I know one woman who is frustrated that her husband doesn't like to travel, or drive far. To him, it's a hassle to drive more than 15 kms. She doesn't know how to drive (and doesn't want to), but feels guilty to take off for 1/2 day away from her hubby, even to go far from neighbourhood to wander/explore their new city. (Vancouver where is we live.)

I was a bit surprised to learn that during a work stint of 2 years in Thailand, her hubby had no interest to see more sights of Thailand. Same for work stint of 4 years in Tawain.

They are both university educated, in their mid-30's, Filipino, but fluently bilingual with English. Have a teenage son.

It makes no sense to me... She is very bright, hard-working woman. She taught math at the college level.

You can imagine how suppressed she feels in expanding her horizons ..even abit.

I am careful to say nothing except brightly suggest...maybe over time...

She further limits herself by not wanting to learn how to drive,
and by allowing herself to feel guilty.
She needs to set herself free on certain things.

You say she feels guilty by exploring, but you don't say whether that is a self-inflicted feeling or her husband does not like her exploring on her own.

I have know other people who never leave their backyard. It doesn't make sense to me, but they also do not understand my need to travel endlessly. I always have to remind myself not to project my wants onto someone else.

Isn't it crazy how couples fall into certain patterns through the years? I wish they would speak up and make thier wishes known to one another so they can live more of the life they feel called to live. I'm not just talking about your friend, orchid. I'm talking about women who fall into patterns of living that they don't like, but won't do anything to change.

Orchid, you should stop worrying about her because she is all talk and no action. If she really were unhappy with the situation, she would have changed something about it decades ago. She has changed nothing.

They have a traditional "male rules" marriage. He controls her and tells her what to do (or not.) She does it.

She's frustrated by his unwillingness to change? If she had half a brain in her head, she's be frustrated by HER OWN unwillingness to change, her own tacit acceptance of the status quo which suits him just fine.

Having academic degrees or expertise in a field does not guarantee common sense, or for that matter, a spine.

Sorry Orchid. I know you want to help your friend, but all she does is whine about the situation. She takes no positive steps to change it. She WON'T do anything. This is the bottom line.

Filipino says it all. They are very afraid of what others will think and try to follow the rules they've been taught.

Here, here Meredith, great comments and oh so true...

Hey Chatty, haven't seen you around much! Miss ya

Oh, thanks for noticing. I miss everyone so much but when you are only one person and have three and four manuscripts to edit it doesn't leave much time for anything else....Plus I was really sick some time back and down and out for nearly a month....
I am going to need some short dangling earrings made of turquoise after I go and have my ears repierced. I'll get in touch.