I am not a male basher by any means. Probably because I was fortunate enough to marry the guy I did and he gives me no reason to be a basher, but...

why is it that men ask for a divorce, move out and go on with their lives...

and when the woman decides to show an interest in another man...

they are all questons and their jealousy roars its ugly head?

[ September 29, 2003, 09:09 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Stop me if you heard this before..."THEY ARE SELFISH" period. The world revolves around them. All men are not like this and forgive me for sounding like a MBasher. I'm not. And I am not a bitter divorcee either. If my X's and my next door neighbor he married swimming pool sudden ly gets a leak and caves in...hey, things happen...LOL! Just joshing.

You hit the nail on the head Dotsie with your post title. Having their cake and eating it too. No man OR woman wants to be replaced. It doesn't matter that he/she asked for the Divorce, they still want to be #1. Human nature...well at least it is human nature of selish people who live for ME...ME...Me...

YEP! Unfortunately, that feeling isn't limited to the fellas. I was so angry at my ex that I finally figured out I wanted him to suffer for the rest of his life. I was suffering through single motherhood, I was working my tail off trying to hold things together... while he was childless, single, and found someone who actually didn't mind taking over where his own mother left off. Why should *he* have it so easy? Why should *he* have any pleasure in life? He's a rotten, selfish, totally self-involved SOB!

Heh heh, but then I met his S.O.... and realized that they deserved each other!

Yep, *I* initiated the divorce, yet I was so angry at him that I wanted him to feel the pain he made *me* feel, forever! That's no way to live, I'll tell you. I did find out that he was jealous of me having relationships, too. He tried to seduce me, right in front of his new S.O. and our son. Of course, the man is a rutting pig (and hygienically porcine, too).

Heh heh,when I realized that I didn't actually want him back...and that his new woman had her own ways of making him suffer... I was finally able to let go, with a smile!

Human nature... "The heart of man is desperately wicked. Who can know it?" Forgot which prophet said that. I hate to admit it, but I think that's absolutely true. And it's soooo easy to give in to that lowest part of my nature, especially when it comes to relationships....

Anyway, I"m opening up a can of worms I don't want to pursue right now.... gonna go wake up hubby (the one worth keeping), so he can get to the bank while it's still daylight....
Hugs,
Lil

Lil, you're right. This is often true of both sexes, but I see it happen most with men.

It reminds me of the mother claws coming out when people hurt my children. We must always look to our core for why we want to react the ways we do.

Yep, the truth always hurts, but then it sets you free... it wasn't my proudest moment when I realized the nastiness in my own heart, but then when I was able to release it, my life was soooooo much lighter. Like taking off a really, really heavy backpack... LOL, I must be a Karmic camel or womthing, because I still have a whole lot of saddlebags to go!

Love,
Lil

ladies -- you know better than to hurt a man's pride -- they're the only ones that HAVE a pride don't you know

even in the BEST of relationships -- who is it that gives the most ???? us women -- because we watched our moms pamper their pride and they watched THEIR moms pamper grandpas pride and on and on and on ----

but maybe -- just maybe -- OUR generation will teach our male children that women are equal in thoughts and needs and wants AND PRIDE -- and we will eventually get this whole man/woman thing equal

Well... I'd like to think so... or I did....

I tried to raise my own son with thos things in mind... but then, it was way more important to him to have someoneelse to do his dirty work for him. Meaning the dishes, the cooking, or anything else he didn't care to set his hand to. It was way more important to him to be babied than for him to act like a decent human being.

Now that Raul has fallen out of love with me, he also wants to have his cake and eat it too. He can't explain why he wants me to remain in the house with him, but he does, and very strongly. He was trying to pressure me to try to find someone else, on the internet and such.... what a laugh, meeting someone romantically off the internet scares the crap out of me. He wants me to start over, to find someone "for myself," I guess so that I won't want to bitch slap him as much as I quite obviously want to do, or burst into tears when the wrong song comes on the radio... but yet he wants me to stay under the same crowded roof. I don't get it. It grieves him greatly that I want to find some way to become self-sufficient and then move out on my own.

I dunno. He was never much in control before, and he's not in control of either relationship now. Now it's *my* turn to be bewildered.

Pissed off and semi-awake in Miami Beach,
Lil

But the cool thing, Lillian, is that you sound good, maybe pissed off but really, you are starting to sound like you're getting some kind of control on what you don't want and that's always good. Sometimes we don't know what we do want until we can define, very exactly, what we don't want.

Make sense?

Kate