I recently filed for divorce after 15 years of marriage. My husband thought doing drugs gambling, lying, cheating, refusing to get a job and work was okay, I didn't.
When I filed, I asked him to leave, he said his lawyer told him he doesn't have to leave until the divorce is final. So he stays in our home, does not work, does not clean. doesn't help. Basically sleeps, plays games on the computer and goes out to the lake fishing. And of cource, complains if there is not enough milk, or bread in the house. We have three teenage children in the home, so I try to keep it as civil as possible. Well recently, he began internet dating and actually brought my 12 year old daughter to meet one of the women that he has been talking to over the internet. He has never met her before. Then 2 nights ago, my daughters found out, that when he said he was going out fishing, he was actually at a motel room with that same woman, they called the hotel room, yelled at their dad and the woman. This woman had no idea he wasn't divorced yet. Well the girls were torn up. I was up until 1am with them calming them down. I am also pregnant. My soon to be ex is the father.
My questions are...
How can I use this regarding child custody.
My kids don't want me to tell the court what their dad is up to. Their mad at him, but they love him.
He is still here, living in the house.
The kids were calling me at work yesterday, begging me to come home because they didn't want to be home with dad.
I took today off.
How can I use this information in my favor for child custody and how can I help my kids through this.
Thanks,
emmarose

Emmarose,
Divorce is a painfil horrible thing between two adults who no longer want to share a life
But children need two parents and no matter how rotten and disgusting this is your children's father
I think if you can prove he does not work and if the children really want to live with you you won't need to use his nutso sexual escapades in court.
Tell the kids you want them to live with you , that you don't want to throw all this trash into public records but since you love them and know they are better off with you if you HAVE to this will need to come out then get the best lawyer you can- our system of law favors the mother in child custody and sadly alot of divorced dads will fight for joint cudtody then never follow through-

Emma, what a painful situation you are in. You said that his lawyer said he didn't have to leave the house. What about your rights? What about your lawyer? Perhaps there is a support group in your area for mothers who are divorcing. You must have a high threshold for coping in a case that would be driving me crazy! Bravo to you for being so strong. Just because the woman did not know he wasn't divorced yet does not absolve her. I mean really, meeting in a motel room? That's low. This man has got to go. Much love and light to you and your kids, Lynn

How did your daughter find out he was at a motel with this woman?

Your children may be old enough to say who they want to live with. I don't understand your lawyers advice...You need a better lawyer. The husband is not contributing a thing but trouble. Call the Police when the kids aren't aroound and say he'e threatening you or even has hit you and they'll make him leave. Hey, desperate times mean taking desperate measures. DO NOT allow your children to dictate your plan of action against your husband, it all counts and should be made public record or you could suffer down the road. Sorry this is happeniing to you but proud of you for not allowing this loser to continue using you.

[ August 27, 2005, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I would be so out of there! I mean it, pack a bag, go to a womans shelter, or a friend's. You don't have to put up with that. I know it is scary to leave your home, but you will be so much better off. The kids go with you of course, and they will calm down and get better. Why do you want to be there? The law will back you up later if you own the place. You need help and support, not this crap. If he won't leave--go.
I'll hold you up in my prayers.
Renegade

Don't leave- the law may not back you up later -in certain states if you leave it will be considered desertion
Divorce unfortunately turns out to be a game and kids get real hurt being the pawns in the game
Like I said before- he is their father and their world's are falling apart
He's wrong you are right but if the courts twist it all around you can lose-
And get the best lawyer you can
If you live in a state like I do- PA there is no legal seperation- and that means til the divorce is final there is no intent to dissolve the marriage- it's bad

emmarose, I'm sorry to hear about your recent plight. This sounds so painful for your children and you. Perhaps there is a local agency that can give you the advice you need to protect yourself and your kids. I would think any local church should be able to lead you in the right direction. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I think the only way to get him out of the house legally is to file a victim protection order. At least in my state.
Otherwise the police just say it's a domestic problem and refuse to do anything.
I had a stalker a few years ago. He was much younger than I was and very good looking. He went down to the tag office smoozed his way into putting my address put on his drivers license (which is easier than you think btw). Then he would follow me and break into my house. I would call the police and they would come out. He would show them his license and tell them he lived at my house and we were lovers. (in his dreams) But my address was on his drivers license so the police either couldn't or wouldn't do a darned thing.
I was afraid to get a VPO for fear of angering him because by then I knew he was mentally ill, but eventually I got the VPO. And finally got him to court. The PROSECUTING attorney was a young woman who didn't do a darned thing to prosecute him, she just patted my hand, and said, "You two make such a sweet couple."

I went berserk. I said "We're NOT a couple. This man is stalking me!" But it didn't matter. I had to move away and het a shouse sitter whose husband was a policeman who parked his car in my drive for a year to get out of the mess. He's in a mental hospital, but he still calls when he can con his way to a phone. It was a nightmare and it may never completely end.
I'm not afraid anymore though. Dan is 6ft 5 inches tall and played football and ran track so if this guy ever shows up, Dan is anxious to chase him down and tackle him.

Just another story. Lesson, GET A VPO.
smile

Wow, Smile, what you went through! What is a VPO? victim protection order? How dare the prosecuting attorney patronize you and minimize this stalking situation. You had to leave your own house! I hope al is well now. LLL