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#104064 - 01/22/07 02:35 AM
Dating "Rules" these days?
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Member
Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 261
Loc: Atlanta, GA
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OK, I officially feel like I'm living in the dark ages. Am I the only one who doesn't think that "dating" means "sleeping with someone?"
I'm not talking about long term relationships. I hear many of my single friends talk, and it seems like even a first date "dinner and a movie" implies a roll in the hay these days.
The reason I'm asking this is, I met a man this past weekend at a seminar. We had dinner, and he made it plain how he'd like the night to end. But when I said no, he made an immediate turn around, apologized, and was a complete gentleman the rest of the evening. When I saw him the next day he was very nice, asked for my number/email at the end of the event, and again apologized for the night before. I told him no need to apologize, that just wasn't what I was looking for.
Time will tell if I hear from him again but I've gotta admit I hope I do.
Thoughts?
Whirlwind
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#104066 - 01/22/07 02:25 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
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oh oh, I think I know the answer.
I've done a TON of reading on the subject of dating (trying to become a professional in my field)..and what they say is this....
That guys WILL try to have sex with you immediately.
1. If you do you are setting yourself up to be nothing more then a fling. No chance of a real relationship if this is how you start out.
2. If you don't then the guy will see that you value yourself, and if he isn't a slimeball, he will pursue you in a relationship.
so, unfortunately this is a type of a test. Guys want SEX, but they really want a woman worth pursing!
my two cents, danita
Edited by Danita (01/22/07 02:27 PM)
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#104067 - 01/22/07 03:00 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Danita]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I think a lot of men these days are confused because so many women will jump into the sack on the first date. I wish women understood that to do that, they give away a small piece of their soul in the process.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104068 - 01/22/07 03:32 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Dianne]
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Member
Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 261
Loc: Atlanta, GA
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Thanks for the replies. I DO feel a bit better after reading your thoughts.
Keep your fingers crossed for me on this one. This is the first person I've met in a LONG time that I'd actually like to hear from again.
Thanks all!
Whirlwind
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#104071 - 01/23/07 01:10 AM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: chatty lady]
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Whirlwind, I hope he does call you if he has honorable intentions. If not, then you're better off b/c he may have, or is, attempted the same w/ other women. I simply want you to protect your heart!
Since you live in a large city, might there be any Christian singles groups in your local area?
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#104073 - 01/23/07 02:31 AM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: ]
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Member
Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 261
Loc: Atlanta, GA
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I agree with you all. And no worries MustangGal, since I'm not actively "looking" there isn't any danger of a broken heart. This was dinner with a hope of more contact, nothing else.
We are strong. We can (and DO) take care of ourselves.
Anno, he was here from out of town, but I live here. And yes, the event was in a hotel.
Jawjaw, you are wise as always. Chatty, you have good points too, as do the rest of you.
It just amazes me sometimes that men don't seem to worry about what "we" think about "them." If a man tries that on a first date, there's nothing special about it. How many other women have gone on a first date and said "yes?" Is there any specialness to it, or is it just something to do?
I have another close male friend who has always said "sex is just sex. It can be recreational, or it can be more." I hate the thought of that, but sometimes think he must be right in his representation of the male gender. When I think that he's right, I'm glad to be single. LOL.
Again, thanks for the thoughts, I do appreciate it.
Whirlwind
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#104074 - 01/23/07 02:35 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Whirlwind]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I wouldn't waste my time on a background check unless he shows up a couple more times. Could be a waste of energy for nothing.
My husband ran a background check on me when we first started getting serious. I guess I passed!
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104075 - 01/23/07 05:10 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Dianne]
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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I believe men who want a relationship with a woman do not expect or would be interested in a woman who has sex on the first, second, third, 4th, etc. date. The problem is, many men I've met do not want a relationship, or seem to.
When you get too physical in a young relationship, you stop getting to know each other and it becomes all about sex. Many people stay together, but the relationship is built on quick-sand rather than rock.
_________________________
Laura
laurapoplin.com
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#104076 - 01/23/07 06:27 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Whirlwind]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Besides that... a quality conversation is as good as, if not better than, sex and you can learn a whole lot more about a partner(-to-be). The more confabs you have, the more you learn about another person. Talk and Listen. They may try to bluff you at the start, but eventually, what's in the heart comes out of the mouth. Test what they say; watch to see if their actions measure up to what they've told you.
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#104078 - 01/23/07 09:05 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: ]
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Member
Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 261
Loc: Atlanta, GA
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Seems to me that the older guys are still trying to prove something. I'd LOVE to meet one that didn't put sex so high up on the list.
And this may be a dumb question, but how do you go about doing a background check without having to pay?
Whirlwind
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#104081 - 01/26/07 09:20 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: ]
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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Remember the good ole days when most people were/seemed decent and honorable?
I dated a couple of men who were truly honorable in my 16 years of being single. One was too young and the other had some emotional stuff to deal with and I wasn't willing....maybe not able because I wasn't ready myself.
Do any of you regret letting a good one go?
_________________________
Laura
laurapoplin.com
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#104083 - 01/27/07 02:28 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: katebcca]
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Registered: 10/14/06
Posts: 180
Loc: Stars Hollow
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katebcca - I just saw this older post of yours, about the book, "What Men Want", and you mentioned the website. I did just go to look and there's a ton of info there. So thanks for that!
I haven't really dated since my divorce (1989!) Just two single dates - both guys were nice gentlemen, but there was no "connection" between us. I know I've got to get back into the swim of things...but I was never one to sleep around back in the Seventies and sure am not going to start at this late stage of the game! I am trying to get up my nerve to write to someone from a "personals" newsletter that circulates around here. Surely there must be some decent men out there!
_________________________
"Were it not for hope, the heart would break"...an old Scottish proverb
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#104084 - 01/27/07 03:54 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: klmr13]
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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klmr13, what is the exact web site - I want to check it out, too!
Seems IMHO that men think women 'want it', or younger men surf date sites for older women who 'want it'! Well, what should matter is what we actually do want, and not what men perceive!
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#104086 - 01/27/07 11:52 PM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: ]
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Registered: 10/14/06
Posts: 180
Loc: Stars Hollow
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#104087 - 01/28/07 12:03 AM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: klmr13]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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klmr13, very interesting...thanks for sharing...now to get in shape!
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104088 - 01/28/07 12:07 AM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: Jane_Carroll]
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Registered: 10/14/06
Posts: 180
Loc: Stars Hollow
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Yes, Jane...I don't know that I'm up to the challenge...sigh! After really not dating since my divorce, I'm very concerned about just not being attractive or in shape. And yet...my exercise bike/tapes/equipment just sit there...zero motivation!
_________________________
"Were it not for hope, the heart would break"...an old Scottish proverb
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#104089 - 01/28/07 01:55 AM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: klmr13]
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Wow, that's a tall list and I don't cook!
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#104090 - 01/28/07 02:26 AM
Re: Dating "Rules" these days?
[Re: ]
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Registered: 10/14/06
Posts: 180
Loc: Stars Hollow
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Yeah, Mustang...we gals should make OUR list now!
_________________________
"Were it not for hope, the heart would break"...an old Scottish proverb
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