She told me this happened after they came back to her home after leaving the club. I think she was terrified and shocked. She also has a son who wasn't home at the time, but she was afraid to call the police for fear DCF would step in as they always do....
We've talked a lot about issues surrounding single parents and the answers sometimes seem so simple, "Just call the police." "Just get a restraining order" "Just go get help" "Just don't date people like that" but as we all know, life isn't that simple. She smokes pot recreationally and she was afraid the police would find out and the guy stopped his behaviour and ate and then was tired and "sweet". Whatever...
I just want to know WHY would someone be that way? I've posed that question to some of my younger hip friends who are street smart and they said "sex is violence" according to Freud. That sex and violence have the same intensity of feeling and sometimes people get the two things mixed up or are turned on by the rush of violence...I don't know but its too weird for me.
She's a nice person and my closest friend. I hate to see anyone hurt her. She doesn't deserve that.

What I think is really weird is that your friend brought this sicko home with her AFTER he said he wants to strangle her. No normal guy would ever say something like that. For heaven's sakes....he warned her!

Egads...reading this perverse junk makes me value my hubby more. Too many perverts are running loose out there...yuck. And I for one think it is bad taste that you even posted this in all details.

Really, Anne, I didn't know that about Freud? Hannelore, I'm sorry if I offended you, but you know, that's reality. There are sicko's out there who think they are perfectly normal. Golden showers have been practiced by the homosexual community for decades.
You know there is a perverse side of life. Its sad, but true. Can't stick your head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist because it does. Forewarned is forearmed.

Slapping, spanking, flogging, "golden showers," and the like are all forms of sadism. It's estimated that about 10% of the population has some sadistic/masochistic tendencies -- both homosexual and heterosexual. The S/M community, however, has some definite rules, the primary ones being safe, sane and consensual. What this man exhibited was none of those.

There are "wannabe" sadists, or dominants as they can be called, who have no idea what they are doing. They are dangerous because they can cause severe emotional and physical harm.

This woman should walk in the other direction. Quickly. Reporting him to the police would also be a consideration, particularly if he persists.

I forget who said it, but I don't get either that she invited him back!

Thank you, Casey, for the information. I've continued to research this kind of behaviour and it does seem to be beyond the consensual bondage or S/M community.
My husband who passed away was into bondage. That was one thing he didn't tell me before we were married. I never understood why a man who was held in such high regard in the community, who was a gentle, giant of a man with almost feminine sweetness and kindness could want to be tied up, gagged and other such things...He claimed it was because he lost his father when he was only 10 and had to take on the responsibility of the rest of the family, was ultra responsible and bondage took him out of the role of being in charge.
But, still, my question to anyone who knows is "What would make a person be into or have an interest in sadism? I still don't understand. My friend is trying to stay away from him, but she still cares for him..Casey, I'll tell her what you said about the amateurs.

Newleaf, ever heard the old saying:

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT???

The guys a creep, who cares why! She needs to lose him and fast.

People interested in S/M just are. It's part of what makes them tick. It's a continuum. Just like there are more people interested in sex than others, or sex with lots of people or whatever. And there are people who have no interest whatsoever in having any type of sexual relationship. It's not bad (as long as it's safe, sane and consensual) or good. It just is.

I suspect that unless you have sadistic or masochistic tendencies, it would be very difficult to try to wrap your head around any way that it would make sense to you.

What I would like to know is if this man told her I WANT TO CHOKE YOU, why did she invite him back to her house? You say she's "trying" to stay away from him? TRYING? This man abused her and she's trying?

NL, are you writing a book? Doing a thesis study? You ask why someone would do this, yet you say Golden showers have been practiced by the homosexual community for decades.. Sounds like you've already done your research, but you need more input for whatever you're writing.

Either that, or if this "friend" is real, she needs professional help. Maybe you can help her obtain this?

If someone HITS you, you don't "try" to stop seeing them. This tells me she has no regard for herself or her child

...otherwise, this pervert would not be in her life. If she allows it to continue, who's next? Her child?

I'm curious though. All of your conversations here revolve around sex or men. I'm not saying this is good or bad, its just an observation from reading back over all of your old post.

NL, why are you even posting a question like this here in a Boomer forum? Maybe you should search sadistic and masochistic forums to find your answer.

As for sticking my head in sand,…I rather do that then sticking it in smut.

I agree with JJ. You seem to be fixated on sex and write as if you were the only one who really enjoys it; categorizing others as lazy chocolate eaters who watch TV every night.

I’ve learned that those that toot their own horns constantly are the ones trying to fill a gap.

Whatever, Hannelore. I'm bored with many things and I have an insatiable curiosity for life. Thank you, Casey. You answered my question and now I feel satisfied that at least there is no way to actually rationalize or understand.
You know, ladies, everyone's life isn't all peaches and cream. There are some people who are no worse than you, just normal, everyday people who work, enjoy their families, play with their dog or cat and fish, hunt and play golf who are dealing with bizarre situations whether they wandered into them themselves or the situation was dropped in their lap.
If you don't like it when questions are asked and answers are needed then maybe you should go join a website like Daisy picking or Martha Stewart.....(opps, I forgot, Martha just got out of prison....)
Well, anyway, in my opinion, its not up to you to judge my interests or lack of, or my judgement. This is a FORUM for people who have questions and opinions. If someone has an interest or opinion other than the one you have and you want them to take it elsewhere, it is no longer a FORUM but is a CLUB for people of like mind.