If this will make you feel any better, I'll share a story about my ex MIL. I asked her if I could hide my kid's Christmas presents at her house so they wouldn't find them. We had dinner at her house on Christmas Eve and when she gave my children her presents...yep, she gave them the presents I had asked her to hide for me! That left me in the position of having nothing to give them from Santa. Today, I can laugh about it but it sure wasn't funny then.

Diana,

Wow! That makes my m-i-l sound like Mother Teresa in comparison! And yes, it did make me feel better.

Anything to help. She was something else!

Eeek!

Just when I'd given up on my m-i-l, she calls me yesterday and keeps telling me how much she loves me. Then we get a card in the mail thanking us for all the wonderful things we always do to make her smile.

And people wonder why I'm crazy!!!!!

Guess all the prayers we sent up are working...imagine that!

Jackie, maybe her eyes have been opened to the wonderful family she has. Sometimes people do change and grow - I truly hope that's the case!

Daisygirl

I can identify with the in-law troubles posted here. Mine nearly destroyed our marriage. It took about 10 years for hubby to wake up and see what they were doing to us.

He worked with them so they used that time to criticize me behind my back. He would come home mad at me and I wouldn't know why. They also used their catholic religion (i'm protestant) to drive a wedge between us. Unfortunately, hubby was pretty blind to it all for a long time. It has taken many years and tears to smooth over the feelings of resentment that built up between us.

And now guess who ends up taking care of them? Yup, me! Sister in law is so busy with her drunk live-in and other things in her self-screwed up life that she just can't find the time to participate in their care. She just gets mom to fell sorry for her while I do all the work like dr. appointments and other health care and home issues. Hubby is very supportive and helps, too, but it still usually falls to me to see that everything is taken care of.

The real irony is that when push comes to shove, I still end up the big bad bitch while MIL and her daughter have their little pity parties. SIL will walk off with the family jewels but I will at least have the peace of mind knowing I've done what is important and retain the respect of my husband.

I learned long ago that life isn't fair and we get what we give. I just need to remind myself of that once in a while when the going gets rough!

Sometimes you just need to jump in and do what needs to be done. I have no problem with doing anything I can to help my m-i-l. There isn't a think in her house that either my husband or I want or need.

Right now, I'm just trying to relax and take things as they come. Hubby is getting very sensitive about my feelings toward his mother right now, so I'm trying to watch what I say. But it won't stop me from saying how I feel.

I think it's a matter of acceptance, Dotsie. I know and accept the fact that SIL will never be much help so I quit expecting it from her. It is very frustrating but knowing that hubby appreciates what I do means everything to me. SIL has continuosly made bad choices for her own life and gets her mom to feel sorry for her. I find that more frustrating than anything.

MIL is a very manipulative person and FIL is a negative know-it-all, both of them control freaks. They don't get along with each other and have become very anti-social as they age. It is work just to spend 10 minutes with them because they continuously argue with each other and criticize everyone else. When I'm helping her, MIL acts very appreciative but will turn right around and defend SIL if I voice an opinion about SIL so I just keep my mouth shut while I'm with her and unload on hubby when we're alone. I am so thankful that in all of the important ways he is NOT like his parents.

I came from another state (actually felt like another planet) when we were married 28 years ago. We live on the family farm. SIL still treats me like an outsider even though I have lived on this farm longer than she ever did and raised my children and buried one here. She is one of those people who walks around with a chip on her shoulder the size of a log.

I grew up with parents who were simply the best and have 4 siblings. We all do whatever we can for Mom, and Dad when he was here. My dad was very ill several times for a couple of years before he died last year. Their pastor said he'd never seen a family like ours because of the way we all showed up almost instantly when Dad got sick. He said we must have been hiding under the bed when Dad was hospitalized because whenever there was a crisis we all showed up so quickly.

I don't know any other way to be so guess I will just keep doing what I do because it is the right thing to do. So, Dotsie,thanks for the positive reinforcement-it means a lot to me and helps me to keep doing what I do.