I posted my response much earlier. As I said my situation is completely the opposite, since he is 16 yrs. older.

Well, let's just think hard for once...if you had a SON who fell for a much older woman.

I know of 2 close friends who each married a guy who was at least 7 yrs. younger than each of them. wasn't as significant, but enough that the mother of the son was extra ....vigilant (but friendly) in her relationship with the bride/wife.

Both guys had excellent relationships with their respective mothers....so they weren't looking for a mother figure in their lives. Yes, they both share childcare, housedhold stuff, etc.

The 3rd sitaution I am aware of, the guy is in late 20's, she is in her mid-40's with 3 children. I know the father of the son. He is abit resigned about his son and feels his son is looking for mother figure in life. Parents had divorced over 20 yrs. ago.

The late 20's guy has had some problems with drugs, finding steady employment, etc.

Ok, the father is in his early 50's who wants his son to make proper sense of his life. No, he doesn't approve totally of what is going on. But his son is an adult.

I guess, my point is....is just know the guy for a long time before settling down. He WILL change...I mean get real..we didn't know ourselves in our late 20's, early -30's did we?

JawJaw, I know what you say, you say with love. So blast away. That's why I posted this.

Funny thing is, I haven't thought of "using him" until something better comes along. I am not like that.

Truthfully I have "found" what I thought I was looking for several times, but the older men are always such asses when it comes to sex that it's a total turnoff.

I'm not leading him on. After our last conversation several days ago, in his mind, it's over. He wasn't happy about it, but I was the "mature strong one." His last comment was "I'm really sad this won't work out, but I'm glad we've preserved the friendship."

I just can't help wondering if we both went into it with open minds if it might work. Of all the men I know/have run across over the past years, he is the most gentlemanly of them all, and seems much older when looked at in that way.

Why is this stuff so damn hard sometimes? If I was younger, or he was older, it wouldn't make a bit of difference. Should it just because of a number? That is the real question.

Thanks for the input girlfriend!

Whirlwind

Gottcha....and I commend you for following your instincts/heart. I didn't realize it was over. Not that it should be...I wasn't saying that. I was only looking at the fact that I felt you really weren't interested in HIM but the things that he represented in your mind (i.e., the gentleman ways, his politeness, etc) and that these were things you were really looking for, things that pleased you in a man, but you really weren't interested in HIM. So forgive me for not making myself clear on that.

I will add that if my 24-year old son was interested in a 48 year old woman, I would be devastated. Not because she couldn't be the most fabulous woman alive, but because I would want him to have a partner that could share things on his same level of maturity, see things through a 24 year olds eyes and heart, and grow in those experiences with him, NOT speed them up for him. Does that make sense?

You are way ahead of a lot of single women in that you know what you want AND in some respects, what you don't want. Age is like everything else, it does have some boundaries obviously; otherwise we would all be deliquents. However, it shouldn't be about age, but about the people involved.

Do you think perhaps the age thing bothers YOU inside more than him? If so, why do you think it does? Oh and bravo for keeping the friendship intact! Wuhoo!

Just go ahead and shoot me, but I want to add one more tidbit. In my dating years, I found that once you shared that kiss, you could never go back to "just friends." I hope this isn't your experience as well because it sounds like a very good friendship!

Orchid, good comments. If I had a son doing this, I'd be mortified.

And I know we all change. I'm not the same person now that I was at 20, 30, and beyond. And I'll be different at 50 and 55, and 60 than I am now.... We all change throughout life.

I guess what finally got to me was his last comment. He said something to the effect of, "everybody is always looking for happiness but we all have so many rules that sometimes we won't let it happen. Why can't we just be happy for today, since we might not have tomorrow anyway." And I can't get that out of my mind.

Thanks again gals.

Whirlwind

JawJaw, the trouble is, I "was" interested in him (not in using him, he's really a "good guy.")

The age thing did bother me initially, but then it disappeared. And I didn't look at him as being younger than me, I looked at him as somebody who understood me. And I felt like I understood him too. This makes no sense at all. We could have conversations that would last for hours, about everything under the sun, about thoughtful subjects. Never mind that he didn't know who Kool and the Gang are. ROFL.

Crap. I should have become a nun long ago. Black IS my best color....

Whirlwind

Have you actually brought up the big WHAT IF? to him? Y'know, WHAT IF you two got together, and has he thought about the ramifications in the age difference? Is he just agreeing with you to be agreeable in a situation where he feels you have the upper hand, or does he have a lot unsaid?

IF he doesn't have a bunch of wild oats to sow and IF he would be happy without babies... I'm just thinking out loud here & don't have any major opinions...

Stranger things have worked out. And simpler things haven't. Food for thought.

Whirlwind, this is so typical of me, but all I can think is...what would his mother say? Can you picture that? Does it bother you?

I threw out every negative "what if" I could think of. And I'm still running them through my head, just to keep myself convinced that I'm right.

There's not much "unsaid" on his part (he has no problem communicating and has brought up much food for thought), and I don't feel that I have/had the "upper hand" (only in that when I said no to continuing it there was no more discussion).

I did read an article recently that made me laugh. It was about younger men with older women. They enjoy the relationship until the older woman is gone, then they go out and find a younger woman to have a family with. That "is" the more traditional "older/younger" relationship. LOL.

And Dotsie, of course I've never met his mother. But I think she's an avid member of the "man of the month club" and is not very discriminating herself. So I doubt it would be an issue.

It's still fun to think about, even if it can't be.

Sigh...

Whirlwind

If she's a member of the "man of the month club" then she may not have a problem with it.

How about your family? Would you feel cool with introducing him to them?

Just food for thought.

I can't help but think that if she is a member of the "man of the month" club, then there's the possibility that she couldn't have been a very nuturing Mom in the first place; thus.....he could be looking for that Mom replacement. Just another thought...more food.