Ladies, I need some advice on this one. My good friend of 14 years is having a rough patch with her husband, and divorce seems imminent. When she tells me what is going on (when she can) my heart just bleeds for her. He told her on their 36th anniv. that he is considering divorce. I know this is difficult (beyond belief) for her and other than just being angry and sad for her, I don't know what to say...to compound the matters there is a distance factor, so emails are the best thing to keep in touch, very infrequent phone calls. What can I say to her, how can I support her (when I know what she is going thru) without sounding preachy? Please share your thoughts on this, I am hoping and praying that it all works out for them. Also counting my blessings....and she is one of them! Thanks!

judym,

Don't you think that sometimes people going through rough times aren't looking for answers they are just looking for a caring heart to listen.

It is VERY hard to stand by someone going through hard times - but it is a gift that you are giving her by just listening and caring.

When I've had friends going through things - I've made it a point to call them often to just say, "hey, I'm thinking about you...you are loved!".

Thans my two cents.

People need a chance to work through their feelings.

Danita

Thank you, Danita, of the same mind but sure wishing she could "circle the wagons". I will call her this evening- we have always been there for each other and I feel her pain right now, but you are right, she is a strong woman (I tell her that often!)and she will get thru this. I just wish I could wave a wand and make it all better for her! Thanks again!

Judy, I'm sorry your friend has to go through this trying time. I've been in her shoes, except that my ex didn't want the divorce, he just wanted the gf. There really is nothing you can say that will make this alright. All you can do is continue to be her friend, and if at all possible, try to give her a little more of your time, even if it's a phone call or you could send her a card of encouragement. She needs to know you love and care.

On another note, there are some things you could encourage her to do that will help her recover from her loss. It would help her to get into a support group, such as a divorce recovery at a church or hospital. Maybe your friend could ask someone she is close to, to meet her for lunch or something periodically, such as weekly or bi-weekly so she will feel supported.

Daisygirl

Thank you daisygirl, your input is great also. She has wanted counselling for them both but he refuses. I know her support network will get her thru this, I just don't want to be all preachy about what she should do. She knows that I am there for her, I even told her she can go to our house and camp there (since we aren't at home right now). I am so sorry and angry for her. I will be her friend as best I can, but I sure do wish it were different for her right now. She has helped me thru a lot of rough passages in my life, best I can do is be there in whatever way! Thanks again!

Judym,

That is great that you are reminding her that she is a strong woman! Keep empowering her verbally. Remind her who she is (because in times like this - we forget who we are - we start to identify more with the situation we are in).

I think God gave us girlfriends for such a time as this!

Why DIDN'T he give us magic wands!??? (LOL)

hugs and prayers,
danita

p.s. I love daisy's idea of sending cards, and more phone calls. These little things count! (alot!)

Thank you all so much - I will keep a good focus on this and keep the fingers and toes crossed that it will all work out for her. Girlfriends are better than magic wands, for sure!! I know she has been for me. Need to learn to not try to fix things for those I care about!

Hey, Danita - just an aside but we were in Denver awhile back, just loved the city and the Rockies. Such a mellow place! And when we went into the mts. the first time I saw them I just burst into tears, it was so beautiful! Can't wait to get back there someday. Such a vibrant and wonderous place. Even the Mall downtown was such an interesting venture!

Judym if she and you can talk via emails then she has a computer so why not give her this site and let her post and all of the women here can offer here council and support, that would be the best gift you could give her possibly. Sometimes just knowing we are not alone, helps a great deal. Just a thought.

Chatty, You are just too smart! (LOL) (Why didn't I think about that!)

Judym, where did you go in the mountains?

I am a mountain girl through and through. So peaceful, so majestic!

Feel free to meet us boomer chicks next time you come this way. There are a few of us here in Colo.

Danita