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#6292 - 02/21/05 09:09 AM
Well, allrighty then...
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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Here's a question for ya. When do you finally, at last, without a doubt, realize and understand: He just doesn't get it? He's brain dead? Give up? He's hopeless? You tell him what you need, want, hope for, wish for...yada...but he just kind of ignores you? I'm not talking about abuse although this could be a form of abuse...pretending to be so freaking brain dead, although he's on the genius level? I really need your input because a woman, who emailed me, is going though this and I'm confused...what's new?
He provides for her...is a nice guy (depending on what you think a nice guy is or does) but he's not fulfilling her emotionally. He ignores her requests, although they aren't like...don't hit me anymore...just pay attention to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen to what I'm doing, my project, my interests!
You are all so smart and know, well, know so much, I need your input before I respond to her emails. Meric, thank you, Gracias.
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#6295 - 02/21/05 03:54 PM
Re: Well, allrighty then...
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Member
Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 152
Loc: Kansas City Kansas
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I read this post and thought someone here was talking about my ex. While it's true it doesnt take a genius it does take common sense and love. My ex never cared about wht I did or wanted to do. And this was after I had spent hrs after he got off work , chin in the palms of my hands listening to every word of how his day went.
But i agree with Meredith that there really isnt enough here to make a sound judgement. We all need to be appriciated and cared about.
It may sound odd to ask , have they gone to cousoling?
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#6297 - 02/21/05 07:16 PM
Re: Well, allrighty then...
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Member
Registered: 03/12/04
Posts: 1177
Loc: Decatur, Illinois
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Dianne, I think you are wise in not answering e-mails like that. Those women really need to see a professional. They will suck you dry if you let them and drain you emotionally. My vote is to not answer except to recommend a therapist.
Been there, done that.
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#6299 - 02/22/05 04:30 AM
Re: Well, allrighty then...
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Member
Registered: 01/26/05
Posts: 124
Loc: Prophetstown, IL
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Dianne, I wouldn't ignore her. She gets enough of that already. However, I would simply respond by telling her that you are not a counselor and that it is extremely difficult for you to make judgments about what she should do. I suggest you advise her to seek some type of professional counseling if she can afford it. Some of the YWCAs have programs and counselors who can help. If you feel inclined, you might also suggest that she sit down with pad and paper and list the pros and cons of her relationship to determine if her complaints are out of proportion to the value the relationship has for her. Tell her that whatever the result, the final decision on how to deal with her relationship has to be hers. No one else should make that decision for her. If she lets that happen, then she sets herself up to be the victim of someone else's decisions -- which is what she is allowing to happen with her husband, it seems. She is letting her happiness depend on his actions. And, of course, true happiness can never be found outside ourselves. Although it may not be our preference, it is possible to be truly happy in the midst of chaos. We don't always manage it, but that's why they call the process of growth hard work. LOL
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