My former husband, who had a very serious stroke in August..came home from hospital at the end of November..I have written about him here..is depressed and passive. He is living alone in our old house..which is big..and he can´t take care of it anymore..or barely of himself either. He was VERY active both physically and intellectually before his stroke. This past summer he held a 2 week series of lectures on astronomy for college kids in England..and he worked full time at the Royal Inst. of Technology in Stockholm..plus HEAVY work on the house. And now he finds going shopping for food an ORDEAL..and everything is "blurry" as he told me this evening. He just finds it all too much. Our kids who live here in Sweden are going to help him sell the house and find something new..but this will take time. He is on his own most of the time...he says that he enjoys the peace & quiet..but I believe that it´s too much of that now. He says it´s all very difficult and he wants to have it all done with. I didn´t ask him if meant the house..or his life.

I CAN´T live his life..I have my own..but I find that at night I have anxiety attacks and my thoughts just go round. So I can´t sleep..and I am still working myself..with preschool kids..as many of you know.

Just mentioning that I divorced my husband about 10 yrs ago..after 32 yrs of marriage together..5 kids..our oldest died when she was 11, many years ago..many of you know this..I know.

And on top of this my son has moved out..and he is the last of my kids to do so. I have had my children in my home for 40 yrs..so YES I am also having an empty nest problem...but that is perhaps easing a bit again. My son was here for Christmas and it was so TOUGH when he left AGAIN. But I think that I am going with the flow there a bit more now. I mean..we have a 1 bedroom apartment..my partner & I..my son can´t live here anymore..as he did before. I mean the guy is 20 now!!!

I kinda know that these things are pretty heavy to cope with..but that doesn´t help in the middle of the night when I can´t sleep..and my stomach hurts and I get all hot and sweaty with nerves tingling.

I WANT to spend my time enjoying life .. as much as I can..and perhaps even spread some joy or something good around me..but right now..I can´t seem to put it together. I have always got help from you ladies here..so I am asking for some help..if you can.

I feel sorry for my partner, too. He is being so supportive..But he needs me to be a bit happier too..I NEED ME to be a bit happier and together!!!! I am NOT helping ANYONE by cracking up at night & then being tired and morose during the day!

Anyway..thank you!

First of all humlan, lack of sleep can certainly make one weary. That alone is enough.

I so want to reach through the screen and give you huge hugs because I've been a middle of the night worrier and it ain't fun.

You have gone through, and so has you ex, many changes. While he is no longer your husband, he is still the father of your children and worth the worry and concern. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but your concerns are based in reality.

As far as your son in the US, I think you can handle that because he is happy, and I can tell that makes you happy for him. You miss him, but you trust he is on the right path, and a good one!

You don't have to share it here, but what is your biggest concern while floundering around in the darkness?

Once you can figure that out, do you really have any control over it? If so, what can you do to help? If not, try to turn it over to the person who can make a difference, or turn it over to your God.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

I've learned to get up and do something to take my mind off my worries. It helps. But we can't stay awake doing things night after night. I've never used it but I hear Tylenol PM works. Might you give that a try?

Also, do you have a counselor you can speak with about what's keeping you awake? They might be able to give you suggestions on how to let go of things.

Anyway, please know I'm lugging you around in thought and prayer. I feel a total connection to you through our sons who don't even know one another. Is that wild/weird or what?

I'm also glad that you have your partner to share the burden.

My mother died a few hours ago California time. Here it´s almost 12am.

She had been getting worse since Christmas..and since yesterday, she was doing very poorly..but probably quite comfortable with meds..

Oh my Humlan, thats terrible. I am so sorry for you and all concerned. I am adding you and your mother to my prayers.

Humlan, I am so sorry for all you're going through. I wish I could give you a great big boomer hug! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Humlan, my heart aches with you. So much to deal with right now. My prayers are with you...keep breathing, my friend, and when it gets too overwhelming, just STOP, close your eyes, and imagine a huge warm blanket of profound love and heartfelt care wrapping itself around you...that's us, all of us, loving you, sending comfort and care through space and time to your heart. xoxo

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, humlan.
It must also be a sad, but strange feeling that your previous anxiety ..seems to foreshadow something.

So much for you at present Humlan..take care.
love you.

I'm so sorry. I can't quite believe this turn of events. Please let us hear how you are hanging in.

Sending loving thoughts your way.

Humlan, my sincerest condolences on the demise of your Mom and offer prayers for you and the family.