Hi, friends,
I know I'm doing all the "right" things...pursuing my MA degree in Fine Art, abstaining from putting myself "out there" again in the dating arena (thus avoiding another fiasco), but I'm still haunted by the humiliation I felt after my last attempt at forming an intimate relationship.
Over and over in my mind, I've asked myself, considering how attracted I was to the man, what I could or should have done differently. First, I was to eager and vulnerable in the sexual aspect, no doubt, because of my previous three year abstinence from it! Second, I should have taken time to get to know the man better, thus, discerning if he was someone who would value me and treat me as I deserve to be treated.
I haven't dated since this disaster, and it still haunts me! Such things don't pass easily at age 55. I will NEVER place myself in such a vulnerable position again. I admit, I'm still dealing with the humiliation of it all.
Need to move on???? Of course I do.
Any suggestions are welcomed!
ARI

Ariadne, Any suggestion you say well it sounds a bit like wallowing to me and its time you just let it go, get on with it, the past is the past if you'll let go of it. We have been over this and over this with you. Seems to be the only thing on your mind when posting. Try this site for some different ideas...www.solobliss.com

I've seen Solobliss...it's a shallow site.
Once again, Chatty has put me in my place and tells me I do not belong here on this forum!

I don't think she meant that, Ari. I think she's encouraging you to find some peace in not being half of a couple. She knows that a woman can have a happy and fulfilling life w/o a man.

Oh for pity sake Ariadne you ask for advice then you either ignore it or turn it into some other kind of pity party for yourself, really!!! I happen to like solo bliss and thought you might get a chuckle out of it and some of the other women on that sites ideas. Sorry I bothered and you can be sure it won't happen again.

Chatty (and Bluebird)...
I think Chatty is being too judgemental, and I wonder if she has ever really "LOVED!"
I posted a very personal reflection here and got shut down immediately by Chatty for "wallowing."
Didn't Chatty say she makes her "living" by talking to men on the Internet? What a way to go!
Clearly I have no place here.
ARI

Oh brother here we go again....I LOVED and lost my first husband after only five short years of marriage to Cancer, just before my son was born. I mentioned wallowing because every time you post its about that same man and your horrible experience well let me say this. After a long bout of beig alone and sad and lonely, 14 years, I fell for a man who presented himself as a savior to me, we married. We planned to wait until being married to have sex because I was in love not in LUST...Well low and behold he was the King of Scoundrels, a rat, a cheat, a man who liked very young girls. He moved into my home, my car, my bank account and never into my bed. You want to talk humiliation. Honey I could write a book on the subject. He used me, he abused every good thing I offered and he walks around today telling people I was his meal ticket, his way out of Minnesota and into Vegas. It took me seven years to get up the nerve to throw his butt out and take all the slings and arrows I knew he would send my way. But I got throuhg it, pulled myself together and made a new life or am still trying to. I help other women at a homeless shelter as well who have gone through some really horrific times, that make what I went through look like a walk in the park. Do I ever feel sorry for myself, hell yes I do but I refuse to give in to it and have only gotten stronger from all of it. Oh and I have never talked to any man on the INTERNET, if you want to "try" to insult somebody get your facts straight first. Only you know where and if you belong somewhere! I will say that if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen, when I ask for advice here or anywhere I am not looking just to be agreed with or felt sorry for, I find that dishonest...don't you?

[ February 22, 2006, 07:50 AM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty,
I am respectful of your personal history, and it sounds pretty horrific. I too have a horrific history.
But...let me ask this..didn't you say that you make your income by talking to men on the Internet?
Whatever...I still think my posting a personal reflection about my own history deserved a less callous response from you. I am making headway.
Perhaps other women here can identify with my trauma rather than saying..."move on!"
ARI

Ari, some relationships just hurt more than others. Take the right ingredients and they can become obsessive. He might have been just what you wanted and needed but his whole profile was a fraud.

We all make mistakes. Lord...I'm sure I could top you in that department! It's just part of life. We should learn from them and sometimes it takes a while for the pain to go away. Just stay focused on you and his memory will fade.

No Ariadne I never speak to any man or men on the internet I don't trust or believe in those sites at all. I have friends that have had bad experiences off the internet. Its my personal preference. I said I "ONCE" made my living talking to men on the PHONE. What does that have to do with your situation anyway? Just looking for some stones to throw maybe, how small of you! If you would get out of that 'poor me' mode long enough to read what I actually said to you, I was trying to discourage you from allowing this experience to hold you down, to make you feel less that what you can be and its is a fact that you have posted about this same thing now a dozen or so times. How long is it going to take you to move on? I was encouraged when you began posting positively then you slipped right back into the same old thing again. Maybe Dianne is right and some relationships hurt more than others or maybe some of us are just more resilient, who knows? Hey don't let me discourage you, have at it, there are plenty of people that will tell you what they know you want to hear. I have to be on this thread as I am the Monitor but I will just avoid your posts that way there will be no way you can misinterpret what I've said...enjoy!

[ February 06, 2006, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]