My mother-in-law may be coming to live with us. She's fairly independent, but my husband is really worried about her and she does not want to go to an assisted living facility. I can't really say "no." She's not horrible. She actually disappears in her room when she comes to visit, but what should I be worried about or on the lookout for?

Sue
www.thetruthaboutwives.com

To answer your question, we'd need to know more about you and the circumstances.
I do have some questions:
Do you and your mother-n-law get along?
Does your husband and his mother get along?
Do you work?
Does your m-n-law drive?
Does she have her own car?
Would you be responsible for driving her places?
Do you consider your home your domain?
Do you have room enough in your home to hide away if need be?
What personality type are you?
What personality type is your husband?
What personality type is your m-n-law?
Do you have a way to give her a phone of her own?
Do you have a way to give her her own TV viewing area?
Can you possibly giver her a kitchenette?
Is she ambulatory?
Is she incontinent?
Is she on medication?
So many questions....
I can say that we tried it with my m-n-law and it did not work for us.... for many, many reasons.

Sues, what makes me wonder here, is that you say she’s not horrible. That doesn’t mean she’s nice either, or that you really like her. If you can manage it financially, I recommend putting her into an assisted living facility.

I love my Mom more than I can say, but I would never ever want to live under one roof with her. You give up your privacy, your spontaneity and to a certain degree your freedom. Of course if you have no choice because of financial reasons then you have to make the best of it. But if you do have a choice, tell Hubby dear…no no no.

And also to mention that SHE gives up her independence which sometimes can change the personality of an elder. She will feel like she's interfering at times and that will put her in a funk....and you. Sometimes these things work out and other times it's a horrible thing. Think over every aspect...no...TALK over aspect with your husband. Mother-in-law apartments work well (sometimes) but it depends on who she is now, how you get along to begin with and what the future holds. Don't take it lightly....it's a huge decision!

gimster, wonderful questions....all that need an answer before doing this.

Yes, she wants to live with us. I am the "in-law" she likes the best and she does not want to go to assisted living. No real reason, just lots of excuses.

Sues,
Will you have to do all the cooking? Does she give you little zingers, while smiling and looking you in the face?
Does she irritate you at all? I've had my own mother live here. I have my mil here for weeks at a time. But I'm always glad when she goes back home! Think about it before you do it!

Sue, one thing that makes me REALLY wonder...is you're asking about your mother-in-law coming to live with you and another post today is saying you have 2 children (10 & 13) and you're thinking about divorce. Re: Post #144022 just written this morning. Hmmm....are this questions about you or are they made-up research questions?