Someone asked me last night what I thought was the proper time to wait until taking a new lover once your husband had passed away? Wow, that threw me for a loop! I said I believed that it would be different for everyone. If you truly loved him deeply then maybe never. If you couldn't care less that bhe's gone, I said, "what are you waiting for?" Go for it...Too much time has been wasted already. How long would you wait if it happened to you?

I waited 14 years and then wasn't sure but took the plunge anyway and landed in smelly, smothering quicksand.
I guess I'm not the one to ask after all.

Chatty, wow, this would be hard to answer because every one is different, and to each her own pace. I can't envision any one other than my husband since 1988. However, I am always surprised by life itself, and its opportunities for emotional evolution. I do know that I would not want to be alone. However however, I have trust issues. I'm sorry to hear that after 14 whole entire long years a loser landed in your lap. You are a good one to ask questions. You always have thoughtful and thought provoking answers.

Someone told me recently that it takes 1 year of recovery for every four years of marriage after a divorce. They say this in "Divorce Recovery" meetings. So not sure that applies to widowhood.

Great question and interesting answer Di. I've never heard that. Anyone know how accurate that is?

That is as accurate as those "Divorce Care" meetings are. My brother attends them and so does a friend. They both told me they've been advised this and they live in different states.

My one friend said it's "very true". It Did actually take her thank long after being married 15+ years.

I believe a spouse dying is quite similar to a divorce in so many ways. I think those statics are pretty close to correct too. The only things different between divorce and death is that the person is still alive and sometimes fences can be mended to a degree. When someone dies the one left behind seems to only remem ber the good things, the bad goes to the grave with him/her... The divorced couple still hate, speak badly of, and blame the other party. Divorce leaves a lasting bad taste in ones mouth towards the opposite sex and sometimes trust issues arrise. When a spouse dies there is no one to blame and thus be suspicious of. I've been widowed and divorced and the two are similar but each was/is devastating in its own way...