Hello Ladies! I'm excited tonight. At first I was a bit sad since my last child is leaving soon, very soon, for college. Tonight, after paying for her ticket to Florida and other last minute details, I have to actually pat my own back...toot my own horn.

See, for the most part, despite the fact that I married prior to having children and really tried to do the right thing by God, I raised these two children alone...SOLO, of course not Leaving Him out.

But, during the times, I was mad at Him for everything that had gone so wrong in my life. I wondered why He hadn't protected me and had actually convinced myself that He was not with me. Now that I look back, now that I am able to look back, I should say, He gave me the strength and knowlege to raise them into the wonderful characters they became despite all that I had been through.

He gave me the sense to walk right up to women that I admired that had raised their own children to be successful beings. I can recall overhearing one woman during a conference discuss each of her four children's college graduations. I knew that I needed her in my life but if only for a moment. I told her a little about my abusive upbringing and why I needed her. To date, this lady that calls me her God daughter, is in my life. She told me things like be consistent, firm and loving. All of the parenting tips that I missed due to my 'situation.'

I studied her and women the like, like a book. I watched their behaviors. Now that I can look back on those days, that was only God guiding me.

My fears of men around my children left me lonely and longing many days and nights. One of my original posts here was how the couples that live next to me are/were coupled and how I felt like the odd ball and how it hurt that I was not involved with a loving man. But all the same, I knew that my fears wouldn't let me be with one.

Not to speak too badly of some of those, but my children are far more successful, rounded and insightlful than the children that have grown in a two-parent home.

Solo 'feels' bad but it has bared the fruit of my desire after all; healthy children.

Now it remains to be seen if I've damaged them in the long run as it pertains to them 'coupling'. You know, that 'seeing the interactions of mom and dad' and learning 'how to' share love and receive it. That's my new concern but what can I say? We've made it w/o the statistics of the vicious cycle where the children sees mommy get beat/mistreated and goes out to seek and do the same. Oops, I forgot about my son and his incidents. Hmmm, well, he's been bombarded with why and possibly how he managed to start treating women like he did in the past. We prayed together and I really do believe he understands the forecast of his future and the past that took him there. That also remains to be seen. Until then!

God was my children's Father! So, We did it!
Happy 2Day!

Sheree

[ August 17, 2005, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

A big, loving pat on your back from me. I don't know how I raised four kids, alone most of the time, either. It takes a miracle and this proves miracles do still happen.

Sugaree, lovely reflection, and one you deserve. And remember, God still is your children's father.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm praying for your strength as you send your daughter off to college. Congrats.

It's so amazing. Those tiny little cells that formed at conception then moved in our belly and became the babies we adored turned into the teens who drove us crazy and eventually grew to become the independent and beautiful human beings God envisioned from the first.

It's just plain miraculous.

smile

Whew! Yesterday was a bit testy. Prayers and those good people that have been constants in our lives really came through.

Just as I was about to send my daughter off since I can no longer drive her to Florida, I called the college's housing dept. The gentleman that answered told me not to send her because there is a balance owing of $5500. SHOCK! I thought that her scholarship and a loan had covered it all. NO!

Well, it was fairly late in the eve but I still made a few calls to people that I believed could at least refer me to an org. that could lead to more educational funds.

Those phone calls were fruitful. Many of the people really admire my daughter and contributed leaving me with only about $2300 or so to have to pay. Most of them were very proud to have been a part of our struggle and said that they really admired how I raised my children. I had tears of joy because so many times I doubted me because of my past.

A news anchor that my daughter interviewed contributed and even told her to keep in touch so that he can personally send her additional materials she'll need.

God is good. God actually saw me. He was really with me. How silly of me to have doubted.

Good night.

God is good and so are His people. I'm so happy for you. Keep your eyes open to His grace. It surrounds you.

Has she left?

My son was to leave yesterday for his 9-10 hour truck south. Of course he stayed for Nana's memorial service and had planned to leave this morning. After the service, we shared that it was probably best for him to take today to chill out at home. It's been a long, busy week full of emotion. He listened and will now leave tomorrow. Sending these kids off is hard, isn't it Sug? But we are so happy for them, aren't we?

Yes, Dotsie. We are so happy to be able to send them to college, especially in light of where too many are going these days...war, streets, drugs, pregnancies, unfruitful relationships and death...you name it. Yes, very happy.

Now, something is attempting to steal our joy. This college she is attending down in Daytona is really aching my last nerve.

She was not able to get into a room until 10pm after being there at registration/orientation since 8am...after traveling from WI. Now they have over booked so she has to be in temp-housing (that was on Sunday) Two days later they moved her to yet another temp location, now they are threatening to move her again but this time into a room designed for two but with three roommates. NO! Will they adjust the high cost we've had to pay being out of state and it being a private college? YES! Because hell is getting ready to break out down there if they don't get it together. Meanwhile, my daughter suffers. Many parents have withdrawned their children already.

My daughter is there alone, 20+ hours away from her family. They didn't even have her meal plan together and she didn't have transportation to get food the first day. Now she's met other students that are from the area. Fortunately they've bounded. But, forget a bund. I went for broke paying for what the scholarships and loans and grants didn't cover. I AM MAD!

You know what, Dotsie? I apologize. I just vented and your son had to go away with 'real' pressures. He's had a major loss to deal with. My daughter's situation can be recified one way or another. His can't. I will place him in my prayers tonight and even beg your and His forgiveness for being so compassion free.

Sheree

Sugaree, no need to apologize. All's well.

I am so glad she's met some locals. That can make all the difference in the world when you are so far from home. I hope the school gets their act together soon. Poor thing. She must be pretty resilient. She's hanging in there. You keep hanging in there with her. What a courageous child to go so far from home!

Well, we both got pretty frustrated today. They had really began to eat away at her resillience. Can't let that happen, right? So, I used the connections, got a call from the VP and now it is resolved permanantly. Sure hated to have to go there.