Hi Everyone!

Sorry I've been absent for so long. A and I are still living in the old home until July 8th still doing as fine as can be, going to the beach, riding hotwheels around the park, etc.

Still married, still using his insurance and emergency backup for finances.

My question since I am still married to him is am I wrong to know I'm getting a divorce but still continue to "use" him for insurance, financial help, to talk to occasionally, to associate with and have expectations of? I'm trying to make new friends and have a separate social agenda, but he calls and acts like there is nothing wrong at all. Is it possible that anyone could be that clueless?

Last Thursday I had to leave work in an ambulance with a kidney stone blocking one of my ureters and bladder. I was in horrible pain and lay in the er for 10 hrs. I called him as my only local contact and he didn't leave work to be with me and didn't even come to the hospital until the next morning when I was to have surgery.

He wouldn't watch A for me while I was in the hospital, (wouldn't want him to be with her anyway..), but didn't offer to make arrangements, told me "I'd better make arrangements because he wasn't going to be stuck with her and was cursing ." So, I contacted a wonderful family who watches her on Saturdays and they were more than happy to assist even tho it still cost me $70 which I really don't have.

The morning of surgery he came early drinking coffee and kept asking the doctor how long it would take, was told it would be an hour and another 30 min in recovery. He said he was going home back to Deland. The doctor said, "Aren't you even going to kiss her before you leave?"

He took the whole day off from work but didn't use it to come see me at the hospital until later that afternoon when he came to pick me up to go home. He made me pick up my car and drive!from Orlando to Deland after just having had surgery. He basically dumped me off at the house where I rested for a few more hours before driving to pu A.

I had to order pizza for us to have something to eat while he left us alone the whole rest of the afternoon and night while he went to the bar and ate out there. Then he "stopped by" to check on us just before retiring to his own home where "he feels comfortable." but before he did he attempted to eat all the rest of our pizza when he knew we would be hungry the next day and I couldn't cook.

He warned me that we are still married and I'd better not try to hide anything from him. We were discussing lottery tickets. He said if I ever came into money and tried to hide it from him, he would track me down and get what is his.

I can't wait to have him out of my life. What's the matter with him?! What's the matter with ME?!! to even care what he thinks, but I'm not ready to make the final break yet as I'm not set up financially. What would I have done without his health insurance? I'm looking into child care assistance and WIC.

People have been telling me lately that I look just like Goldie Hawn. He looks right at me and says, "I don't see it. I watched Overboard the other night and you look nothing like her besides she's what, 62 or something?" Never tells me I'm beautiful and when I tell him I need to hear it and to feel loved and attractive, he tells me, "I only tell you the truth."

He says I'm stuck with him and he's stuck with me for the rest of our lives. I couldn't stand it. I guess its this interim time where I'm waiting, interviewing for a better paying job, making new friends, broadening my social circle, exploring new interests that It's so difficult.

We never have intimacy, says his back is messed up. Not that I'm interested anyway...He goes on porno websites and ogles all the 23 yr. olds as usual yet says he'd be attracted to me if I acted my own age instead of trying to be a 23 yr. old. I'm not trying to be anything. I like what I like and know what makes me feel pretty and feminine and its NOT him.