It seems all I get lately are either sad news phone calls or emails. Smilinize/Janis has had a cancer scare, EagleHeart is having surgery, MamaRed is recovering from her cancer problems and I myself am going in for some tests. Dianne in Arizona has had one and now her daughter is deathly ill. I am unaware of any others so please if you are ill don't think I am ignoring you. This turn of events just boggles the mind...

I hold every one of you in my heart and send positive energy to each and every one.

And I join yonuh in holding each of you up in prayer. I'm so
sorry this many boomer gals are having health scares. Been there.
Done that. And I know it isn't fun. God's blessings on all of
you and may you return to better than new!!!!

I am not certain how to respond here except that when there is a suicide in a family, such as my sister's, then the surviving family members are helpless: they can never properly explain why the person ended their life.

It is a different type of death which I cannot begin to explain the surrealness of it. I think of my sister nearly daily when before, when she was alive, I didn't think of her every day. She doesn't consume my thoughts, but it varies each day ..sometimes it's fleeting, sometimes it's for awhile.

Today I also found out my favourite Canadian painter whom I've always admired and a bought a small painting of her years ago, she died at 100 yrs. I did meet her once and spoke briefly with her. She received national accolades, taught art for 40 yrs., painted /drew 5,000 works,Penned 3 autobiographies (I bought and read them), etc. She lived a very full life. She was a single woman but a socialable artist. Also she was deep Christian but wore it lightly on her sleeve without hiding it.

In the contemplation of these 2 lives, one I know and love well, over the last few weeks I realized that what I write now, draw, say…I wish to make it worthwhile. Make it understood by some others, not just for my own understanding.
For awhile I couldn’t even blog/write anything. It seemed as if everything was trivial, except for life itself, the very existence of our breath.

I am deeply saddened that my sister failed to realize her own accomplishments. She was probably benchmarking herself against societal images of what is considered good/acceptable/worthy. I don’t know.

Since various family members are still hurting a great deal, it certainly would not be something I would have a self-standing blog article made public about my sis. Instead, later there may be abit more often in, my blog observations, woven with memories and interactions with various family members.
I even realized that even some of my blog posts that include my partner in stories and photos, are a capture in time..that things will be totally different in 15-20 yrs. now. It’s almost sad just thinking that far ahead.

So we must make every day count, every day is precious and every breath is precious.

Oh yes, Orchid. "… every day is precious and every breath is precious."

And we can never be reminded enough of this.

As for your blog, you could make it a family blog if you like, where others could participate. And those that aren’t computer savvy, - just ask them their thoughts and memories, and post these. It could be a wonderful and therapeutic way to hold and keep these memories. It also allows everyone to read when they wish to. If I had a large family, I would do a blog on my mother. But I'm afraid I would be the only one posting. It can be very lonely too, to be the only one who is truly mourning for a loved one who has passed away.

Some people have the realisation of how each day must matter earlier then others.Due to line of work..in my case teaching fragile children who were terminally ill.Or loosing a loved one earlier than many others in varying circumstances.
What happens then is as many cruise along life thinking they understand grief processes and express opinions often to "get over it" then the wiser person has to take back seat and in time be there for the time reality hits.For hit it will.
I am aware as I go around my daily tasks that everyone I meet may have a burden..illness in the family or indeed a death close by.
This year has been a hard year for us...several close friends died.Also a friends daughter was killed in a road accident/An old couple are separated ..he feels unable to continue..I hold his hand and listen.Sons break up there fathers home..one friend is coping with serious disability living alone...incontinent..paralysed on one side..glad to be home after 8 months in hospital..the woman friends rebuilding a life alone..and a brave woman passed leaving a man who is now seldom sober...
what it has done for me is to draw out kindness...share what I have..waste no time on negative actions.never speak unkindly..
Importantly create for myself and others happy times..its not hard..my circle are all trying to do just that.

orchid,
I didn't comment on your sister's situation because I recently
suffered and am still suffering with 2 deaths very close to me.
One died of natural causes; the other of suicide. And then I've
had 2 deaths of friends, close but not as close as the first 2
I mentioned. Over three decades ago I had a bout with depression. It isn't easily explained; I was suffering from a failed 1st marriage. But every now and again, life gets to be too overwhelming for folks, they slip and fall and can't get back up. Some of the lucky folks', get a helping hand from a person who recognizes what's happening. But if you haven't been there yourself, it's hard to pinpoint. Jawjaw says in her, "A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Throne" book, we should live in the moment. Get all the enjoyment you can out of each moment. Life isn't easy. People we love with all our hearts go to be with The Lord. It's a fact. That's how it is. I've chosen to try to heed JJ's advice and live in the moment. Hope this post helps. If it doesn't, then please forget I wrote it. Writing is a catharsis to me.

I'm sorry to hear jabber. They must have been valued friends.

What I didn't mention was also my father whom we just found out his cancer is advancing. He's 81. It has been a time of significant change for myself. Several days after sister's funeral in one province, I had to return home to my province and then move out a 3rd province, several thousand kms. away to a new city to start a new job. I like my employer, it's in govn't. But I know no one in this city. Signing a lease for an apartment that I never saw in advance in person, etc. Unlike some folks here, I am not retired.

I do have access for some counselling that is offered by my employer as part of our employment benefit pkg.

Edelweiss, I am the yappiest family member on paper. I enjoy writing, I've always been like this. Other members don't get much into it..I can tell by their email communication over the years.

For our siser's eulogy, it was collectively written by all of us, which was a good thing.

One thing I would like to add is that my deceased sister took ALOT of photos. Thousands. She loved recording family moments, etc. Her adult children combed through the collection to create memoir panels that celebrated her life. Her children acknowledged their mother's efforts to keep a record of their achievements and shared times.

I think it gave all of us great comfort to have a wealth of photos and memories across..5 decades. But still she is not with us..

Orchid, I'm sorry for not being available when you lost your sister, wish I had been a better friend. I'm grateful that you have fond memories of her and honor her spirit.