Sounds like a real tough situation, deja. Your niece sounds like at heart, a good person but lacks self-discipline. I have nothing new to add to the tough love stuff that others before me mentioned already.

How does she respond to you, as an aunt? Does she at all, in her better moods/times, like speaking with you (vs. her mom)? What are her favourite passions/latent good skills to refocus her energy so that she can understand the value of finishing her high school?

If she is 18, has she ever considered/wanted to get a part-time job?..or at least, she be warned soon.. You know, my partner had some usual problems with his son. He wanted to live his friends and so he did. They were a good crowd. Each parent did not give him money to live.

So he got a job...then eventually he finished high school part-time while holding down full-time job. He also found his passion --cooking. Took more courses on cooking. So he's working his way through the restaurant industry..becoming a chef.

Your sister needs to have your big ear to air her frustrations.

I talked with my sis this morning and she said that last night she and her daughter spoke briefly, enough to establish that the daughter will go to school this morning and also she took her meds last night. Pretty much at this point, the daughter is giving the mom the cold shoulder.

Maybe on the ride to school, they'll talk. For some reason, the car was always a good place for me and my kids to have heart-to-hearts. Maybe because it's a confined space but you don't have to look at each other.

Among her aunts (four of us), my niece is probably closest to the one who is also bi-polar. This aunt has gone out of her way to offer some counsel and certainly understands being bi-polar better than anyone else. But mostly, at the moment, the niece doesn't really want to talk to any adult, including her shrink. She's tired of hearing from adults, because they tell her things she doesn't like to hear.

I have cousins who went through real rebellious stages with their folks and who eventually turned out fine. It's living THROUGH these times that will drive you crazy.

Glad to hear she is back and taking her meds. Someitmes parents have to accept the cold shoulder if the kids are home and safe. It's not fun, but it's nothing in comparison to he kids being out on the streets.

I recommend that you consider writing her a lovely letter as her aunt, mentioning her desirable qualities, attributes, etc. That's what she needs to hear right now. Go on and on reminding her of the goodness that lies within. I don't think you can go wrong by doing so. Even though it's tough to build her up right now becasue she's misbehaving, it's what she needs.

Thanks for getting back to us.

We also used the car to talk with kids. I always thought it was becasue no one could escape!

thats a reallie good idea dotsie about bilding the kid up even if she being difficult at the minet...Its not sometmes the obviouse choise but it help her self-esteem and help her feel loved and like she belonged and was welcomed back. People responde better from that place and sence of securitie. your sis sounds like she talking tit tough too, sounds like she at the minuet maybee just temerarily beeten could the movies or a day walking even round the shops help your sis any? not in a peminent way but maybee just some relife that she needing from her own head and troubles.

Thanks, Dotsie and Celtic Flame. I think I'll write a note to each of them.

Sometimes they just need to hear what's good about them when they are in these funks. Maybe it will help change her perspective. It might be nice if a few of her loved ones did the same.

dajavu, any news?

Dejavu: Glad to hear your niece is back home, safe from harm. I pray she lets someone "in" so that she can receive guidance and understanding. At times like these, they need to know they are loved, although needing to know also that you do not approve of their actions.

I pray for your sister and entire family too. Letters is a good way to communicate and not feel threatened. Maybe they help!

I do not understand why another parent -the boyfriends'- didn't let your sis know the girl is alright. So easy to accomplish... but... at least she's home safe.

Thanks for everyone's support, it really helps. Sis and niece are doing okay for now. I still think they don't talk much, but at least the niece is going to school and her part-time job and not giving my sister as much attitude, despite still being grounded. I sent both of them notes of support and encouragement. Didn't hear back but, again, these two are not notorious communicators. Hopefully, their truce will lead to more understanding in the future.