While I don't have an answer to this question, it may depend on who you are dealing with.

One thing I've learned: Value and respect yourself. It's the best tool yet. Valueing and respecting yourself usually generates respect.

There's a few instances I remember when a certain person has attempted to put me down and I've stopped this person. Of course, they don't expect it. But it has stopped the mean or derogatory comment right away. With a simple: "You have no right to disrespect me or put me down" or a "Watch how you refer to me, please".

I wish you success in your quest for self esteem.

I honestly believe that people who put other people down and critize them...actually have very low self-esteem...and they are also covering it up...I'll jab them before they can jab me...

In order to do zingers...first I think you have to have that type of personality...and be playful about it...my sister used to have a saying...'don't get in a puking match with a buzard'...I never knew quite where it came from but...sometimes...when you zing...they zag...in a big way...you may not be prepared to handle that zag...so be careful...I think you have to pick your sparring partners...

I agree that we all have self-esteem issues...in at least one area of our lives...it's interesting that we almost automatically assume that other people have it 'all together' when they are just like us...

I can't remember where I heard this, and I may not translate it correctly either, but I really liked it when I heard it - maybe someone else knows the actual quote and can say it better, but this is what I remember:

"There is never any justification for extinguishing someone else's candle in order to make yours shine brighter."

I know that for so much of my life I had such a difficult time, first, believing that I had a light worth shining, and second, actually daring to shine it out there. It's only because others encouraged me to shine, allowed my light to continue to shine and helped me to keep it shining bright that I was able to finally believe in myself and in the worthwhileness of each person's light, no matter how feeble it might seem.

So I cannot fathom going around extinguishing other people's lights in order to make myself feel better. Instead of preparing zingers (which my oatmeal-mush brain can't remember anyway, LOL) I try to remember to find ways to turn the situation around and draw out any flicker of light from the person, even if that sometimes means allowing it to overshadow mine. I can't always do it, sometimes I'm just too weary and hurt, but I figure there's enough darkness in the world today, we need to enkindle all and any flicker of light we can possibly muster...and then when we turn the zinger into positive energy, we're rippling more light instead of yet more darkness.

Not that I can do it yet...I'm more likely to just crawl home sobbing all the way...still, it's one way I try to counter my own self-esteem issues - by building up others instead of tearing them down.

wow eagle nice stratigie or intension even if its as you say some days just too tired or soar to do it..whish i could do it

I try to rember "other people often see the world as they are not as you are" or "thats a matter of your perception and your welcome to it"

if i think/know its just nonsences or an attack then i laugh and tell them "i wholehartidlie agree with you your absolutlie right" why dose it work, as deflection lol somepeople are backfooted becouse they expect a fight or for you to disagree with them lol...which i not gonna do with someone thats onlie looking to attacke thefore pull me down, via my personalitie!!...


if its someone i know and trust to have my best intrests at hart and are trying to tell me something tough then thats diffrent (even if my esteem dose suffer or ego more to the point) that "i say i will consider their point and they may be right" if they'r right after all then fair and good i may do something about it, if not i wont change anything over and above reviewing the situasion.

well the doc floored me and i was soar and it wassss allll to harddd lol..but lo and behold next morning i had generated enough whatever to see things in a diffrent light, to get my shoulder behind it as to say, so i made my planes that take me in the goal or direction i want to go in...will it be tough yep but i try anyway....

besides i woke up sick next day turned out i had shingles (it took untill then for them to appear) and it down my face and bodie so maybee they (the virus) has been working on me for week and making me a bit more sensitive wearas i though i was a bit extra tired as i am always soar anyway ....

Oh i also like the sound of a pint of ice-cream, do you have to eat it ALL....dose one have choice, lol do I have choice more importantlie lol...

so untill i become a funnie wick witted genusie when i soar i stuck with my limited means lol...In ireland their a thing called "slaggging" and thats when people have a verbal sparring match for fun or to see who can be the wittiest or funniest...now when it dosent count like this instances and i alreadiy laughing then i get good returnes but not when its seriouse ah well..

this dose fit with chapter 1 of the book club then eh! good tie in jane and anno

I think I just have a "zinger" personality.

I just read this today:

One of those absolute truths is that we are NOT born equal. We have to realize that we all come in different packages and must learn to value the difference. Only humans find it necessary to compare themselves to others. It's great if you're using the comparison as a measure of what you could learn to do better or appreciate about what someone else brings to a relationship. All too often, however, that 's not the case and the comparison is forged out of insecurity and indelibly comes at someone's expense, including our own.

I found that statement interesting.

Great quote Dianne! So often when we compare ourselves to others it's like comparing apples to ducks...

I can take and throw a few zingers...as long as I know the person that I'm zinging with...and know they are being playful as well...if I think they are serious...I'm just crushed and silent...

Celtic...so sorry you have shingles...hope you feel better soon...

Eagle...what a beautiful practice...

Celtic, you are a brave little one! Shingles is supposed to cause horrible pain. Show us more of your self-esteem and wail to your hearts delight.
I'm sending you my bestest wishes for a "speed- as- fast- as- light", recovery!
Hugs


Dianne, every once in a while I come across non-talking non- emotion kind of people like you described in your post. I will never learn. I usually try to get some kind of reaction from them. The more I try the more close mouthed they get. I can't understand people like that. But I have finally realized it's not because of me ... they are that way with everyone. So it's their problem.

I have known people in my lifetime that would use SILENCE as an attention getter. Some people use being loud, others use silence. They are so insecure, or have so many demons that we don't know about. So in a sense, it is a cry to "look at me!" Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But it's a "walk a mile in my shoes," type thing I suppose?

So whenever I've encountered someone like the woman Dianne had dinner with, I think silently to myself, "she/he must have some problems I can't see. Wonder what her/his demons are."

I can't help it. I just know in my heart that there is a reason for the silence. So its definitely not YOU Dianne. My guess is that it is as everyone else has implied; it is her own insecurities.

Does any of this make sense? Don't answer that!

I can be extremely quiet in social situations where I don't know anyone. (Put me on a stage and it's a totally different story! LOL!) I know that that quietness has intimidated people, or made people think that I'm extremely hard. So I've worked hard over the last 10 years to cultivate a small smile at all times and to focus on the person who is talking with all my presence. I still don't talk much, but they don't feel threatened.

Because I'm a word person, I can throw out the zingers, especially when I'm in a group of people I know. But a more effective question, perhaps, is "Why did you feel a need to say that?"

Great topic!