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#9671 - 10/01/05 06:14 PM Ex is dying
Dianne Queen of Shoes Registered: 05/24/04 Posts: 6123 Loc: Arizona	My first husband has a brain tumor. I had hoped he would try to make our kids feel better by making amends but he's now slipping into dimentia so it looks like that won't happen. I know it's not good to speak evil of someone in his position but I think or should I say, know, he owes it to the kids because it would help them resolve a lot of issues. I'm angry with him!
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#9672 - 10/01/05 06:21 PM Re: Ex is dying
Bluebird Member Registered: 09/20/05 Posts: 2560 Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado	I don't thik you are speaking ill of him, yu're being honest about your anger and it is because you love yur children. I am very sorry for your pain, Dianne. Try to believe in miracles - he could be in his right mind long enough to make his peace with the kids.
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#9673 - 10/02/05 07:52 AM Re: Ex is dying
yepthatsme2 Member Registered: 08/08/05 Posts: 816 Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.	It's ok to express that anger, just don't hold on to it. Too bad some people just can't do the right thing. Maybe, his heart will be opened before the end and he will, that will be my prayer for you and the kids.
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#9674 - 10/01/05 10:05 PM Re: Ex is dying
Pattyann Member Registered: 07/08/05 Posts: 245 Loc: Ocala Florida	Dianne, I can understand your anger but it's for your children's sake so it's not bad. I often wonder how exactly are we supposed to feel- my ex just had heart surgery and a defibrillator put in and acted the regular drama queen bit. What I worried about was- my sons have cut alot of contact with him and I know my youngest would feel guilty if he died so Iwas angry too We're human
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#9675 - 10/01/05 11:32 PM Re: Ex is dying
Dianne Queen of Shoes Registered: 05/24/04 Posts: 6123 Loc: Arizona	I feel he owes it to my kids since he has never been a good father to them. I see something missing in their eyes when we talk about him. My oldest son doesn't even want to talk about him, you can see the pain on his face. Darn him anyway! I guess I'll have to try to be twice the mother I am to make up for the difference. Doesn't seem fair to them.
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#9676 - 10/01/05 11:37 PM Re: Ex is dying
Bluebird Member Registered: 09/20/05 Posts: 2560 Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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#9677 - 10/02/05 03:53 AM Re: Ex is dying
yepthatsme2 Member Registered: 08/08/05 Posts: 816 Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.	My first husband was the same way. My older kids lived with him when they were younger, mainly because he made everyone feels sorry for him (poor me syndrome). Kids moved here and don't even talk to him any longer. Shouldn't say kids, they are 32, & 28. He even refused to believe the twins (25) were his. Some people are total _____ (fill in the blank). Yes, I've had to look at that pain on my own children's faces. You cannot make up for his lack of caring. One day at a time with the best you know how. You right....it's not fair.
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#9678 - 10/02/05 04:53 AM Re: Ex is dying
Louisa Member Registered: 07/11/04 Posts: 2132 Loc: MA	Oh Diane, I've been there. My ex died 4 years ago. Don't hang on to that anger. It sounds like you are angry for your children. When you say "make amends" do you mean with them or with you? In my case, he was on good terms with our kids (adults). He and I were on good terms too, by then so it may have been a little different with us. But, either way, I hope he can manage to do that. If he can't, then you have to find a way to let go of the anger for your sake and for the kids. If you can't, they won't either. The anger will eat away at you. It's so hard to watch your kids in that situation and not be able to do a thing about it. Louisa
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#9679 - 10/02/05 06:56 AM Re: Ex is dying
Songbird Member Registered: 06/03/04 Posts: 2830 Loc: Massachusetts, USA	Dianne: I'm sorry for your family's pain throughtout this ordeal. If only parents considered all the ill effects that their behavior has on kids... The saddest part is that many parents never see a need to ask forgiveness from their kids (because they never accept their own mistakes towards them). I pray for an opportunity for the parent to realize and recognize his own wrong-doings and make things right, if at all possible. Best wishes, Diane! There is always the chance for a miracle. Trust! Don't give up! God bless you and yours!
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#9680 - 10/02/05 06:04 PM Re: Ex is dying
Dianne Queen of Shoes Registered: 05/24/04 Posts: 6123 Loc: Arizona	He doesn't need to make amends to me. I got over that a long time ago. A drunk is a drunk. He's done some very painful things to the kids and even told my oldest son that my youngest daughter wasn't his child. I addressed that right away through a certified letter. That was the last contact I had with him. This isn't going to be an ongoing anger. It's going to be a wish until he draws his last breath that he tells them he loves them.
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