Ladies, I've been visiting other sites regarding divorce discussion, do you think it "takes two" people to mess up a marriage? Can one spouse be the cause? I need to know if I'm totally wrong in my mind set about this. Also, is it ok to refuse sex with your partner if you are ill, or just not into sex with them because of relationship problems? On a woman's site I asked this question and I was told it is selfish to deny him sex, if I didn't want intercourse, then I could satisfy him in other ways. Even if I was sick, its selfish to deny your partner. I thought this is totally wrong. If you aren't "in the mood" you shouldn't have to "do it" just for his sake. If I'm sick that is enough reason in it self. If there are issues like, arguing or not communicating, or cheating ,or what ever reason, any kind of breakdown, sex isn't a fix all. Do you think I'm wrong? Should a woman have sex just to please a man? Do you think one person can be responsible for a failure of a marriage? Like gambling, cheating, and being totally self centered? When do you take responsibility for something you can't control in another person? NO one makes somebody cheat. It is a choice, either you cheat or you don't. If you aren't happy with the spouse you get therapy or a divorce. Nobody makes a person cheat. If you are a gambler, you get help with your problem, as a spouse, you get marriage therapy. The appointment is scheduled if he shows up is totally up to him. How can this be the fault of two people, when it is one person's behavior? In therapy I was told he was going through mid-life crisis, at 50, he never went to any of the sessions. I was told it isn't my fault, he is having issues he needs to address & won't face.The behavior was started by a job change and meeting new co-workers, who went to casinos and cheated on their wives. He developed this behavior over a year, we were doing fine for 20 years and the last 5 went to hell over this new job and these new "friends". He never gambled at all for 20 years, never stepped one foot inside a casino until he met these people. I tried everything I could, talking, therapy, I didn't trust him, I didn't want to get a STD, I knew he cheated, the girl called my house looking for him and told me they were sleeping together, she described a birthmark, on him so I know she telling the truth. He wasn't wearing a condom, because she had her tubes tied. So I stopped having sex with him, he chose to keep doing these things so I divorced after 5 years trying to save my marriage. I don't see how this is my fault. Does it take 2 people to mess up a marriage? I'm confused here. I guess it doesn't really matter now he is gone, I haven't had contact with him in months, the divorce has been finial one year now. He has moved on, I'm still reeling from 25yrs thrown away. what do you all think?