I have been married for 25 years this December 22nd. My husband is divorcing me as it seems he has traded me in for a younger model. I moved here to buy our retirement house and help my single daughter with her baby while my husband completed his contract. Seems this has been going on for quite some time. I think I must be the most stupid woman on earth.

But....that isn't the problem because they are two peas in a pod marching to the same immoral tune (she left her husband, too!). I am so, so alone. I am having such a hard time coping with all this. I have always been so strong and now I can't function. My self defense mechanism has disappeared. I just need some nice, friendly people my age to just talk me through this. It helps to here how others coped or just some plane old advice! By the way, Bah (my user name) is what my granddaughter calls me!

Bah, I'm sorry you're hurting. You are not stupid. You trusted him and acted in good faith. He's stupid for abandoning you. Or maybe he's just a jerk!

I don't have experience per se in this, but I know many of the ladies will welcome you and offer smart and heartfelt advice. All I can say is: WELCOME. We are here for you.

Bah....My heart goes out to you. I haven't experienced what you are going thru, but I truly wish you the best.
I'll be married 41 years on the 28th of this month, and I should have divorced my husband many, many years ago. To much to go into.
All I can say, is you're going to get a lot of help from the ladies(and I mean ladies)in the group. They will be able to help you get thru this horrible time in your life.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lynne

Thank you for replying...I want to be up! I am not one to be so "down"...So I am not going to dwell on the past and all the sordid details of what happened! I can just say it won't be easy for me. I have a disabled 32 year old son to take care of, 2 kids in college and a granddaughter all here with me. And I have to say, I think I will most definitely get the better end of the stick in the long run as far as love from my family.

My dad did exactly the same thing to my mother. I can't believe I married someone like my dad! He ended up a very, very lonely man, 3 failed marriages later!

But...it doesn't replace friends that I really need right now. Al mine are so far away. If I had some "girls" to do things with it would be much easier.

I forgot to add something to the mix!! I was such a trusting, loving wife, that when we bought our retirment house and an investment condo here, he had me sign a quit claim deed on them both saying that the mortgage company wanted that to speed the process up. He also was granted a lot of money and stock when his last employer's company was sold and put it all in an account in his name alone saying I would "blow" through it and he would keep it safe. Now do you think I was stupid? or what!!!!

oh Bah.... a hug to you. Mereidith is right.. you trusted and acted in good faith !! welcome from another new comer.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this, bah. Don't beat yourself up for being a person with integrity and principles. Not everyone dismisses such wonderful qualities in a person. I have been going through something similar myself, and truly understand the loneliness factor. At 52, i never imagined that I'd be in this situation! But i can honestly say, that things do improve with time. i know how hard it is to be patient while this episode unravels, but i do believe that it will ultimately be for the best and that you will be able to put your life back together again. You deserve more than to be with someone so shallow that he'd trade you in for a younger model. You really are better off without him, but realizing this does not mean that your heart won't ache anyway. 41 years is a long time...

May i recommend a couple of books that have helped me tremendously? The first is called Cutting Loose by Ashton Applewhite. I make a point of reading a little bit of this before i go to bed, no matter how late it is, or how tired i am. It is all about how women actually do well after divorce, unlike the hype the media would have us believe. i find it both inspirational and motivational. The second book is called Loving him Without Losing You by Beverly Engel, and I like how Engel explains what happens to us women in a long term relationship, and how we become "invisible" in order to keep the peace and serve the greater good of the family. you can get both of them from the library, just in case you - like me - are still trying to figure out how to survive alone financially.

Hang in there, girlfriend. If you need to, you can always vent right here and there is usually someone to listen.

Remember - success is the best revenge!

found,

What a great response! I love the "remember success is the best revenge". The books sound great too...I'm going to check into the second one.

Bah,

You have the thoughts and prayers of the boomer women as you transition into this new life....

My father left my mother after 20 years of marriage (for a younger model)..and as a 12 year old..it broke my heart. I have had to battle abondonment issues for years, and learn to trust men!

It is a huge loss to have the person you've given your life to toss it aside. My heart aches with you.

You have a huge group of girlfriends here ...come and rest.

hugs,
danita

I used to live in Scottsdale and if I still did, I'd drive to your house and give you a big hug!

You were duped by your husband and I'd take legal action for that! Trying to hide assets and tricking you into signing things is not looked upon in a nice way by any judge. You need a junk yard dog attorney!

On the emotional end, I know how hurt you must be and time does heal but in the meantime, just trust that God and His wonderful Universe will act on your behalf. It always comes out in the wash.

My sister's husband left her after 25 years of marriage for a younger...man! She was lost and angry and so hurt. It took her some time to work through it but she did with the help of a good counselor. You might consider that.

Just know we understand and will help love you through this very hard time.

Bah, you mention not having any gals in town to hang out with. Have you checked to see if there is some kind of support group in the area? I happen to think they can work wonders. Even if you go only a few time to connect with one, or two women going through similar. If you don't like the group (some people say it's depressing to hear the same stories over and over again)then just get together (walk, meet for a bagel) with one of the gals. Sometimes one friend is all it takes. Don't give up on the friend idea. How about a church? That's another idea.

I pray your loneliness subsides. I'm glad you are surrounded by family!