http://askdutchy.mycarelink.net/2005/10/dont-let-this-happen-to-you-dont-let.html

I linked this message to my Ask Dutchy post of course.

We have been taking things too easy on my father in law and his driving. The minute I saw this post on the alzinfo board I had to post it everywhere.

We brought my mother in law in and had her sit down. We told her no more on Dad's driving. Yesterday he hit the garbage cans in our driveway and didn't even know he did it. Good grief, if this post makes you do nothing else.....take those keys away!!!! Ask Dutchy post

The "driving issue" was probably the first time my family really realized FOR SURE that our Mom wasn't just being "eccentric" in her behavior - but that she was not able to make appropriate decisions PERIOD. I was at work one day and got a call from the emergency room physician (I worked in a hospital) telling me my Mom was there - had been in a minor accident. I went to the E.R. and she was fine - shook up a bit but fine. I asked her what happened and she said "my hands were cold so I just took them off the wheel long enough to put on my gloves".....while driving 45mph on a main road. My Mom was in the early stages of Alzheimers....the rest of us had been in "denial" for several years - and she died in a nursing home six years after this driving incident from Alzheimers-related complications.

It was very difficult to take those car keys away from her - it took away her independence and a lot of her spirit. I became her "taxi service" and tried to make it an adventure for her but she was never the same. I talked with MANY other people in the years before her death who had gone through the same experience with their loved ones......taking away the keys......a very tough but NECESSARY thing to do!

Dutchy, this is a tough topic. Not only do we take away their car keys, we take away their independence. This is so hard. My husband had to do it with his mom. She took it well, but it changed her life. SHe never figured out how to depend on others ofr rides so her life became smaller.

Pam, what a story. I often wonder how one is certain if a loved one has Alzheimers. I guess it becomes very apparent.

What a sad story but such an important issue. When my uncle was just in the beginning stages of Alzheimers, he got angry with my aunt and jumped into his new Corvette and was gone for six hours. He crashed the car and walked to some strangers house and said he didn't know who he was or where he was. He had put 600 miles on the car! That ended his driving and it was so sad because he was a car enthusiast.

What a horrible disease. My MIL also suffered from it.

When my father came to this point, I did a very tricky thing. Instead of telling him straight out that he needed to give up his keys, I told him that my car was in the shop and I needed to borrow his and he said as always, "Sure, Jo" Thing was, I just never gave it back. I just kept saying one thing or another was having to be repaired with my car. Now when he was sharp, this wouldn't have gotten by him for one minute, but he would look a little puzzled, but just let it go by. Pretty soon he either forgot he had a car or enjoyed our trips together.

Searcher

Searcher, that is so sweet. I guess there are times when it's kinder to tell a little lie.

Daisygirl

My MIL, who is 91, drove her car up the back steps of her house last summer. But nobody has ever been able to tell this woman what to do. Now, after months of her children worrying every time the phone rings, she has announced she has taken the car off the road.

I can't honestly say I'll believe she's no longer getting behind the wheel until the old junker she's been driving is towed from her yard. But it's a start.

Anybody else here feel like the peanut butter layer in the sandwich of life?

Taking away my father-in-laws car, had to be on of the most difficult things. He loved taking little drives to do errands, like just going to the grocery store for one item.

When he got moved to an assisted living facility (another most difficult thing to do), he was a really cool guy there. Not only was he a man, there are mostly women there, but he drove. The women were so excited to have him there.

When he started having accidents, no one would tell us. I kinda felt like they were in high school and the other seniors didn't want to rat on their friend, for fear he would lose his "wheels."

But as with kids in high school, you eventually find out. Maybe not on the day it happened, but usually withing two weeks.

When we talked to Grandpa and his girlfriend about it, they just giggled. It was such and unappriate response! His girlfriend was saying things like, I really like when he takes me to the movies, broke our hearts!

We were a bit chicken, no we were really chicken to just say no more driving. We did take the keys, and disarm the car's battery.

Then we got with the other family members and contacted DMV to retest him. You wouldn't believe this, he passes. Apparently the tester liked him. He did dress well....

Another accident, and we took the car, and said we were going to take it in for repairs. We were, but we weren't planning to give it back.

His dementia progressed so rapidly, we were so afraid he was going to hurt someone with his car.

I truly feel for all of us going through this.

When they take away my car keys they may as well light the fire for my cremation cause I'll be dead....I love my car and running around as free as a bird....

Wow, those responses were wonderful and sad too. I know it is something that takes away their independance. We are moving away from my MIL and FIL, I seriously doubt she will take those keys away. But I have done my duty! I made her read that note! I told her to take them away, and she says she will. But yes, I do feel like the peanut butter too. I have been providing care for those with Alzheimer's for 10 years. Have a specialty education for Dementia. With my FIL it has done me more harm than good. I know all the tricks, they have done me no good! I am no match for denial!! All I can do is hope and pray that I will be able to help some other family.