Hello, friends. Wanted to give you an update on my situation...

I got a phone call a couple of days ago from a man who claimed to be the husband of a woman my soon-to-be-ex was having an ongoing affair with. In fact, according to him, he just found out that his wife and my husband have been in close contact for the last twenty years, and that things have been heating up for a couple of years now. This is a woman who my husband never mentioned, unlike the assortment of male and female platonic friends we both knew from before our marriage, and would update one another about whenever we heard from one of them.

Needless to say, this stranger's call caught me right in the solar plexus, like a punch in the gut. I felt like I was thrust smack in the middle of a Jerry Springer show in spite of always trying to take the higher moral ground, and teaching that to my children as well. To add insult to injury, my kids intercepted the original message he left for me on the home answering machine and now they know about the whole sordid affair. As adolescents they are having a very difficult time with this information.

At least now I finally have closure as it finally makes sense why their dad did not want to go to counseling and try to save our marriage. But boy, do I feel duped. At first I was so angry I thought I'd pop a vein, but now I just feel sorry for the jerk, because he has finally shown his true colors and lost whatever remaining respect he once had from his kids or me.

It's funny how sometimes it is hard to see the good in what is happening to you, especially when it is something as painful as divorce. But now that I know he has been cheating on me and lying for years, I am truly grateful to be getting out of this marriage.

Truth is stranger than fiction...

Foundhervoice-atlast

Truth always prevails. While it hurts, I'm glad to know you see the good mixed within the bad.

Does your husband know the beans have been spilled?

How often do your children see their dad?

Ouch. I can see how this would be a mixed blessing. I know you will get through this, foundhervoiceatlast, you sound wise and grounded. I would also be concerned for the kids. Just keep them talking and venting. ((HUGS))

Wow...that is really a tough one to swallow ...you are really handling this with great maturity...I admire you so much for that...today is the beginning of the rest of your life...I pray it gets better and better and better for you.....and I agree...I'd rather know the truth and deal with it than have doubts and questions and no clear answers...you deserve a better life..I think it's coming your way...Take good care and keep your chin up.

Thank you so much for your support and kind words, everyone.

To answer your question Dotsie, no, their father does not yet know that we know, and I am hoping to keep that under wraps for the time being. I am afraid that once he finds out he will strike back by digging his heals in during mediation and try to retalliate financially for his humiliation and fall from grace, which I am sure he will try to pin on me. The kids are in counseling and hopefully will feel open enough to vent with their therapist. I know that they want to talk to their close friends about this, as embarassing as it may be for them. They are trying to figure out if they want to continue to live with their dad at all - we have fifty-fifty parenting time right now. My oldest is so angry that he is refusing to talk to his dad. Simultaneously, he is afraid that if he disconnects from him, his dad will do something irrational, like try to commit suicide. I am more afraid that his dad is more likely to lose control temporarily and hurt the kids out of frustration from having been found out.

foundhervoice-atlast

Oh my goodness...I pray your last statement doesn't come to pass...does your ex have a history of violence? Can you take some legal steps to protect your children? I am sorry you are having so much stress right now...I'm saying some prayers for you and your kids...wish i could do more...Stay strong!!!

[ February 12, 2006, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: AvalonBlondi ]

Foundhervoice, don't worry because you're correct these jerks never hurt themselves they just hurt others....I still think you should pursue suing the b-witch involved, especially now, for alienation of affection (maybe her husband woulg halfs)...It would so serve her right and you would really have the last laugh....My friend is $50,000. richer by doing that and got an even bigger plus, her ex's girlfriend got so p--sed off she dumped him...

Chatty lady - can you do that in a no-fault divorce state? Besides, the girlfriend is in California, not even in the same state as we are...how does that work?

As far as the violent streak is concerned, he does not have a history of violence per se but one of the reasons I asked for a separation was that he started losing his temper and intimidating me with his size...it really did scare me and it was after a couple of incidents like those that I changed the locks to the house.

Who knows what can happen to someone whose lies are suddenly coming out in the open and is feeling threatened? I really don't want to find out.

In the meantime, my youngest has decided to tell his father that he wants to stay with me and not make the switch over for the week cuase he is so freaked out...

Foundhervoice-atlast

Stay safe and keep the kids safe as well. Check with your Attorney for State differences would be my advice.

It's a difficult time for you and your children but bless their hearts for saying what they feel and want.

I think allianation of affection...you have to prove that you were actively working on the marriage and she wouldn't go away. That's what I've read anyway. Truthfully, I don't know that much about it but the one wife who won proved it, that was the case.

No wife should ever fear her husband. I wish you peace my dear friend.