Honest, maybe I live in a different planet after all..to some people.

A woman in my dept. around my age (48) made a casual remark that most men won't cook, do housework with their wife/partner.

I responded that perhaps her social circle was different. My partner and all my 3 brothers-in-law share cooking, housework with their wives. It's not special nor unusual. These are partnerships over 20 years long minimum. Also my close friends' hubbies, also share cooking, cleaning,etc. In cycling circles there are many guys who are concerned about their health that they want to cook healthy stuff themselves..or at least, they have good sense to buy generally wholesome groceries.

Now, I am certain however many of the guys at work do not cook at home for their families. Many are from contemporary/Anglo backgrounds. I have asked some directly about...cooking...in a casual way.

Unfortunate...since they are dragging their wives and childen all over the place internationally for foreign assignments.

After the so-called revolution in 1960's and 1970's, in a way I DO believe some things have changed. And on this matter alone, I live this change and loved ones close to me, live this single change. My partner doesn't consider what he does extraordinary. He just likes to have a clean house and enjoys cobbling meals together. He is 64.

However I consider my father extraordinary for his generation. At 78 he shares cooking and housework with mom. But this only happened after he retired.

Is my planet the same as yours?

Well I am proud to say my son David works a full time very tiring, strenous job and comes home, starts dinner, throws a load or two in the washer/dryer, then he takes care of the dogs and cleans any mess they may have made.

He is a neat nut. He scrubs the bathtubs and washes down the tiles and the kitchen floors. My DIL works full time too and does all the shopping on the weekend but my David pretty much takes care of the house. He has learned from me to cook, and is a better cook than she is. They seem to have the perfect union and he dares any of his motorcycle club to make fun of his housekeeping duties. He isn't the size or kind of man most men want to tangle with. So even the forty something men can be a help if they want to be.

My ex was a better shopper than me, he used coupons and shopped the sales etc. I guess everyone has to be good at something...

Ever heard this joke?? In the eye of he beholder....

Mrs. Danellie and Mrs. Franko were playing bunco and Mrs. Fritz asked them how each of their children were who had just gotten married?

Mrs Danellie says, "Oh my Gina is so lucky she relaxes at home all day and her husband is so good to her, he does the shopping after work, comes home and fixes her dinner, he washes floors to help her and he is the best husband anyone could want. She is so lucky."

Then Mrs. Franco spoke up saying, "Oh my poor Antonio, he has married a witch. She lays around the house all day doing nothing. If he wants to eat he has to go shopping after work and then come home and cook the meal. She even expects my poor son to scrub her dirty floors. He has ruined his life, my poor boy...

You see it is all in the eye of the beholder (or mamma.) LOL

orchid, I was always a stay at home mom, but even so, my husband has always done his fair share. He is always ready to pitch in. I do the majority of things, but if he even gets a hint that I need help, he pitches in and he'll do anything that needs to be done. In fact, he and my oldest son are at the food store now getting last minute groceries. When he gets home, he'll get the cooler set up for the Christmas drinks. I just finished setting the table for Christmas lunch and am waiting for the dryer to buzz so I can fold that and get it put away. I think of us as a team.

For the most part, most of our friends marriages are the same way.

This is definitely something wonderous that developed through the women's movement.

However, I read a book called The Bitch in the House and the women who wrote for that were angry because they worked full time, took care of the kids, and did all the house work. They wanted to know what happened with the women's movement. I think they should have married soemone else, or they should stand up and request the changes they want made within their marriages. Why remain angry all the time?

Fortunately, my sons have seen their dads in action so they also pitch in.

Yes, teamwork in a marriage. One of my sisters (47 yrs.) has been a stay at home mom full-time for last 15 years of their marriage or so. They have been married 25 years with 2 adult children in their early 20's.

Her hubby has always cooked, shared housework etc. with his wife ever since I knew him..even before they married.

I suspect for brothers-in-law and for my partner, their mothers cooked most of their meals when they were growing up. There wasn't much "teaching" of recipes/cooking techniques to each boy. However I am aware my partner's mother did cook and bake in a style that her 2 boys loved to sit around and watch their mother cook and explain certain things along the way. Like little bits of storytelling..and shortly thereafter they knew why their mother's cooking and baking is excellent quality.

