Gosh Dutchy

That is so sad. I feel so badly for both you and your in-laws. This dementia thing is such a problem. I haven't done the research, but was this so prevalent in say, the early 1900's? Is this a problem of population increases or an increase in the disease itself?

I recall in one of my classes that the professor was talking about mutations - in the brain and in the gestation process being caused by nothing other than radiation - just from various radioactive exposure in the world we inhabit today. It makes me wonder whether alzheimers is a manifestation of that? Probably any number of factors, but still....It just appears to me that it's on the increase for whatever reason - and then to be SO devastating!! To so many!

Searcher

The average life span has increased also. I think the fact that people live well into their 80's and 90's and some to 100 play a part in it. People used to die before they got that advanced.
Louisa

I am a nurse, and have some extra training in senior care, and was planning to start a business in it, but that is another story....

It is soooo different having the training and helping others with the issues, than dealing with it on a personal level.

To me, it is how things are taken away, in little increments. Could be the ability to read, or eat without spilling on oneself. Dressing, even forgetting to put ones clothes on!!! Driving, not able to figure out how to use the phone, or pay their bills. The list goes on.

We took my father-in-law out and after the meal, he asked for coffee, the man never, ever drank coffee. So change can be slight.

Anyway, back to what I really wanted to say is that what I have learned is that because we are living longer with the great heart meds, and surgery and cancer care, etc. Everyone has some degenerative brain changes as we age, and the dementia occurs more frequently than we know.

Ask around to your friends, it is possible that 50% are dealing with some sort of dementia type of problem with their parents.

It is so frightening to me!

In the early 1900's Dementa was hardly heard of but that was before big business began poisoning the food, the air and the water with chemicals and depleting the soil with overgrowth of crops for larger profits. Dementa is a man caused illiness along with Alzeheimers and Cancer and so on and so on...Get the point?

Chatty ,
Remeber when they sprayed the crops with DDT . That horrible chemical.

are we blaming the farmers for our ills?

there was plenty of dementia in the past, they just had other names for it and put the people away or kept them closetted in their homes. there was such a stigma attached to any mental illness that it was often hidden.

Nope but I am blaming big business and profit mongers. God bless the farmers, what would we do without their hard work? The farmers aren't the ones getting rich, they barely make it most years. I admire the farmers, what the heck would we do without them...Big business is raping the farmers too along with the rest of us.

[ October 25, 2005, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I went through this nearly 2 years ago. I pleaded with my Dad's doctor to help me (at the time I was living 600 miles away.) Of course, he was non-committal and I admit that it was not his decision to. Anyway, after Dad suffered a heart attack, I again pleaded with the doctor to at least 'order' him to stop driving for 6 weeks. It was then that we found out that he did not have a valid license. He'd been called in for testing (at the onset of his 88th birthday.) He failed the test - but was issued an ID card (which looks like a license - but plainly states that it is an ID card.) He had been driving for nearly 2 years without a valid lisence. To this day, I don't know whether he knew it or not, I have a hunch that he did. Since he was a Chrysler retiree and was still on the leasing program - we arranged to turn the car in early and that was that. We had to arrange for some supplemental help to run errands, etc. But, he never got over it. He would complain about that "empty garage" every time I would see him. Talk about a guilt trip.....

Today, as I was leafing through the Oct. issue of BHG there is an article "Taking the Car Keys" I will breifly list them here:

Suggest they give the car to a grandchild. They can tell their friends that their granddaughter needed the car.

Talk to your parent from direct experience. Don't take your teenagers word that,"Grandma nearly got us killed today." Ride with your parent yourself.

Have the conversation somewhere other than in the car. Bring up the supbject later. Never crack a joke about their driving. Ask about friends who drive but who shouldn't be on the road. They'll often make the connection between these folks and themselves.

If your parent becomes defensive and agitiated, drop the conversation and bring it up again a day or two later, after they've had a chance to cool off, or perhaps reconsider.

Present alternatives to driving. Do your homework on volunteer drivers, van services, senior shuttles, taxis and buses. Even in rural areas, there are always altenatives. But be prepared to take up some of the slack yourself and drive your parent.

Make sure you are addressing the right parent. Sometimes the non-driving parent -- often the wife-- covers up for the spouse's deficits, or belives he is safe as long as she rides along. She may have a lot invested in his driving. She may be the one you have to convince.

Enroll your parent in a driving course and agree to abide by the decision of the driving instructor.

If none of this works, for safety's sake, you should refuse to let your children ride with them.

Not good enough people this is a time when tough love is the answer. Not letting your child ride with them is fine but what about other peoples children on the road or walking when the elder impared driver is out and about. There comes a time sadly when intelligence must outweigh sentiment. As hard as it is to take away those keys, it would be much harder if they had an accident and killed someone or were killed. I for one could never forgive myself if I could have and should have done sometnhing and didn't.

Oh, I feel for you on this one. It took me two years to get up the nerve to take away my mom's car keys. She didn't thank me, that's for sure, but after she ran into the side of the grocery store (they thought it was an earthquake),I finally got out of denial. For the sake of others, I literally took away her car keys. She used to go out and sit in her car in the garage. She said she was visiting it. *sigh* But later, after she had worked through her own feelings about it, she gave her car to a needy family.