I just got back from visiting my 16 year old son in Baltimore....

I feel a little like a "fish out of water" now that I'm home.

I had a little bit of a meltdown while I was there - having a good cry for about an hour....and I find myself doing it again. Just letting the tears flow.

I guess I realized that I can finally let it all out - that I don't always have to be strong and in control of my feelings.

Sometimes I am utterly overwhelmed with the grief for my loss, and my fear for what is to come.

I'm trying to stop no matter what I'm doing and allow myself the feelings. Not trying to "figure them out"...just letting them flow.

I'm sure there are other ladies out there who know what I mean.

I would love to take one of those "stress tests" (the one that evaluates life changes and their effects on a person)...I think I should be dead. LOL

I am definitely seeing positive things in my life - little by little - it's just some times - the reality of my loss just brings me to my knees.

Well my dearest sisters - not looking for advice, just looking to vent/share.

I KNOW my best years are today and forward...I know God is blessing me every step I take....and that in the end...

I am liberated unto incredible joy, freedom, and love!

thanks for lending an ear!

D.