla,about the house . You can make a call to SSA and ask them for sure , won't hurt and let me if help you more . I have alink to the state of Fla somewhere I can help you with that also . I will check and PM you for that one.

Renee

Newleaf.
Okay here I go again, when did you acquire this home??? Last time, not long ago, you were fixing up your mobile home/trailer and making it comfortable for you and your two grandchildren; as your daughter wanted no part of it. I remember everythig I read and thats why I'm asking about this house that has suddenly appeared. Especially when you also said you could barely buy food to put on the table. I hope all has changed for the better for you but was just wondering when, and how this all happened???

As far as the male roommate is concerned there are many things to consider, first, who is he, did you check him out and how? Did he pay a good security deposit? Will he be hanging around you and your grandkids, like with full access to the home? In todays world this can be a slippery slope and needs to be considered thouroughly. Be safe and keep those children safe...Predators don't wear signs.

I remember all of this going on. I recall the scare of newleaf thinking her husband was going to get the money from the old marriage, then her buying the home on her own.

Having boarders in the same home is a little scary when it's just you, but I would be especially careful if the kids are there. I would never leave him alone with the kids. NEVER!

I certainly won't ever leave them alone with him. I have a new housemate already. This one is a scientist and a very nice man. He pays his rent faithfully, helps with a few chores and carries out the trash.

The kids seem to like him but we keep our distance. He seems to like it that way. He keeps his room very neat and clean and my instincts aren't alarmed by him in any way. Still, I'm very cautious.

Hello, never answered my questions Newleaf, which makes me wonder even more...And already another new housemate?
H
u
m
m!!!

Chatty, just using my boomer woman creativity. The house I'm referring to IS my modular home. My daughter did turn her nose up at it. I'm trying my best to stay off welfare and make it on my own using my creativity.

My housemate and I get along wonderfully and he pays ontime. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm working three jobs AND have a housemate. My first housemate was a pervert and wouldn't leave me alone! This one is a "real" housemate and I'm very happy with him.

There you go Newleaf. I don't mean to badger you but your last few statements didn't ring true and I would hate to think you were not being honest with the gals here who have shown that they care, and really feel bad when one of us in in peril. I for one take these posts seriously and don't like being made a fool of.
Your new housemate sounds like a perfect match, he's apparently intelligent, and knows his place in your home. The need for extra money is something we all face and we do what we have to do to find it. And yes a mobile home is a home too, a structure is what you make it. I've have a double-wide now since 1990, its big, bright and my HOME...anyone is welcome here! Thanks for answering my nosey questions but I think its important we are honest with one another...

Newleaf, I hope this works out for you. As Chatty said, we ALL need extra help now and then.

As far as him paying his rent on time, he's been there a month, right? And made ONE payment? But he DID make a month and a half, so that's encouraging, don't you think?

You had the other guy there at the end of July, first of August, so I'm assuming this one hasn't been there but a month, or less.

So...let's all cross our fingers that the payments continue on time! It sounds like this one might be better than the first one. Time will tell, won't it? I mean the first one seemed okay until he showed his "prev" side, as you put it. You might want to consider getting a background check, just to be on the safe side.

My new housemate paid his rent and a half and then offered to pay the extra that his high speed internet would cost. Just yesterday he volunteered to pay $100 more than I had originally asked. He's been studying online about Guenia pigs and how to care for them and is cooking dinner for me tonight. He probably weighs 130 lbs soaking wet. I could take him for sure if he tried anything.

It seems that in another life...he was quite well off then lost his job due to downsizing. Then he used up his 401K and his savings. This new job is a very good one and he seems happy just to be there in our household.

Maybe we can sort of help each other out. Meantime, the divorce is proceeding and I'm still seeing the 31 yr. old who is just as sweet and interesing as anyone could be.

The kids seem very happy thus, so am I. We have a routine and they have friends. I'm gradually fixing up the house mostly with sweat equity.

I'm proud of myself for coming up with the wherewithall to climb out of the dark pit I was in.

Good for you Newleaf. You're a survivor. Your comment about the kids being happy, thus you being happy is a good one. Life is grand when our loved ones are happy too.

NL,
I can't help but add this. You say your divorce is still pending yet you are seeing the 31-year old. Aren't you afraid that your husband will use that info against you in divorce court?

LOL...JawJaw. I just reread the Guenia pig comment. About the 31 yr. old...basically he broke my heart and I asked for it bigtime. Seems we aren't compatible because (1) he just wanted a booty call when he felt like it (2) he didn't care to hear anything about me or my life (3) thought I was too demanding because I expected a reply from my emails and text messages (4) started to "feel" and he said he didn't even miss his dead twin brother...
Well, I'm a feeler and need a h#$$ of a lot more than that!! So I told him he was right about the incompatibility thing and erased his phone number from my phone, his email address from my PC, showered real good, and returned his gifts and told him he was dead to me.
Not at all worried about the loser ex...he is seeing one of his old smoking/drinking buddies and we don't even talk much. I'm getting nothing from him anyway at all, but bad memories.
Now its all about ME. I'm working out, trying to eat right and joining an adventures and outings club for socialization.

So much for the younger guy. Onward.

Tell us about the adventures and outing club. Sounds like soemthing I'd be interested in.

Events and Adventureshttp://lotsofevents4.rtrk.com/coupon/?scid=364927&cid=105653&tc=07100511181885256&kw=1243679&dynamic_proxy=1&primary_serv=lotsofevents6-px.rtrk.com&se_refer=http%253A%252F%252Fsearch.live.com%252Fresults.aspx%253Fsrch%253D105%2526FORM%253DAS5%2526q%253DEvents%252Band%252BAdventures%252BOrlando%25252c%252BFL

whoa!! that's quite an address...anyway, if anyone wants to see what it is, basically its a month of a variety of "events and adventures" for singles in the area.

It appears to be a fun, non stressful, safe club to join for a social life outside the club scene. I'm gonna do it...lol