My dad was diagnosed with Parkinsons about two-three years ago.

Now, this is going to sound just absolutely horrible but first, a disclaimer: My dad has always been verbally and emotionally abusive and one of his tools was hate letters. Pages and pages of telling me what a horrible person I was and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have a pot of pi** from, etc. I finally started mailing them back to him unopened.

My point is this--now that he has Parkinsons, he can no longer write. And I feel this is a Universal halt to his horrible letters. Of course, he can still make terrible phone calls but I have the choice, thanks to caller id, whether to answer them or not. I don't know, I just needed to write about this for some reason I don't want to be like him when I'm in my 80's and still doing the same things I did when I was in my 40's and causing pain.

Dianne,
I don't think there's any danger of that happening. You are too kind, sensitive and warm to others here and always helping with the plights.

It's just like the caller id thingy...you've got choices. Looks like to me you've already made good ones. I look for you to be the same dynamic woman in your 80's that you are today in your....ah what? 30's?

JJ

I don't think that's going to happen at this stage of the game. You are too set in your loving, giving, caring, and compassionate ways. Just ask any of the women you've helped through your site.

Life is full of choices and we need to make the ones that build us up.

Can't wait to see you today!

Ah..shucks. Thanks for the very kind words. JJ: 20's I'm in my 20's. I know, it's strange that I have a 37 year old son but he lies about his age.

welll....whatdaya know! ME TOO! I had my son when I was 9.

What?

JJ

Dianne, I agree with JJ and Dotsie. You are devoted to helping others. You've already made a choice to not be like him and can see the fruits of your labor. Each new day we decide what to do and you are commited to a very good cause! God Bless you!

Dianne, I share a variation of your experience. My mother was abusive throughout my life. When she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease a couple of years ago, the first sign of her illness was that she became sweet-tempered and docile. She's decompensated quickly within the last couple of months. The first "wave" of my own grief came with the terror of watching this woman, with whom I had had a deadly battle for survival all my life, basically vacate her body.
I was always terrified of being like her--and now I was terrified of losing my mind like her. (It didn't help that I was being plagued with menopausal memory lapses, or that the stress of taking care of her was draining what little mental faculties I felt I had available). I wanted to get past my own fears and grief so that I could do the decent thing, providing what care I could and supporting my brothers and my father as they have stepped up to the plate. I voiced my fear of being like her to a very wise friend. She said, "Daphne. Your mother has never been present. You, however, have never been absent." Those words gave great comfort as I set about the business of pitching in where I could and also continuing to take good care of myself.
Blessings to you as you deal with this grief--not only your father's illness, but a lifetime of hurt. Daphne

Daphne, I hope other women read your words. What a blessing a few words can make on someone's life. I bet you're grateful for that dear friend.

A point I'd like to make is that if you had never shared that intimacy with your friend, you may not have come to that realization on your own. Friends Heal Friends! We need to opne up and share our stories! In doing so we heal ourselves and others.

Daphne, how kind of you to share your pain with me. It really helped me.

I recently returned from a trip to NM for a tribute to my cousin and uncle, who died in the same week. What I found was self-discovery instead of paying homage to them. Mind boggling, eye-opening discovery and it took place in a small, dark hotel room in the middle of the night. Being a writer, I must make the time to write about this. Another book? Yes, 100% for sure. This is how it happened in my intense therapy after my departure from an abusive marriage. Realizations that completely alter your life and turn everything around. Painful. Oh dear, so much pain but a huge spurt of growth. I don't know about any of you but I only grow through pain. This agony I feel is well worth it because it's going to alter EVERYTHING. Sorry to be so vague but I'd have to write my book here to explain it.

Diane,
I am so intrigued by your post. You must share more. Of course I am happy that you've had revelations (is that the right word?) and even more happy that whatever pass thru you has triggered a writing frenzy! Good for you. But I would love to know more. Too soon?

JJ