My own mother didn't call to wish me a happy birthday. I'm supposed to be there unquestionably whenever she needs a ride to an appt, drop everything and run if she has an emergency, whatever, and she couldn't pick up the phone and wish me a happy birthday?!? When I called her the next day she said "I thought about calling you yesterday but just didn't". I think I'd have felt better if she'd said she'd forgotten!! (she's going to be 86 next month) So when she realized that it kind of hurt my feelings, her reply was "well don't send me a card for my birthday and DON'T GET ME ANYTHING!!" somehow I don't think she gets the point.
How do you get past it when they hurt your feelings like this? I'm about ready to tell her to take a cab to her next appt...........I'd be glad to pay for it rather than have to deal with her! She doesn't want to go out for lunch or do anything that will make the time together more pleasant. It's strictly pick her up at the entrance to her apartment building, take her to the doctor (where I help her undress, talk to the doctor, help her get dressed, check on her meds, set her next appt) and take her home. She won't go anywhere or do anything else.

What hurts is........she knew it was my birthday, and she didn't go anywhere all day, sat in her recliner and read and watched movies on TV.......her usual weekend.....and the phone was right next to her the entire time. She just didn't pick it up and call. How am I supposed to feel?

Thank goodness for friends (including you gals!) and other family members who made my birthday a fun and enjoyable day. Not that it was a big deal because it was my birthday but I'm only human and it's nice to be remembered and know that SOMEBODY cares!!

Oh girlfriend of mine....of course it hurts. Everyone wants to know they matter. Love is what its all about. Has your Mom always been this way? Could it be the effects of her aging? Does she have anyone else to depend on? If so, I think I would take a break from being Mom's taxi, nursemaid, etc.

I've always heard we hurt the ones who love us the most, because...........we can. They will forgive us.

But to me, it almost sounds as if Mom is trying to punish you. Like...she is miserable, so she wants you to be as well. Now if she's always been this way, then I would say things aren't gonna change...but if she wasn't then something must be going on in her head.

Maybe a heart to heart?

You will always matter HERE. I can tell you that much. You are a vital part of this community and I know I speak for everyone here when I say that you are loved by all.

Know this. I speak from the heart, which is where you reside!

Happy Birthday
Love
Mountain ash

It’s so wise of you to vent here Crossstitch. It really helps to take a new look at the situation after a few days have passed, and then react the way you think is correct. If this is something new, it could be a sign of demented thinking. I don’t know really, Ladyjane could probably tell you more about that.

Did your Mom expect you to invite her over to your place for a piece of birthday cake? Just wondering if that may be the reason.

It’s so hard to have a Mom depend on you for everything. I suggest you do have a cab pick her up and take her to the next appointment. I have learned not to wait on my Mom all the time. She appreciates me more, and seems to have become more understanding that I have other obligations, and my own life as well. If you are always there for her, she may think she is doing YOU a favour. It’s crazy, but they tend to twist things around a bit.

I know we aren't the kinds of friends you can touch, but we are here. And the good thoughts and sympathetic hearts are very real. You can’t touch those things anyway. Sending lots of hugs to you Crossstich!

Perhaps your Mother did not have a big deal made of her birthday when she was young.This early conditioning is close to the bone.And in her senior years she has reverted.
I make a celebration always and my husband will even say about different friends my children have been involved with "get a cake..everyone should have a cake" then we share another celebration.
Crossstitch Queen you are special,
Could you say to you Mother "I was missing hearing from you on my birthday so lets have cake today"tomorrow.I bet you would feel better AND you would have cake!!!
MA

I can't add to anything Hannelore and Mountain Ash said. Lots of possibilities and we don't know until we have more info. Crossstitch, we're here to listen and offer up any insights! Keep us posted, please!

Happy birthday, x-stitch!

Has your mother always faithfully celebrated your birthday in previous years?

Each family is different. Does my mother (and father) do this --forget/don't call? Yes, but it doesn't mean they don't love me. I am certain my mother remembered mine --their newest grand-daughter was born on the same day this year.

I have to forgive them....they have 6 children. And even as kids, birthdays were treated much more casually...maybe a gift later..if forgotten. I took considerable effort for their children (us) to squeeze out of them, their exact birthday dates...which they had to calculate because it was on a different calendar (in China).

I come from a family that remembers to gives gifts whenever the giver remembers/feels like it. It is not mandatory. But being in such a big family, a person will get recognized at least once or several times by others in family. Some years by everyone in family.

It wasn't until we got our own homes, that there was abit more b-day recognitions.

A parent tries so hard, and Mom did..and no doubt, when growing up we never acknowledged/appreciated every loving gesture, act that a mother does give ...it takes so many years later, for the child to reciprocate in return/acknowledge fully, the many acts of love of a parent.

crossstitch, I'd be hurt too if I were you. Have you considered asking her why she chose not to call? Can you tell her it hurt your feelings? I'm always for setting things straight instead of harboring rotten feelings. It's so bad for our health.

I know you had hurt feelings on your birthday, but I pray you have a year full of great feelings. You deserve it.

I did ask her why she didn't call.....she said she "just didn't". I let her know it hurt my feelings.
hadn't thought about the possibilty that she's trying to punish me by making me miserable because she is. She always claims she's fine, but I don't think she's very happy. Nothing I do seems to help in that regard though. Will gve this some thought.
No point in inviting her over, or inviting her anywhere.....she never wants to go.
THANKS for all the above replies. I had a good birthday anyway (lunch and shopping with a friend on Fri,out to dinner on Saturday with husband and friends, lunch and more shopping with another friend today, and lunch coming up with a bunch of gals from my gym on Thurs)and logging in here this morning to find happy birthday wishes to me!! I'm over the anger. One of my friends said I should think of my mom as ill (since it sure sounds like she's depressed) and chalk it up to that. She's probably right.

Thanks for all the above responses!

I think your friend is right. Sometimes depressed people can't see how their actions affect others. They are so wrapped up in thier own misery.

Instead of being angry with Mom, maybe you should feel sorry for her. Who knows what we'll be like when we're her age?

Your birthday sounds like it's never ending. How blessed you must feel!