ANd this has transferred what they choose to stock the kitchen shelves, types of dishes they make and what they order /not order in restaurants. Imitation is the best form of flattery.

I guess my story is different! My husband virtually does no cooking or cleaning in the house....but we're on 5 acres. In the summer, he does all the mowing,landscaping, all the car maintenance and makes extra money doing jobs out of his garage, all the handy-man fix ups and home maintenance. In the winter, of course, this includes plowing. So I tend to be the cook and housecleaner. So far, this works for us.

I know I have said a few negative things about my Hubby in the past, but now I just got to brag about him being a good house man.
Without him and is ability to see work in the house and just do it, well, I would never have been able to make anything out of my business.
I can concentrate on work, while my husband cooks, does the laundry, grabs the vacuum cleaner when nec. (we’re getting a new cleaning lady in Jan….I hope). He isn’t too proud to clean the toilets, scrub the floors…just everything. And to top it off, he doesn’t ask for any praise. He doesn’t even mention that he’s done it. It’s just done, and perfectly. I think he sees it as a sport. He’s in excellent shape, and I hear him from my office running up and down the stairs whistling a tune, sometimes carrying our granddaughter on one arm. At the same time he acknowledges my work, and has great respect for what I have made out of our business. So I guess we are a perfect team in that sense.
Gee, it felt good to brag about him. I should do that more often.
Hannelore

Good for you, Hannelore! You seem so much lighter now that you are seeing your husband differently. I remember the post about you on the mountain top holding hand and praying. So much has turned around for you this past year.

ladyjane, whatever works, that's what I say.

I jsut don't like it when women harbor bad feelings abuot their spouses because they don't pitch in, instead of addressing the issue.

I know this woman who was angrily folding laundry while turning all the clothes on the proper side. Hubby put all his shirts and socks in the hamper inside out and it really ticked her off. He asked her what the heck was wrong and she replied, "I am so sick of turning your clothes on the right side every time I launder them." To which he replied, "Why didn't you ever tell me that? I can turn my clothes on the right side from now on." And so he did!

Sometimes, it's the lack of communication that does us in.

Hannelore, I'm glad to hear you are finding such great things to say about your hubby. Keep bragging.

Orchid, I am on the same planet, but it took light years to get there. I grew up in an Italian patriarchal family, with generations of women passing down the fact that women were there to serve the men, because men were the more able bodied, and able to get work to support the family. As a child, I was slapped on the knuckles for going for a celery stick in the center of the table, before my uncle had the chance to get his. I could go on and on... I always do. When I met my husband, I was pleased to see that he did his own laundry, and owned an iron, ironing board, and vacuum. He could make coffee! I'd not seen this before, and I was 30 years old. However, my standards of clean were not the same as his. During our early years of marriage, I did all the housework, including his laundry and ironing his shirts. On my two days off, I spent one cleaning the apartment, ironing, etc. The next day off I might treat myself to shopping, or with a girlfriend. Then I noticed that on his days off, he spent each day entertaining himself. One day he would play racquetball, the next he'd play golf...listen to music, watch movies. However, he's a great cook, and did all the cooking. When I had cancer, he had to do the vacuuming and ironing, I could not even wipe a counter. He said he'd try to rise to my standards of clean than to have me lower mine. Now we share the household duties, and he still does the cooking if/when he can. He has even learned to pick up after himself, including candy wrappers. One more story, ok? I would vacuum the stairs where ever we lived. It was part of the weekly chores, dragging the vacuum up and down the stairs. I'd ask him to do it and he would not say "no" he would just "forget" so I'd end up doing it anyway. Again, during cancer, I could not handle the vacuum. I asked him to vacuum the stairs, and he did it, huffing and puffing about what an "odios" (odious) task it was. And I'd been doing it for 18 years. Now he does it whenever I ask. The one thing is that he cannot read my mind, so I have to be very specific.